Anyway Mrs Lee's house surprisingly looked quite nice. I probably shouldn't say surprising cos I didn't actually think about what to expect. But anyway it was quite nice. *grin* The baby was pretty cute and bright-eyed, but probably cos it was still very young, it doesn't do much but stare.

While eating the snacks over the dining table, I was sitting right next to David when we started to talk about the people in our class and out of nowhere, Mrs Lee said that initially, she thought that David and I were a couple. Why? Because we were always sitting together. As if on cue, both David and I sprang away from each other. Haha...it was pretty funny....I mean, I just wonder how she might come up with such an impression, cos Agnes, David, Jinghua and I were always sitting together anyway. It was not like I was particularly close to solely David. Makes me wonder what other things the other teachers might have thought too. Haha...

Then, later after we left Mrs Lee's house, the girls: Yingxuan, Cheryl, Agnes and I went to Holland Village to have some coffee. Somehow, we started to talk about this group of highly opinionated guys. I've always known that they didn't quite like me. I just wonder if this dislike started before or after I started to go out with one of them. I forgot how I got to know, but I think I just sensed it. But anyway, I was actually only a little disappointed, cos afterall it's not nice to be hated by your boyfriend's friends, but I wasn't particularly devastated. I'm surprised at myself.

So when Agnes sort of provided the information that they didn't like me, I felt like the girls were watching my face, to see if it was okay to talk about it. I guess it showed that I didn't care anymore. Not only because I've already broken up with the guy, but probably also because I cannot be bothered anymore. In the foreign film I watched with Xinyi, there was this little boy was always bullied in school. So when challenged, he wanted to prove that he had a friend who taught him to drive a crane. Later, the crane-driver friend of his told him," It doesn't matter what they think, if they are not your friends." It is so right that it just stuck in my mind.

Probably the fact that I don't care about what those guys think is the ultimate insult to them. Hahaha...actually I quite like them individually, at least I think they are quite intelligent. I mean, one of them was my boyfriend..., but I think as a group, they just start to share just one brain. A little too thinly spread for 6 guys for them to think rationally and maturely. But it was still pretty interesting sitting there talking about what other people they didn't like and who they liked. Y'know, sort of like to trying to understand their psychology. Hmm...It's kind of funny how just because they are an exclusive group of their own, almost everybody craves for their acknowledgement, to be liked by them.

I feel so immune, maybe because I have been rejected by supposed friends for so many times, I have lost all feelings.

When I was in primary school, there was this girl I really liked a lot. I thought she was my best friend, as I played with her, ate during break with her, walked to her house with her. I really thought that she was my one and only friend. At that time, there was a autograph trend where we would need to make a list of your good friends. It turns out, she never thought of me as a good friend. I was thoroughly devastated. Because I didn't socialise much with the other girls, I was told that they thought I was very arrogant. Hey, it's not my fault that my results are pretty good too.

Then after that, I tried to mix with the other girls. I thought the best way to fit in was to tell jokes and make people listen to you. I mean, those girls in primary school can be very cliquish. I thought I succeeded when they allowed me to eat with them and play with them. Hey, eating was a big part of life then okay. Then one day, one of the girls just came up to me and told me that they all thought I was pretty cute, almost like clown. I think she meant it as a compliment, but I was very deeply hurt. It turns out that I am still on the outside. They have never been laughing with me. I was the joke.

Just to think of those times when I tried so hard to please still stings. I guess I am still one who is easily hurt. I still want people to like me. But after all these years, I have learnt to armour myself. I guess one has to learn from mistakes right?