190801, 1135hr, illinois time.

my voice still isn't back yet. i can whisper, i guess. but i sound really weird, so i think it's better to keep my mouth shut.

i'm still kinda jetlagged though. yesterday was pretty weird. i finally went to sleep after i wrote yesterday's journal entry. woke up at 2pm, to sounds of people stomping upstairs or something. turned out to be some of the freshies playing pool. i walked around. couldn't find any food. couldn't make small talk. [couldn't even remember their names, come to think of it.] so i went back to my room. alvin came to talk to me, until i got tired, and i went back to sleep. woke up at around midnight, chatted on icq, and forced myself back to sleep at around 3am. man, that's not normal at all. bleah.

so i woke up at 9am today. shall not take anymore afternoon naps. shall buy groceries so i don't have to eat cereals for breakfast, lunch and dinner tomorrow.

i told him to call or email me when he gets settled down in new york. probably won't be anytime soon. i know people are concerned about how things are. sigh. can be better of course. before i left on friday, was talking to him thursday night. we actually ran out of things to say to each other. maybe he was feeling uncomfortable that i was leaving. i was trying to refrain from saying all those pessimistic stuff that i know would make the situation even worse. and at the end of the phonecall, he just said a simple "bye" before we hung up. and i wonder when's the next time i'll hear his voice again. sigh.

this semester is going to be pretty important to me. whether i go to japan will depend on whether i can manage my workload this semester. should this be a time to start a long-distance relationship and all that kind of crap?

i was truly feeling quite miserable yesterday, feeling so ill and having no one in the house show any concern for me. i didn't have any lozenges. didn't have fresh food. come to think of it, i didn't have dinner last night. hmm. basically, nobody cared if i was ok, if i was alive. alvin was talking to me, though frankly, i didn't quite have the energy to reply him. he was just talking on and on, the way he usually does. i wanted to go out to buy some groceries, and realised that i cannot, since i don't have my car and house keys. sigh.

bleah. shall not wallow in self pity. gotta take care of myself now, now that i'm away from home. yesterday was a terrible start, but i'm sure things will get better. the power of optimism. something that he taught me. hmm. i miss him.