210701, 1000hr, Singapore time.

Apparently there was a huge wind blowing in yck yesterday, at my place. when i went home yesterday, huge trees were down, leavs all over the ground, beautiful beautiful old trees destroyed. i feel so sad. sigh. the palm trees are all perfectly ok though, hmm. i thought the weather was perfectly normal, where i worked - the city area. my mom says maybe cos the yck area is full of low-rise buildings, the trees take the bulk of the wind power, whereas the city area has lots of tall buildings, the wind isn't that bad.

i have 4 rings on my hands right now. he couldn't find the ring that we bought the last time [which i lost], so he bought 4 others, hoping that i would like at least one of them. well, of the 4, 1 is too small, 1 is too big, only 2 are pretty ok. and they're not as nice as the one i lost. but i was so so freaking touched, when he dumped this whole bunch of rings into my hand, and said, "nah." my god, i can't believe he's actually taken the trouble to pick rings for me, choosing the ones that he thought i would like. it wasn't supposed to be so big a deal, he was just supposed to go back to the same shop and buy that same ring, shouldn't have been so much trouble. sigh. he's so sweet when he wants to be.

it feels good to be pampered, to be courted, to be cherished. i've been told that i'm unreasonable, for needing to be pampered so much. i guess it's true. i have a tendency to "pressure" even platonic friends into doing nice things for me. it's like i have a need for my friends to prove that they care. and guys to prove that they care. the above-mentioned guy [haha] isn't actually very good at it. but when he does choose to be sweet, it becomes the only thing i can think of, even in my sleep. yes, it really feels good.

maybe i shouldn't let him be so nice to him. maybe i really do like him only because he's woo-ing me. but i'm not even 21 yet, surely i reserve the right to be irrational once in a while. can i get away with it? hmm.

there was talk about how much of a relationship is made up of just pure love, as compared to effort. maybe i was too optimistic, i always thought love should take up a huge part of it, before one is motivated to put in the effort. but now, it seems that effort is the dominant force in a relationship. as told to me by experienced people. ahem. is that good news or bad news for me? i don't fall so easily. yet i'm also an intensely lazy person. so either way, i'm still not going to have a functional relationship with any guy, isn't it? sigh.

i think the present arrangement with him is best. doesn't take that much time or effort from me, i feel pampered enough to stay on, and actually pampered enough to think of not being so lazy anymore. man, did i just say that? is he worth it? hmm. yet, something else is missing...the sizzling feeling is missing...that slightly breathless feeling. that high feeling is missing. but i guess i shouldn't be too greedy. this bliss i have now is more than what i deserve.