| 1015hr
Feeling... sick Eating: NERDS - cola and wild snozzberry. whatever that is. Reading: japanese song lyrics Listening: [computer] Japanese group hana*hana - 2 souls [discman] Alex To - I Believe Happiness of the day: kind people Event of the week: going malacca this weekend. no, he still hasn't called. he's angry with me too, i guess. for whatever reasons. i'm not angry with him anymore, of course not. i don't have that kind of energy to keep up with this. only faced with the constraints of a possible relationship, i already find so much trouble adjusting to it. especially to him. maybe it's my arrogance coming into play here, i don't believe in him having any special control over me, any special rights over me. especially when he's not my boyfriend. haha. funny, isn't it? he's not my boyfriend yet we quarrel like we're together. this is the confusing part. we're in this confusing stage. and i feel so tired. i'd rather jump right into the married couple stage - natural closeness, friendship, trust. that's what i want. i wish i didn't get into this trouble with him...at least before this, we were friends. now we're nothing. people tell me that the courtship stage is the sweetest and nicest part of a relationship. why do i feel so horrible now then? does stability really come only after some turbulence? i don't think i'm going to survive this turbulence right now...or maybe he won't. maybe he'll give up, maybe that's why he didn't call. i'd rather he give up. so i don't have to make the conscious choice myself. i'm chicken, i know. i'd rather i get dumped, than i reject him. i remember some time ago i read that june/july/aug/sept will be romantically exciting months for me. i was so excited about that. now i feel cheated. bleah. maybe i should be glad my data got deleted away, cos at least now i can just concentrate on my work and not think about him. | |