090701

the ugly man

1015hr
Feeling... tired
Food: a banana's waiting for me.
Book: i-Weekly
CD: [computer] Boyz II Men [discman] Harlem Yu's Tidal Wave
Happiness of the day: saw my two youngest aunts at my grandma's place over the weekend, had fun playing with their kids. my little 4-year-old cousin came specially to say bye to me when she was leaving. and she asked me if i would there the next time she comes. she said she would miss me.....though i know she would probably forget me in a day or two, i was still so touched.
Event of the week: going jurong bird park this weekend. i think.

i feel so tired. i have a headache. all because of him. is it really worth it? i don't know.

just sent emails out to my friends to complain, to whine, to vent my frustrations. i don't understand how things could have changed so quickly over one weekend. he showed me how scary he could be. he made me feel horrible, made me so angry i was feeling dizzy. and it's not even a big deal. how did it blow up to such enormous proportions? i don't understand, i really don't.

the good times together made me wake up a happy woman every morning, ready to go to work, ready for anything. his call last night made me not want to get out of bed today. because i didn't want to have to think about his words. i didn't want to go to work. i can't believe how he's hurt me. i can't believe how much he can hurt me. i can't believe he chose to hurt me.

maybe i shouldn't have hung up on him. maybe i shouldn't have allowed him to go on and on, pissing me off. maybe i should have just stopped him right there and cleared everything up. but somehow, i didn't feel like it. maybe i really did want to see this ugly side of him. maybe i did want to know. no matter what, the damage is already done. i don't think he'll call me tonight anymore. maybe it's better that way.

my headache is killing me. i hate him.

last time
next time
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