Sudden inspirations or cravings:
Potato chips

The worst thing is, I knew that I could not possibly make it. Maybe it was the way the interviewer was looking at me, maybe the way I stumbled over the simplest things. Somehow, I just knew it. So, when the interviewer asked us if we had any questions, I knew that I was doomed. I have not proven myself yet, god damn it!

I wanted that scholarship. It was the one that I wanted. Actually, I knew that a lot of people wanted that scholarship, I knew that it would not be easy to get through. In fact, I was prepared to be rejected sooner or later. I only did not expect it to be the soonest. This was only the first round of interview. Double Ouch.

I actually met an ex-schoolmate at the interview. She got through. Actually, it made sense because she sounded really mature and eloquent. It was obvious that the interviewer liked her. Come to think of it, if I were the interviewer, I would have prefered her anyway.

I guess no matter how extroverted I have become all these time, how hard I tried to become more intelligent, to grow up, to enrich myself, to become the person I want to become, deep down inside, I am still not a very outstanding person afterall. That hurts. Ouch ouch ouch.

On my way home, I cried on the MRT. It was raining very heavily when I left the building, which made me feel even more down. So, on the MRT, as I closed my eyes to pretend to sleep, somehow my tears just flowed. Now, I just hope the people around me would think that I was having a sad dream instead that I was crying after a disappointing interview.

I think this was just the most appropriate thing to happen to me now. I've been too happy for the past few days. Poach has told me this theory, that every single person has a certain quota of sadness and grief. I guess the same thing applies to happy emotions too. I should have seen it coming. I should have known that life is not so easy all the time. Now I wish I wasn't so happy yesterday. It only made today even worse.

Emotionally, I feel very numb now, though I guess I should try to get used to this rejection thing. The results of my US applications will be coming in soon. I've got more interviews coming up. AND, I am a lousy person.