| 0020h [230401]
Feeling... sian Happiness of the day: dinner with all my housemates at one table. Event of the week: 4 ushering assignments this week. I have this semi-conductor homework due tomorrow, which I have no freaking idea how to do, because I've been such a slacker last week, I attended only 1 out of the 3 semi-conductor classes last week. Oops. So I'm gonna have to read the textbook tonight and erm, try to understand what the freak it's saying. It's been a mostly unconstructive weekend for me. I had such great plans or cleaning my room, doing that semiconductor homework, and writing the script. But heck, I didn't do anything until today. And all I did was organise my stuff, to get ready to do work. Oh man....I have this ability to stretch myself out and fill up all the time such that the important stuff are still done last minute, as always. Damn. I think I have too much time on my hands. Like I have too much freedom to choose what I have to do. I know that when I actually have a lot of things going on, there's a natural and definite sequence of priorities, just based on deadlines, and exam dates, and important appointments or something. In that sense, I don't have to think too much, and basically just work with these restrictions. But now that I have so much time, I realise I don't remember how to plan my time anymore. Or rather, I know how to plan, but I change my plans all the time..... And I have too much time to think, to think about things non-consequential to my existence now. Things in my past, and far future. In some ways, it's nice, because it makes me feel a lot more alive in my present, if this makes sense. But in other ways, some parts [especially the past] makes me feel a little down. And restless. So restless that I can't actually sit down and concentrate on my work. I feel like I'm still just looking in on myself, and making certain judgments about myself. The evaluation process is not over yet, and something as trivial as homework just doesn't attract my attention at all. I don't know. It's one of those times when your bones are itching, and you just can't sit still. I can't sit still. I need to be out there. But I can't, because I have to freaking read my semi-conductor textbook! In Singapore, I would have said to my friends: SIAN ah! | |