| 0040h [060401]
Mood: good enough Happiness of the day: Did some constructive work with the script. Event of the week: SSA AGM this coming saturday.
Actually I was in a rather bad mood this afternoon. Not particularly because of anything that happened to me. Things have been rather uneventful with me these days, which is not a bad thing at all. But two of the journals that I've been reading, the girls just broke up with their boyfriends. The situations are totally different. One of them, the guy's some drug-taking biker who's such an abusive asshole. The other, it was really a matter of just not liking her anymore, which probably hurts even more, I guess.
As I read their journals, I felt so sad for them. You dream of the guy, you dream of getting back together, even if you know it's wrong. You miss his touch, and wonder if you can actually be friends again. You look at little notes he wrote and start to cry. The longing, the wishing, the dreaming....I know how tough it is. Especially when you know you'll never get back together again. What's gone is already gone. No matter how wonderful it was. No matter how much you miss it. Because it's just wrong.
The loving words, the flirtatious teasing, the unconditional support. The lingering touch, the gentle touch, the possessive hold. That's what I miss so much. And that's never going to come back. I never write about my romances here, because I still think it's too personal to talk about here. Even when we broke up. I didn't say anything here. I sounded like nothing was wrong. After reading about the girls, I read back on my own entries during those critical times, and I wanted to cry. Because I knew exactly what was actually going on. Because I knew why I said some things, the way I said them. Was it a good idea to not write about it here? I don't know...all I know is, I read about these girls today, and I wanted to cry again. Maybe I'm not quite as alright as I say I am after all....
I stopped reading the journals, because their hurt was hurting me. Eventually, I got out of my room and went to the cafe to do my work alone. Yeah, I think it's better this way.
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