| 1420h
Mood: tired Fact of the day: event of the week: swing dancing tonight
I have a massive headache now. Pain pain pain...skipped two classes in the morning, after work, so that I can perhaps feel rested enough the remaining classes in the afternoon. Finally I'm done for the day, but my headache is still there.
Luckily today is already Friday. The day when I feel justified in just letting loose and.....relax...... Sometimes I feel so sorry for myself, that I actually only have 1 day out of the whole week, to relax. Usually, by Saturday, I would start stressing up over my work again. Not like I actually manage to do anything, but I just get stressed up. Haha.
I get a lot of satisfaction from my busy schedule though. Of course, I don't like it when people give me that "sympathetic" look and ask me, "Why do you torture yourself like that..." I mean, I know they're just trying to show their concern for me, but I also can't help but feel that they don't think I'll be able to manage, as if I'm some ignorant kid who's being too ambitious. I guess people who do that are also people who don't really know me.
I like how my parents reacted. Originally, I thought they would be freaked out that I'm taking two jobs, and overloading on 2 credit hours this semester. So when I called home last week, I half-expected them to try to persuade me to quit. Surprisingly, they totally understood why I had to do that, and just said, "Just do whatever you can do, and be careful." I was so happy they said that. It showed that they trusted me, my judgement of the situation and my evaluation of my own limits. Love them so much.
While I'm so glad they have so much faith in me, sometimes, I want to question myself and curse myself for being so ambitious as well. I'll be lying if I say that the past few weeks have been a breeze for me. Not at all. They've been tough, I feel like I'm going to battle every morning I wake up. And when I go to sleep, if at all, my mind is never completely rested as I worry before I sleep, and my mind is still thinking even when I sleep. I know I'm gonna lose it soon, if this goes on. But things are getting better now, so I'm sure I'll settle down into a more balanced lifestyle soon.
But I won't give up. I know I can do it, so I'm going to. I like challenging my own limits like this. At least I know, now, every minute, every day, I am not wasting my time. I'm either working, or taking a break, as in really just a break, enough to rejuvenate myself to do more work. Unlike last semester, I am actually extremely efficient these days. When I don't have time to waste, I don't waste any! Isn't this such a wonderful fact?
Anyway, I'm beginning to sound like a psycho, so I'd better stop now. Don't really want to waste my Friday away. My rest day.
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