| 1735hr
Mood: better than yesterday Fact of the day: event of the week none.
Sigh. I screwed up my engineering exams. The paper was difficult, so it's kind of a consolation that everyone else thought it was difficult too. But I'm in an especially horrible situation because out of the 3 exams that I have to take for this course, I missed one and the marks I get for that one will be the average of the other two. The one that I missed turned out to be a really easy one and many people scored high 90s. The other two exams are difficult and though maybe I can do well relative to everyone else, I'm still not going to be able to get an average of 90 or even 85. Which therefore means that while everyone else will have their 90+ grades to cushion the impact of the difficult exams, I won't. Damn it.
I failed my driving test today too. I really wanted to pass. Partly because I know I'm a lot more confident on the roads now and I *expect* to pass, and partly because when Po Chin comes visit me next week, I want to pick her up from the airport without having to lug her luggage through the public transport system. I still cannot believe I failed my driving test. I'm going to try again next week though. If I still fail that one, I'll really just have to resign to taking the bus everywhere I go then. Sigh sigh sigh.
As I've been telling my friends, this has been a really lousy week for me. First I fall sick, then my studies turn out to be totally sucky, then I realise I'm running out of money, and the final blow comes when I failed my driving test. I mean, these are not majorly distressing news, but I still feel so beaten. So tired. I've been trying to pick myself up all this time and somehow everytime I feel slightly better, something else will happen to throw me off balance again.
I really should try to cheer up though. My friends here are all so worried for me, calling me to check up on me, coming over to my room to talk to me, giving me nice big hugs [I love those hugs!] and trying to talk sense into me. Li and Lynette are so worried for me, they are taking turns to check on me I think. Shaun now thinks I'm weird cos he thinks that I like to feel depressed. See, the thing is, sometimes I feel that the reason why they're all so worried for me now, is because of the contrast they see between the initial me - crazy and super-enthusiastic - and the present me - solemn and unfun - and it just freaks them out.
Actually, I don't know why I've become this way. Am I really that unhappy here? Or am I a naturally grouchy person? I really wish I can go back to bringing joy to the people around me. I feel so bad for responding so unenthusiastically to my friends, for dampening the mood so often, for making them worry for me. I should smile more and make more stupid corny remarks. That is the Cindy that they are more used to.
Besides, I refuse to believe that I am a naturally grouchy person. Or that I naturally enjoy being depressed. I think I'm just homesick.
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