I don't even know what it is that's making me feel so nonchalant now.

I've studying past 1am for the past few nights, except for last night, when I really just couldn't take it anymore and fell asleep at 11pm. But I still don't understand how the crap quantum physics is talking about, how transistor, diodes, or whatever gates work, or how I'm really supposed to pronounce "quand/quel/maintenant" in french. Now, I don't care anymore. I'm so disappointed with myself.

I'm already trying my best and yet it is still not enough. I probably should have been working consistently for the past 2 months, but isn't it too late to say anything about it now? Whatever it is, I've been a mugger for the past week and it's really not me. I've never been the studious kind and it's draining too much of my energy away.

But don't get me wrong. I also know that I'm not a lazy person. I like doing work, I like actually working on problems or planning something, something actually actively producing some sort of result. But studying is something I cannot completely grasp. It's like, yes, I have read that darn textbook at least 2 times now, but it doesn't mean that I have learnt anything. It doesn't mean that I have accomplished anything.

argh....how the hell did I survive the 'O' and 'A' levels? brr..