Subjects of My Sanity - Part 3 by Terrasa
Standard disclaimers apply

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~Subject: Duo Maxwell~

FuckFuckFuckFuckFUCK!

This has definitely been the worst day of my life. First some freak of a guy sat next to me at lunch, hitting on me the whole time. I think he said “Hey, I’m Zechs,” at least five times! My ignoring him obviously was not working.

And then do you know what the guy had the nerve to do? He fucking touched my braid like he was some close chum of mine. Gah! These stupid stuck up freshman are really driving me nuts! Just because I have long hair it obviously means I am gay and willing to do it with anyone!

Of course, my day becomes worse when that Japanese guy elbowed me hard in the stomach. Right after lunch too! I could have puked up my food if I didn’t have such a strong stomach! Fucking bastard didn’t even say he was sorry! People these days, they all suck!

“I’m home.” I mumbled softly as I passed the living room where my mother was cleaning with the vacuum. She didn’t even look my way, just waved her hand in a mean motion for me to get going… and get out of site. I didn’t need to be told twice, I was more than happy that she didn’t want me to do some gruesome chore.

The basement door creaked loudly as I entered, just the way my parents liked it, so they would know if I were to come out trying to steal food or something. Not that I would ever try to steal food, I had learned my lesson the first time, when my father locked me in the basement without any chow for a week. Hmm… maybe that’s the reason I love food so much now. Though I barely get any at home… school, however, is my food sanctuary! It is also the only time that I can act like I want to, be who I want to be without my parents down my throat all the time.

But, today… I really was starting to hate high school. My dark room was even looking better than that hell hole with its idiocy. Heh, people probably thought ‘I’ was the only idiot there, but truthfully, I could care less. I was not stupid like them, I just acted like it for the fun of it. Annoying people had its thrills, and I was all for a good time… since I never saw it at home.

Most of the time I would get bad grades… only because during that time is when my parents ‘actually’ acknowledge me. Sure, they yell at me for getting such low scores, but it is soon erased as my grades improve. One time my father actually said I did a good job, raising my D to an A. Of course, they wouldn’t compliment me if I got A’s all the time… so I have to make it seem like I was really improving, when in fact I was just answering more answers correctly and turning in my easy homework… kid stuff, really.

Tomorrow was going to be better though… tomorrow I started my first ever chemistry lab. Why would I be so interested in chemistry? Well, because we get to work with fun little poisons! I will succeed! I am going to die tomorrow! There is no way that I could survive ‘all’ of the poisons that will be exposed to us little freshman… I will succeed… I will succeed…

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~Subject: Wufei Chang~

Kuso.

I am screwed.

I shouldn’t have come to school today. I should have just stayed at work like I was suppose to. But, I guess it wouldn’t really matter anyway, since I would still see that kid around.

My first class, I walked in thinking that I was just going to see the same boring uninteresting people that I’ve never gotten around to getting to know, like usual. No, instead I come face to face with the worst possible person to see.

Yesterday… I had a job. The job at some rich mans house. That was probably my first mistake… seeing that blond kid in the hallway… the boy my age who looks like his father. Blue eyes, perfect featured face. He saw me, and probably knew why I was there… but I didn’t think anything of it. I mean, what was I suppose to do? Deny I was going to pleasure his messed up father who likes under aged boys?

Well, first thing I see when walking into the class is him, staring at me with his wide eyes. I wanted to puke, I really wanted to run away and kill myself… I have never been more humiliated in my life! It was bad enough having myself know what I did for a living… but to have other people was… kuso, kuso, KUSO!

There was really nothing for me to say, so I just hung my head and walked quickly to my seat, ignoring him for as long as was possible. I don’t think I could salvage any of my pride that day… being a damn puddle of misery.

He probably was thinking I was a freak, maybe felt sorry for me. I waited the whole hour for him to come up and question me… maybe make fun of me and tell my ‘big naughty secret.’ He didn’t, he didn’t say anything, or talk to me at all… didn’t even acknowledge my presence after that first wide eyed sighting.

I should have been happy that he was not going to tell on me… but I wasn’t.

Some part of me must have wanted everyone to find out. Maybe then I would actually get help… go to jail? That was a possibility… any possibility was a good one when it concerned getting away from that whore house.

But… nothing ever goes the way I want it to. I learned that when running away from the orphanage… I had wanted to run off to live happily ever after with some family who would find me. That, of course… would never happen… especially now.

Quatre Winner… I learned the boys name during role call… his soft voice made me freeze up where I sat. I hadn’t been afraid of much in my life… but I think I was starting to be a little frightened of this boy… for he knew my secret.

What could be going on inside that head of his… was he thinking how disgusting I looked… still wearing the clothes I had on yesterday… only difference was the sweater slung over me to keep warm…

Why was I even worried about this?

Even though I scolded myself for being so paranoid, all through lunch my mind never strayed to far from the blond boy… he could ruin me. I realized it then… if anyone found out… nothing good would come of it… the boss would kill me. He would chop me up into little pieces and dump me in the river. I didn’t doubt he’d do it either… not since I’ve seen it done.

“May I sit here?” I looked up from my food to see a tall thin boy standing over me, his features brightened as I looked up at him and his lips curved up in a cocky little smirk when taking in my appearance. I couldn’t help it, I shuddered. The way he was eyeing me was unnerving… kind of like the looks I get from customers. But I don’t think this boy was checking me out… his weird smile was probably natural… I mean, he was only a freshman… a tall freshman, he couldn’t be wanting… anything from me, right?

My head tilted downward slightly, which he obviously assumed was a go ahead to sit. The metal bench squeaked loudly as he sat, making me shiver as the familiar bed spring sound ran through my head. Kuso! I was really messed up… probably scarred for life. Heh, what am I saying ‘probably’ for… I ‘am’ scarred for life.

I needed to get out of there… but the boy, who I recognized to be Treize from my first hour class, just ‘had’ to start up a conversation.

“So, what school did you go to last year? I don’t think it was mine since I probably would have noticed you.” He said, voice sounding… amused.

My eyes shut tightly as I took a deep breath, who knew I would be having such a hard time talking today. It was all because of the Quatre boy… him and his disgusting father… Kisama!

“South School.” I said blandly, hoping that the annoyed look on my face would get him away. He must have went to the Northern Middle School… the supposed enemy of the Southern one… which was stupid. How can a middle school have an enemy when no one acknowledges them since they are only there to prepare you for high school and break your elementary ways. Well, that is at least my view on middle school… a big waste of time. I don’t think I learned anything during those three years… didn’t really need to worry about my grades all that much. Damn, I’m ‘really’ messed up. It’s not that I didn’t worry about my grades… they were always bad, what was there to worry about? It was impossible to bring them up, not with me missing at least two days a week of school.

Treize didn’t leave, or take the hint that I did not want to talk to him. So I had to sit through the lunch from hell, answering all of his retarded pointless questions that I knew he was never going to put to use. There was no escape… just like there was no escape from my fucked up life. So why was I complaining so much? Why didn’t I just get over it and start to enjoy my twisted world?

I knew the answer. It was simple. Because I wasn’t crazy… I was not insane enough to find selling my body a ‘fun’ thing to do. I don’t think I will ever be psychotic enough to like being beaten for unsatisfying someone… I wont… I would rather die than give the boss what he wanted.

I’ll give him my body… but he will never have my sanity.

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~Subject: Quatre Winner~

I knew it… I knew he was my age. Knew that there was probably the possibility that he would be going to my school. Didn’t have the slightest clue that he would actually be in ‘my’ class though. My first class to be exact.

Right as he walked in I knew it was him, he even was wearing the same clothes, same hair, eyes, it was definitely the boy I had seen steal a dirty spoon from my house… he was the boy… who went to my father.

I was shocked.

Ok, a little more than shocked.

The look on his face was of panic, I think he was even more speechless than me. I could see as his dark eyes widened and his breath literally stopped for all of three second. Then he was gone, shoulders slumping like I had seen them do just yesterday and he made his way quickly to find a seat… farthest from me… from the person who knew him.

I don’t mean that I ‘knew’ him well… like someone would a friend, but I was probably the only person who knew ‘anything’ about him. I don’t know why I figured that… its just a feeling I get… the feeling he gives off.

Lonely. He must not have any friends. People will do that, ya know. They will see your clothes… your greasy hair and automatically avoid you. Heh, I’m not one to really talk… I’ve only been in school for one day… what would I know about anything that deals with peers? But I do… it happens even outside of school… like on the city bus. You see someone walk in with piercing in every place imaginable and your body automatically pushes you farther away from the person… the person who is not normal… for normal is good. At least that is what I have been taught. I’d like to question those teachings from my father, if only I had the courage to do so.

Heh, my first day of learning how to ‘socialize’ and I am already scared. Scared because of that kid, the one who I know… I know his secret and he must be hating me. Will he beat me up? Threaten to kill me if I so much as open my mouth? Hmm… that actually sounds exciting. What would my father say if I came home with a black eye and bruises all over my body?

Ok, that doesn’t seem so exciting anymore.

There was only one thing I could do… keep my mouth shut and avoid him as much as possible. I just hope that would be as easy as it sounded. There was thirty other kids in my class, about a thousand in this school… how hard can it be to avoid one short little person?

Pretty damn hard.

Lunchtime was exhausting… me running around trying to find a seat. Of course, I seemed to be one of the only people who didn’t have friends to sit with, so I decided that sitting by myself couldn’t be ‘that’ bad. I had spotted a nice little table, in the dark corner… it looked rather inviting, until the boy… Wufei… sat down right before I got there.

Wufei Chang… definitely a Chinese name. Was it even his real name? That was one of the many questions running through my stupid brain (which daydreams about all the possibilities of nothingness way too much). These questions I have, bring pictures to my head and then it is overloaded with too much information when stacked up on top of the stuff I learned in my first day of school. So What do you think is the outcome of an over loaded daydreaming mind?

Drat. Another headache, ow.

Questions, questions, question… why does he do what he does? How the hell does one… get into a situation where you have to… umm… prostitute? Did he know it was illegal… he was only… what? Fifteen years old? The age of a child really… even though I don’t like to admit it… because that would be calling myself a child, since I am fifteen also… but we always feel older than we actually are, now don’t we?

After another five minutes of searching, I finally spotted a place to sit. The table was right in the center of the loud cafeteria, but there was only two other occupants using it at the time.

Ok! Courage… just have to go up to them and… uh… ask to sit? Or maybe I should just sit and not say anything… because asking to sit might not be what one normally does… or do they have another method in which is used to be allowed to sit at a table… ahhhh! I hate trying to socialize! I was no good at it! Why did my father pick high school of all the times to tell me to make friends and go to a public school. Didn’t he realize that high school kids had the hardest time fitting in when new? I read it in the peer pressure handbook. Yes, I have come prepared.

“Umm… c-can I sit here?” I asked one of the tables occupants. A blond girl I recognized looked up to me, light blue eyes shinning as she took in my appearance.

“Oh, Quatre. You certainly can.” Huh? She knew my name!

“I’m Relena, from your first hour class. So rude of me to not introduce myself earlier!” Her hand stuck out and I took it hesitantly but soon felt relieved that I had actually met someone, officially met someone!

“Nice to meet you!” And that started my very short friendship with one Relena Peacecraft, or as people call her, Gossip Queen. That would probably explain why my friendship with her was so short, that and the fact that Relena left soon after I sat down, saying she needed to go introduce herself to her boyfriend.

What an odd girl. Never sat with her at lunch after that, because I was left alone with the other person who was sitting at the table before I came, and was forced to make some sort of conversation with… the girl… with neon-ish purple hair. Hilde was her name… besides my first fright of her brightly colored look, she was very nice. Nice enough to actually become my friend… a long term one that is. And we sat together ever since, far away from pink fake animal fur purses as we could get.

And the funny thing was, our friendship started with four simple words, “I like you hair.” Heh, and I did… after some getting use to, of course.

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~Subject: Trowa Barton~

Chemistry… such a pointless subject to do in school. What is the point of learning about it when half of the chemicals were banned because of angry mothers going to court and suing the school for their child’s idiocy. Now they make us sign contracts, because they are afraid we will sue, they will lose money, and the class will be temporarily shut down… which will cause a couple teachers to be out of job, and not to mention the money lost after the teachers sue for being fired.

Wow, what a strange day and age we live in where someone can sue for goofing off, not paying attention and getting their ‘own’ arm blown off. It’s like saying, “I wasn’t paying attention to your warning about that fire over there, my sleeve caught on fire because I wasn’t listening, I lost the use of my arm because I didn’t know where the sink was… because even after the teacher had told me I couldn’t remember. So now I am suing the school because I was a complete retard, and it was all ‘my’ fault, but I still want money, you know… to pay for my college… the college I plan on getting into… because they wont care what my grades are as long as I have money.”

Yes… something like that.

Back to the chemistry class… here I was, listening to the old man in a white lab coat go over some experiment we were doing. I was not paying attention, I’ve already done everything in the book at my house… well most of it. I don’t think I care to send a balloon attached to a straw with a string through it flying across my room. That stuff is pretty boring.

Yes, I was smart enough to listen to the warnings, however stupid they were.

“Don’t get it in your mouth or eyes, it is highly poisonous.” The teacher had said. Obviously. I don’t know how anyone could think that the yellow substance that looked similar to pee could be coolaid and edible… well except for one person.

I couldn’t help but overhear the soft mumbling from across the room. The weird braided student was sitting over his container of yellowy goo with a big crazy smile plastered on his face. Violet eyes were wide as he looked around the room quickly to make sure no one was watching him.

I’m pretty sure no one but me could hear the soft, “It’s going to work… going to work… going to work.” He kept saying that over and over like a mantra and his eyes once again stared wickedly into the clear beaker.

“Are you Trowa?” A small girl with red hair asked, looking at me nervously. My eyes were forced to turn from the very interesting site across the room to meet hers. She just ‘had’ to question me while I had found something interesting to do! Watching some kid go crazy was highly amusing.

I shook my head, and pointed to some random kid a desk away. Silently telling her that, ‘I am not Trowa, he is Trowa.’ Yes, me only speak cave man.

Did I mention that I was a compulsive liar?

Anyway, as I turned my attention back to this Duo guy, I could see he had now dipped his finger into the substance and was bringing it to his lips, smile growing wider as he licked his finger clean.

I think for the first time my mouth actually dropped open and eyes widened immensely in shock as he placed the beaker to his lips and leaned back, causing it to run into his mouth and down his throat. There was a moment where I sat frozen, watching as his eyes squeezed shut and he made a small coughing sound, grabbing his stomach as if in pain.

Damn… this was not good.

 

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TBC

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