Subjects of My Sanity - Part 10 by
Terrasa
Standard disclaimers apply
~Subject: Quatre Winner~
Something was wrong. I could tell easily enough as I found them in
the lunch room, hiding behind their usual expressions, but with a
hint of something that had me worried. I could clearly Duo making
jokes, acting as he normally did, but I could also see that his cheer
was not real, it did not reach his eyes. The normal sparkle was not
present.
But I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t really feel like angering
him by butting in on his business, not with us being newly friends
and all. And Duo wasn’t the only one who seemed a little out
of the norm. Though, I don’t really know if I should call it
abnormal, I’ve only known these people a couple days…
what would I know about how they usually act? But, anyway, like I
was saying before, the others were acting… I’ll call it
odd. They were acting odd. Heero was sitting across the table from
me, at the edge of the table if I might add. He seemed to be wanting
to get as far away from Duo as possible, and with good reason. I think
that he was a little unnerved at what happened Friday.
That emotionless face Heero showed would have anyone fooled, making
them think that nothing would ever bother him. Looking to other things,
however, would clearly show he was very uncomfortable. I watched,
mesmerized as he ate his food, fork hitting his plate with almost
an urgency… like he was trying to make his food disappear as
fast as he could. That told me he wanted to leave, get out of here…
maybe to escape Duo. The happenings yesterday did not seem to go as
planned. I don’t know why Heero had freaked out the way he did,
but that was definitely not normal.
I have to admit, I would be a little frightened if I had woken up
in someone’s arms as well. Ok, so I can not honestly say I would
be unnerved by it, since I have never woken up in someone’s
arms… so therefore it is just a guess that I would be freaked
out.
Anyways, on to the others…
Trowa, I think, was the only one who was acting the same as usual.
Though, it was always hard to tell with him. To me, he just seemed
to be always amused by something. What a strange boy… yet I
found him absolutely fascinating. I would watch him during first hour…
my head playing with daydreams of what it would be like to go through
school not talking to anyone. Of course… I didn’t think
I could do it. Another reason for me to be amazed by the silent boy
sitting next to me. Today, however, the only change in his demeanor
was how he kept watching Heero. His eyes, once trained on Duo like
a hawk, now seemed to be interested in this new subject, Heero Yuy.
Hmm… Now that I think about it, his name is pretty unusual.
I wonder if it has something to do with his religion? Wait, scratch
that, it was a stupid question. He probably is Chinese… wait…
no, Wufei is Chinese. That would make Heero more Japanese. Though,
I have never seen one with blue eyes. Fascinating, really. I should
research into this matter…
Ugh, I really need to get a life.
The most obviously bothered person at the table would have to be
Wufei, something was definitely wrong with him. I could tell easily
enough, even with only knowing him a short while. It could have been
how he kept glancing towards the window outside, looking for something
on the street. Or it could have been the fact that he kept playing
with his food, swirling his mash potatoes around and around and around
on the plastic lunch tray. You know, it might have also been the fact
that he had a cut lip, a bruised cheek and his other hand, not swirling
his food, was twitching slightly. Yes, he was most definitely worried
by something. Though, I don’t know if I should say worried…
was he troubled? Or was he scared? Yes, he looked to be slightly frightened.
I would have loved to ask him what was wrong, my curiosity being so
high and all… but, luckily, Duo saved me from the angry glare
bound to come from Wufei and asked the question for me. How very kind
of him to do so!
“Wu? What’s wrong with you today? You look like you fell
out of bed, ran into the door and was chased to school by a stalker!”
Duo explained, the cheerful tone sounding forced. I wonder if he was
actually just worried about Wufei, but only chose those words in order
to hide that embarrassing fact.
“Maxwell…” Wufei sighed, at first I thought that
he was going to give in and tell us what was bothering him. But, Wufei
isn’t that simple of a person, after all. “Why did you
have to sit at ‘my’ lunch table?” His words were
lined with annoyance and he gave another frustrated sigh when Duo’s
only reaction was a big grin.
Duo had spotted me early and made sure we both sat with Wufei…
in his secluded corner table. Trowa, of course, followed along. The
only other person missing was Heero, which Duo kept looking for. It
wasn’t that hard to find the Japanese boy, all you had to do
was follow the flaming pink trails of Relena screams and… there
you go! Duo had, sadly enough, dragged him to our table. The only
reason I think Heero didn’t bolt straight away was because that
would draw the attention of Relena, who was currently scanning that
crowds for her lost boyfriend. Truthfully, I didn’t think he
all that minded being with us, even after all his deadly glares. I
don’t think anyone would enjoy eating at a table by themselves…
which is what would have happened to Heero, most likely, or Relena
would be his companion. His only companion… how very frightening.
It wasn’t just the five of us, no, we had company along the
way. Hilde, of course, had taken a liking to Duo. The only thing odd
about that was how she still flirted with me, acting like we were
dating, when it was really obvious how she was mad over Duo, by how
she would steal a glance in his direction… a little more than
necessary. My mind played over that fact for awhile, and after sitting
and pondering for… about a minute, I came to the conclusion
that I was being used. I know I should have been upset, insulted,
for being used to get the attention of another boy… but for
some reason I was a little relieved.
I know I liked Hilde… I just wished I could have liked her
more. A part of me was afraid of what would happen if I did start
to actually fall for her… in the sexual way. Another part of
me was urging me to do so, get my head where it is suppose to be,
become a normal person. Now, seeing as Hilde was obviously trying
to make Duo jealous, and I was not bothered by this, I found myself
mulling over the fact that I might never be able to change that unwanted
part of me.
I sighed into my soda, eyes closing. I think I was getting another
headache. I really had to stop worrying over trivial matters.
“Q, that is the third time today! You going to tell us why
you keep banging your head against your drink or should I use my imagination?”
I looked up, a little startled at Duo’s words. I hadn’t
even noticed that I had been doing that so much!
“Aa… sorry.” My eyes closed slightly as I smiled.
He just rolled his eyes and said something about Monday’s being
hell days.
“So Hilde… what is with you and Quatre?” My eyes
widened. Dorothy, a girl with a slightly rude mouth, was looking in
the direction of… well, me and Hilde. I could feel myself getting
hot in the face just thinking of what Hilde would answer with.
And for the damn bloody bastards up there in my head, I prayed that
she wouldn’t say what I thought she would.
“Huh? Oh! Do you mean whether or not we are dating?”
Hilde asked in a cheerful tone, obviously glowing with happiness at
the questions.
Drat, just someone shoot me and get this over with. I hadn’t
really known these people that long to begin with and I am already
in an overly embarrassing situation. I could barely see through my
bangs, trying to hide my eyes as Dorothy nodded her head with that
look on her face that told me she was thoroughly enjoying this.
“Oh! Well…” By now, everyone was looking at the
two of us… I swear, it felt like an hour had gone by with them
all staring at me, though it was only a couple seconds. “Nothing
really, we are just friends. We met on the first day and…”
Oh thank Allah! I didn’t even listen to the rest of her speech,
too absorbed into my thankfulness. Why… I had freaked out so
bad… was annoying. I should have been wishing for her to say
we were going out… should have… I should like the girl…
or any girl. Maybe she is just not the right one for me.
I looked up towards where Dorothy sat across the table, thinking
maybe I could find some attractiveness within her… or her outward
appearance? Nope, she was, truthfully, scaring me. Her blond eyebrows,
forked in such a way that the devil would be put to shame! Ok, that
was a little harsh… really harsh, but the girl looked evil.
The sinister smirk on her face didn’t help that thought either.
I sighed, banging my head once again on my soda can.
`````````````
After school had me stumbling onto the bus, head drooping in exhaustion.
I guess I still was not used to the whole waking up early for school
thing. My home schooling was, well, at home and certainly did not
take place at seven o’clock, making me have to wake up at thirty
minutes after five, catch the bus ten minutes after six, make it to
school with ten minutes to wake up from the short nap on the bus,
run to my locker, hurry to class, try not to trip on the bags in the
desk isles… I was beat. I never realized it would be so…
different… and hard.
Ouch, the seats were really not comfortable today. But I didn’t
complain, I was the one whom insisted on riding the thing like normal
kids do in the first place. My father nearly threw a fit, or a fist
through the wall. I was probably exaggerating, he always seemed angry
to me.
By the time I made it to my street, I was daydreaming about my bed,
thinking how nice it would be to just snuggle up with my pillow. Of
course, as I stepped inside the gate, noticing my father, I knew I
would not get that luxury. He was looking to me with those eyes, the
ones that meant business. Great, I didn’t think I had done anything
wrong.
“Quatre, your sister is waiting inside for you.” I cringed
as my father met my eyes, the cold expression silently telling me
what I was suppose to do.
I nodded my head like the good puppet and walked into my father’s
study. Sure enough, my sister, Iria, was waiting for me. We were left
alone in the room, though I had a feeling that my father probably
left a tape recorder somewhere, so as to spy on me in any way possible,
making sure I was not straying off course.
“Quatre!” She jumped up from her seat, eyes shining brightly
at me. I had always loved it when she visited me, always enjoyed my
time spent with her… that is, until recently.
Iria and our father hadn’t been the closest people, she left
right after graduating high school, to set up her life the way she
wanted. I was envious, a little jealous, seeing as she had gotten
something I wanted. It made me feel spoiled though, those thoughts.
I felt like I was asking too much in my short life. There was only
so much luxuries one can get, no?
My father had not been pleased with her life style. Iria… was
one of those people that strived to help others, her job barely paid
her enough to eat with, because it had such short hours. Most of her
time was spent volunteering places, becoming closer to her community,
trying to change it for the better sort of thing. I had been fascinated
with the stories she told me about people she met… that was
the thing, she met a variety of people. Not just the high class ones
that I am suppose to be associating with, but she interacted, lived,
talked to the lower class as well. My father hated it, despised it,
and on a number of occasions got into heated discussions with Iria.
Most of these took place when I was still too small to understand
most of it… I hadn’t realized the argument usually turned
to me until last year sometime.
Iria wanted me out. She wanted to help me get away from this place,
she understood the strictness I was put under because she had also
been subjected to it. She would come by once a month, wanting to see
me, looking for anything that might get me put under her custody instead.
She would question me… and I could do nothing, but tell her
I was fine.
Not once did I ever say that I wanted to leave with her… the
words she was looking for, but I knew she could tell… I knew
she understood why I was reluctant to speak. She told me, before she
left, that she would try her best… she didn’t say with
what, but it was obvious what it was… and I felt sad.
I remember walking out of the room that day, my father standing there
with that smug expression on his face, as if knowing that he had won
once again… and I just nodded to him, silently saying that I
had been a good little puppet.
He had failed in attempt to control my sister… there was no
way he was going to fail a second time.
I didn’t think Iria would be able to help me. There was nothing…
seriously wrong with my fathers methods other than them being strict.
A court will not just take the custody away from the parent without
reason…. without proof.
How can one prove that they are a… slave to their parent? How
could I prove that he is not only doing this for the better of my
future?
I couldn’t… I could not get away. There was no escaping…
there was no escaping the ‘him’ I would become.
Depressed… not only tired, but now that awful depression was
lurking over me. I sat on my bed, head hanging in my hands. I hadn’t
wanted Iria to leave… I wished more than anything that I could
have gone with her… lived without this structure.
I had just laid my head on the pillow, eyes closed almost all the
way when a servant interrupted my attempt at sleep. Of course! How
could I have forgotten that dinner is served at five… just like
always! Oh! Lets not forget to change into dinner clothes now! Ugh,
even my thoughts were starting to become sarcastic…
Drat… another headache!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
~Subject: Wufei Chang~
“The boss is looking for ya.” Those words… the
ones I had been dreading all weekend came. But what was worse was
the next sentence out of Dolla‘s mouth, “He looks hell
of a pissed off.”
I looked up from where I was laying on the bed, dirty sheets barely
covering all of my waist. Dolla was standing in the door, elbow resting
on the frame as she smirked at me, obviously amused that I was going
to get in trouble, beat… or something worse.
Little did she know that the one thought running through my head
at that moment was that I needed to leave… now.
It was on the way home from our little diner incident that I found
myself staring into the window of the downtown electronics store.
Like most of the day, looking on the news for anything happening.
This time, however, I found what I had been looking for.
Dead body found.
The news reporters voice rang through my ears even now, laying here
staring at the ceiling. I don’t know why I had not run at first
mention of Pair’s body being found on the side of the road.
Maybe because of the thought that it would be useless, I had nowhere
to run, nowhere to hide. Calculating the time I had seen the broadcast,
and the times that the boss usually sat down to watch television,
I estimated that I had about three days or so until he would find
out. Of course, I was probably wrong.
Dolla left me to get dressed, I think she figured I would just go
on my own to the boss’s room, like usual. Instead, I packed
up my stuff, quietly as to not sound suspicious to anyone walking
through the hallway to their rooms. I didn’t have much, just
a couple books, some clothes, and the money I had managed to steal
within this month. It was less than a hundred, and I scolded myself
for buying the books when I could have had more to eat with now. I
slipped out the door quietly, making sure no one was in the hallway
that would ask why I had a pillowcase sack over my shoulder.
I had planned to make a nice swift getaway, maybe go stay under a
bridge somewhere until I figured out what to do. But, things rarely
go as planned. Of course, right as I turn towards the door, the one
leading out of this rat infested apartment complex, I just had to
run into the boss. Of all the people!
Angry eyes turned towards me from where he stood, hunched over in
the middle of the hallway. I could feel my heart picking up its pace
as my mind screamed in terror of being caught… so soon. Way
too soon. This wasn’t suppose to happen! Kuso! My head lowered
automatically in defeat as he made his way over to me, eyes boring
into me angrily. It’s funny how I just seemed to give up with
one little thing gone wrong… just threw my plan out the window
because of this! I am weak! But I can not help it when in the presence
of him… it’s the hate… the fear… everything
he makes me feel, added with extra disgust. I felt trapped, like I
could never escape him. And I didn’t understand why! He didn’t
look to be that strong… that mobile. But, knowing that he has
killed… it adds onto my doubts of being able to beat him in
anything… especially my escape.
“Get’n ere. Now.” He yanked on my shirt collar,
pulling me into one of the rooms aligning the hallways. It wasn’t
his office, not that it mattered much. He owned everything here anyways,
or at least someone did. I never could figure out if he was the main
guy in charge or if he had another… there was always the thought
that any customer coming here would be too freaked out by his appearance
to want to do business. That brought up the theory that maybe someone
else brought in the people, and the boss just managed the… merchandise.
“What’s dat?” He asked me angrily, crooked finger
aimed at the sack on my shoulder. I gulped slightly, or attempted
to gulp. My throat seemed really dry and I think my eyes were a little
too wide.
“J-just trash.” I answered quickly, hoping he wouldn’t
find it any more interesting. He turned away, much to my relief. It
seemed… that his anger wasn’t directed towards me like
I had initially thought it was.
Maybe he hadn’t found out about the body. I tried not to get
my hopes up to high, but it was really difficult as the minutes dragged
on, with the boss roaming the room in search of something. Every once
in a while he would spit out a curse or two as his search came up
to nothing.
I think I was shaking by the time his attention finally came back
to me. It felt like I was standing in front of a class, getting ready
to give a presentation, the nervousness of fifty eyes on me…
but ten times worse.
“Ere‘… godda take dis ta Benzies fer me.”
He held out a manila envelope… one I had recognized right away.
The boss used to have me deliver money to the house down the street,
about a five minute walk, but he hadn’t given me that job for
over a year.
I should have been suspicious… or anything, but I was just
too nervous to really think at the time. I took the envelope shakily
from his hands, leaving as quickly as I could.
The first thing that went through my mind as I exited the old apartment
building was that I was never going to come back there. It was relieving,
but also very frightening. I’d assume it would be much like
running away from home, I would know, since I ran away from the orphanage
all those years back. But, this time, I had no real plan… no
fake dreams… no hope.
I opened the envelope as I made my way around the first of the street
corners. I had never planned on going to ’Benzies’ as
the boss called him. I actually would much rather have taken the money
and split, only there was one problem with that. There was no money.
Instead, the enveloped parted to reveal a strange, flat metal box…
or maybe it was and ornament of some kinds. The box was made out of
some black metal, but did not seem to open anywhere. No hinges, no
cracks. I shook it, seeing as it was so light, it must have been hollow.
There was a slight clunking from inside, making me raise an eyebrow
slightly. What the hell was it?
I shoved the envelope in my pocket. The box, which I had decided
to examine later, when I was farther away, I put in my shirt pocket.
My mind did not dwell over the strange item for very long… I
was too occupied with the scary thought of being on my own. Nowhere
to go… and someone sure to be after me soon. Of course, one
thing I had forgotten in my moment of drifting thoughts, I should
never have gone into an alley by myself, especially in this part of
town.
The next thing I felt, was the sensation of being watched, for I
wasn’t alone anymore. I turned my head, slowly around, wishing
that the three guys standing there, leering at me, were just my imagination.
Was I screwed? Probably. But for some reason it didn’t seem
like it would be so bad getting beat up by a bunch of punks, maybe
I’d get robbed too… and oddly enough, I did not care all
that much. I was just relieved that it was not the boss on the other
side of that punch aimed at my jaw. It wasn’t his hands that
grabbed my shoulders to presumably knee me in the stomach. It was
not his ugly weight that slammed my head onto the hard surface, blacking
me out of awareness.
I don’t know how long it was before I awoke, to find myself
gasping for breath, my stomach and head throbbing in pain. Of course,
I was robbed, nothing left of my sack or my money… oh…
wait, I think they left one of my shoes behind. Though, it was laying
in a puddle of some brown goop, I don’t think I was in any big
hurry to retrieve it.
As my mind started to work again, seemingly coming out of the numb
shock I had received, the full situation seemed to just hit me. I
had no money. I had no clothes. I had nowhere to go, in other words,
I was even more screwed.
“Kisama!” I couldn’t stop myself from feeling angry,
my fist slamming into the wall. Yeah, not a very good idea. That hurt.
I sighed heavily, trying to think up some options… at least
school was tomorrow, I could always go there to get something to eat.
Though, I’d probably have to leave town soon… not that
I could even afford that. The boss was not going to just sit there
while I ran away… and I was willing to bet the first place he
would look for me would be the school.
I dragged my sore body out of the alley, making my way in the direction
of the school grounds. Who knows, maybe I could make it there by morning,
it was only a couple miles… I think. My hand came up to wipe
some of the grime off of my shirt, trying to make myself look somewhat
presentable. I couldn’t hold in the almost maniac laugh that
escaped my lips as my hand brushed against my shirt pocket.
Looks like I still had that stupid box.
*******
TBC
*******
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