Somethings Not Right - Part 1 by Terrasa
Standard disclaimers apply
It’s the end of the war, and for one person there
is absolutely nothing planned for his future. Duo Maxwell sat at his
small table with only one chair in his small dirty home on L2. He
had moved back here in hopes of finding something meaningful to do
with his life. But as he sat there eating his stale bread with a small
amount of butter, all he could think about is his failures. He was
a nobody, he never got phone calls, no on ever came to visit him,
he was alone.
Well Duo wasn’t alone all the time. At night a lonely cobalt
boy would occupy his dreams. Heero Yuy, his once fellow pilot who
was now staying at one of the many estates Quatre had. From what he
could find out, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei were all living there as well.
Duo of course had been invited but he refused, saying he needed time
to find himself. But as the days grew on, Duo felt himself wishing
he would have taken up that offer, if only to see Heero.
His dreams were very real like. Duo would talk to Heero about there
days, there feelings. But every morning Duo would wake up to the realization
that they were dreams and only that. The conversations, even though
they seemed so real, were all in his mind.
So here he was pondering his dreams while eating his poor mans breakfast.
He was always hungry it seemed. But Duo couldn’t afford more,
and once again he scolded himself on his refusal to stay where he
now knew he wanted to be. With Heero. Maybe it wasn’t too late
after all. Quatre sure wouldn’t be less than happy to see him,
but what of the others. They probably don’t care too much for
the joker who would annoy them once again with his wise crack jokes
and comments. And there was nothing to say that Heero even thought
once about Duo.
Duo sighed sitting up, he was really depressed lately, Heero had
not been in his dreams as much. Maybe only two times a week where
before it was ever night. He wondered what Heero was doing now. In
thinking about him Duo wandered over to the couch and fell asleep
with thoughts of meeting him again in his dreams.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Duo stood just outside a clearing of grass surrounded by trees. Inside
the clearing stood Heero laying on his back looking at the pale blue
sky. Duo was hesitant to go up to him for some reason he did not know.
As he was about to step out of the trees to greet his dream friend,
Heero said something that had Duo stop in his tracks.
“I want to die.” From what Duo could see, a single tear
ran down his right cheek as Heero closed his eyes. Duo’s breath
caught in his throat. He swallowed the lump in throat as he approached
slowly.
“H-Heero?” It seemed he had startled him for Heero was
on his feet in a defensive crouch glaring at Duo for a second before
realizing who he was. His body then relaxed out of his crouch as he
took in Duo standing there in front of him.
“Hello Duo.” He said while sitting back down on the grass
motioning for Duo to lay next to him.
“You didn’t mean that did you?… About wanting to
die?” Duo looked at his face searching for
signs that he knew he wouldn’t find. Heero was always too well
hidden behind his mask, but to his surprise Heero dropped his head
and looked at the ground as if ashamed of himself.
“I just don’t feel I am worth anything, I live my life
doing the same things every day. Nothing is… meaningful anymore.
I don’t have the will to live anymore, I’m just tired
of life.” Duo eyes widened at what Heero had said.
::Heero would never think things like that would he? I must be going
crazy to be dreaming of him being depressed::
Heero sighed before looking into Duo bright eyes. “And I think
I’m really losing it, to be seeing you in my dreams all the
time.” Duo’s eyes widened even more as he heard Heero
saying he was just a dream.
::Could he really be dreaming the same thing as me? Us both talking
to each other in our dreams? Not likely… probably just my hopes
shaping my dream::
“Looks like were both crazy buddy, of course I know I’ve
already lost it. But dreaming of you is what keeps me going, at least
I never have those awful nightmares about the war anymore.”
Duo exclaimed while rising to his feet and stretching.
Heero looked at him puzzled for a moment until Duo began to speak
again. “Why do you really want to die Heero?”
Duo saw Heero take a deep breath as if preparing for a long speech.
“I hate myself, and I know everyone else must hate me too. Especially
you, otherwise you would probably have stayed at the estate like the
rest of the pilots. I was so cold to you, I never forgave myself for
all the cruelty that I showed you.” Duo felt tears in his eyes,
this dream was just way to real, but deep down he felt Heero would
never say those things in reality, but he wished it was true. He wanted
him to look at Duo like he did in the dreams. “No one in the
estate seems to like me much either, I’m just not cut out to
peace time. All I am good for is combat and war. I’m nothing
with out that.” Heero looked at the ground tracing the rocks
with his eyes. Duo could see an internal battle was going on inside
his head.
“Heero, dying isn’t going to solve anything, you just
have to learn to cope. And find something to do, or something you
want and go get it.” Heero seemed to ponder Duo’s words.
“I’ve already lost what I want.” As Heero looked
into his eyes Duo felt a shiver run down his spine.
“What did you lose?”
Heero’s eyes softened and Duo could see the sadness inside
of them. “You.”
Duo felt his mouth drop and eyes widened, then he came to realize
that this was only a dream.
::Not real, Not Real! Heero would never say something like that in
real life::
“Th-Then why don’t you just come and… visit or
something… I mean you never even showed any interest in me or
where I went.”
“You wouldn’t want to see me not after what I did to
you.”
*flashback*
“Ne, Heero what ya doin?” Duo bounded up behind Heero
on his laptop placing his arms around Heero’s neck trying to
get a look at the screen. Heero jumped up and pushed Duo to the floor,
hard. His eyes widened as he saw the look of hurt on Duo’s face.
“Don’t touch me.” Heero said coolly as he stared
back at his laptop which was now shut hiding his journal which he
had been writing in. And at that moment he had been writing about
Duo. His heart had nearly jumped out of him when Duo put his arms
around him, and before he could think he had thrown Duo off. Now Duo
lay on the floor looking at Heero with such sadness in his eyes. But
he blinked and the sadness had disappeared replaced by Duo’s
almost too cheerful smile.
“Ah, Gomen! I just wanted to say… Goodbye.” Duo
looked down at the ground before continuing. “I’m not
gonna stay with you guys at the estate, I think I’ll take up
salvaging in L2, that’s where I used to live ya know, in case
you forgot.”
Heero did know, he knew more about Duo than the braided boy realized.
But he never would admit it. He just didn’t know how to.
Duo got up and walked to the door. He stood there staring at Heero
as if waiting for him to say something, but Heero just stood there
staring. Duo mock saluted him and with one last smile he shut the
door and was gone from Heero’s life. Standing in the middle
of the now empty room, Heero felt his heart tighten and his stomach
squeeze into a knot. He fell to the floor eyes wide, ::What have I
done? I didn’t even say goodbye. I. Didn’t.::
*end flashback*
Duo knew what Heero was talking about. When Duo had left that day
he had cried all the way to L2 on the shuttle. Nothing was worse than
finding out that Heero really did hate him. The realization of it
had made him stronger though, as days went by he began to almost forget
about Heero. Until the dreams started happening.
Duo saw Heero look down and he was about to say something when his
eyes widened and he put his hand on his stomach as if in pain.
“Heero!” Duo rushed to touch him but he disappeared before
he could tell what happened.
~~~~~~~~~
Duo awoke sweating and panting on the couch. ::What is this feeling.
Its like that wasn’t just a dream, and Heero was really in pain.::
He had a sickening feeling in his stomach, and as he figured what
it was he raced to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet emptying
his breakfast into the bowl
::Something’s not right, I shouldn’t be getting so worked
up about a dream, Heero isn’t going to kill himself, he isn’t,
he is probably relaxing right now by Quatre’s pool without even
thinking of me::
Even as Duo tried to convince himself, the strange feeling in him
wouldn’t go away. ::Oh Heero I hope you don’t do anything
stupid!:: Duo walked over to his computer. ::Maybe I can find out
something, anything that would put me at ease. He searched through
files on Earth trying to locate anything on Heero. After about an
hour or so he finally found a recent doctors prescription.
“Ah, Damnit!”
*******
TBC
*******
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