Sandali nating isipin ang mga nasawi sa South Asia dahil sa tsunami. Seryoso. ('_') Pero para sa mga mapuputukan ngayon dahil matigas ang ulo, gudlak na lang sa inyo!

Iniisip ko kanina kung magda-drama ba ako pag pumatak na ang alas-dose. Yung habang todo na ang putukan e nag-mo-moment ako sa may pinto... nag-mu-muni-muni kung ano ang mga ihaharap sa akin ng darating na taon. Kaso nung ginawa ko ito last year, nagka-bulutong ako after one week. So, huwag na lang. Naghilamos na lang ako kanina, para maaliwalas ang pasok ng taon.

Nga pala, isang taon na ang nakalipas simula nang nagkabulutong ako. Nyeta yang bulutong na yan! Bitter pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. Pero di na dapat mag-drama. Masaya nga ako diba? (Entry 28)

O siya, dako na tayo sa mga quotable quotes ko para sa buwan ng Enero.

"You must choose happiness.
Happiness is a habit.
It is the harvest of a quiet mind."

Mas maraming benefits kapag laging masaya kaysa laging malungkot.

"Nothing wrong in trying.
Think like there's nothing to lose,
but maybe something to gain.
Lastly, be in yourself."

Dahil sa YM, hands-on pa rin sa aking mga affairs ang tatay ko kahit na nasa Saudi ito. It's not time to make a change... just relax, take it easy... hehe.� Salamat sa mga nuggets, ang galing-galing.

"Pray ka."

You've brought me closer back to Him. I will. Promise.�

KALUSKOS

Kanina, kasabay namin mag-New-Year ang Papa ko via webcam. Mula alas-onse tuloy, naka-internet kami. Di ko tuloy nalaman kung may tumawag ba sa akin nung alas-dose na. Wala pa naman masyadong nag-text sa 'kin. Dadalawa lang. (,") Anyway, mahilig mag-sumbong itong Tatay ko kay Mama via YM:

"Minsan sa kwarto, amoy tinga. Tinanong ko si ____ (ka-officemate at kasama sa bahay) kung nagtitinga ba siya ...ang sagot oo... Sabi ko amoy sa buong kwarto. Nagalit at sabi sobra naman daw ako. Pero ang baho talaga."

"Bagay lang talaga sila nung kabit niya dahil si ____ mabaho hininga at yung kabit nya mabaho ang singaw ng katawan. Walang mga kahihiyan. Alam namang pam-bachelor yung bahay namin, tapos magdadala siya ng kabit."

"Minsan narinig ko hindi napigilan nung babae na humalinghing. Ang ginawa ko hininaan ko yung radio, siguro naudlot yung ginagawa nila."

"Tuwing nakakarinig ako ng langitngit ng kama nila, parati kong hinihinaan ang radio at bigla silang tumatahimik. Bitin sila."

Maaga ako papasok ngayon. 8:30 ang klase kong Math 2: Practical Math pero 5:30 pa lang gising na ako. Ayoko ng magpa-late. Di naman sa nakiki-uso lang ako sa New Year's resolution, matagal ko na talagang gusto magbago: Entry 5. Medyo wake-up call lang itong Bagong Taon.

Kahapon, may nagsabi sa akin na overrated raw ang New Year. Ano naman daw ang dapat ipagdiwang at lumipas na ang 365 na araw? Hindi naman daw ma-re-reset lahat ng mga masamang nagawa mo. Kaya senseless daw ang paggawa ng New Year's Resolution.

Pero siyempre baka nakatulong ang kakarampot na rice ng KFC kaya nasabi ito ng aming Captain sa CMC Wildcats na self-proclaimed hari ng Broadcasting Department. Nakatulong rin siguro ang fatigue kasi kaka-practice lang namin. Pero dahil solb na solb ako sa pagtungga ng libreng gravy, malinaw ang aking pag-iisip.

Bahala ka kung gusto mo mag-resolution. Bahala ka na rin kung kailan. Pwedeng Valentine's. Pwedeng Birthday's. Mas maganda, mag-resolution ka na lang tuwing may special occasion para lagi mong naaalala yung gusto mong baguhin sa sarili mo. Para mas may consistency. So kung may kasintahan ka tapos may monthsary kayo, meron kang monthly reminder. (Yuck, monthsary. Sino ba kasing mga hunghang ang nag-imbento nito? Pwede namang lunaversary for more fun and happiness.)

CONVERSATIONS with KONSENSIYA

Sinabi mo lang naman sa kanya na masaya ang pakiramdam ng isang taong malaki ang baon araw-araw. Pero hindi ibig sabihin na bibigyan ka na niya agad ng dagdag na baon. Magpaalam ka muna na nanghihingi ka nga. Magsabi ka lang. Bahala ka na kung paano. Basta hindi ka rin naman basta-basta pagbibigyan, paghuhugasin ka muna ng pinggan, pag-iigibin at paglalampasuhin ng sahig.

Kaya huwag kang panatag.

SABON

(updated 1:41pm)

Kuwento ito ng Math teacher ko kanina habang nag-di-discuss ng exchange rates. Noong unang panahon raw, mga 1960s... noong humaling na humaling ang mundo sa Beatles... at noong di pa lumuluhod ang piso sa dolyar... mapapapayag mo raw na sumama sa iyo ang isang prostitute sa Bangkok��hindi lang ng isang oras kundi ng buong gabi!��at ang kapalit lamang ay...

...dalawang pirasong American soap.

Sa tanang buhay ko bilang aplikante ng CMC Wildcats Basketball Team, yung laro ko na siguro kanina ang pinakamaganda.

(1) Wala akong kahit anong injury na nakuha. (i.e. tapilok at pulikat)
(2) Hindi ako madaling napagod.
(3) Masipag at maliksi ang perimeter defense ko.
(4) Mabilis na agad akong tumatakbo pag na-rebound na namin. Fastbreak!
(5) Nasasalo ko pa ang bola kapag fastbreak, for a change.
(6) Pumapasok ang mga lay-up ko.
(7) At sobrang maasahan ko na yung bago kong jumpshot. Andami kong naipasok.

Kulang kasi kami kanina kaya nakipaglaro na rin kami sa mga strangers. Dun na ako kumampi sa mga strangers para lagi akong napapasahan. Siyempre, nagkakahiyaan muna kaya nag-buwakaw na ako. Pero nakaka-anim na sunod-sunod na tira na ako, puro sablay. Bawi muna. Puro pasa lang ginawa ko. Tapos nung nagpakabait na ako, pumapasok na yung mga tira ko... hehe.� Nanalo kami ng mga strangers. At sa akin galing yung huling anim na puntos. For more fun and happiness.

Third week raw ng January ang Inter-college Intramurals. Handa na ako, physically and mentally. Simple lang naman ang mindset: kunyari nanonood...

[One full minute to go before airtime...]

You literally spanked me��one playful spank. You still smile as carefree as anyone can be. Inside my head ran the feeling of icebergs shattering, of screws falling, and of cobwebs clearing... of a re-opening of eyes. You told me you'd still be the same. You were as true to your word as a 24-hour ATM bank teller. Nothing changed.

[30 seconds to air...]

Me, I wasn't. I'm ducking for cover. I've transformed into a chicken, then into a stiff. My hands are shaking. I want to run away. I'm scared. I'm frightened. My friends tell me I look like someone who has seen a dementor whenever you're near. But I have no right to be acting like this. It should be the other way around, for heaven's sake.

[15 seconds to air...]

I have gotten so used to running away and blaming it on the disapperance of my balls. But I am causing self-injury; I am cutting my basketball jersey into pieces before I can even play in the game. I am defeating myself. After everything, this?

[10 seconds to air...]

Enough said. No more whining after this. This self-injury will stop right now.

[Five, four, three, two, one... and you're on-air...]

And it has stopped. Willpower. It's as easy as that.

(1) Nakita niyo na ba yung bagong tabloid na Tsunami ang pangalan?

(2) Alam niyo bang nagbigay ang sikat na racer na si Michael Schumacher ng $10 million dollars para sa mga nasalanta ng tsunami sa South Asia, at mula noon ay naging sunod-sunod na ang dagsa ng mga celebrity na nag-donate?

(3) Naaalala niyo ba noong matapos pumutok yung Oakwood mutiny, nagsilabasan bigla ang mga bold stars na ang mga pangalan ay Kudet Honasan etc.?

(4) Naaalala niyo ba noong nauso yung F4, maraming nagpahaba ng buhok?

(5) Nakakita na ba kayo nung chichiryang Mulawin? Yung parang pompoms na piso ang isa? Pero parang ang binayaran mo lang ay yung wrapper tapos may libreng asin.

Malakas magpauso ang mass media.

...which brings us to the make-or-break questions...

Kung makuha kaya ako sa Flash Report ng GMA 7 pagkatapos ko maka-graduate, anong pangalan ang gagamitin ko? Ano ang mas magandang pakinggan?

Bambam Alegre o Abraham Alegre?

E Archangel Alegre? Kaso may Pia Arcangel na newscaster na e...

NATATAWA AKO...

Sasanayin ko na ang sarili ko na huwag sabihin ang natatawa ako o kaya naman ang tawa ako ng tawa habang nagkukuwento...

Shinitzki: "Natatawa ako sa kanya nung classmates kami sa Poli Sci class noon kasi tuwing nakikita ko kumakain."

Xui: "Anong nakakatawa run?

Shinitzki: "Ang kulit kaya nung palabas na yun. Tawa nga ako ng tawa e."

Shin Chan: "Tawa ka ng tawa?" <sarcastic tone>

Nakakasira lang sa daloy ng kuwento ang pariralang ito e. Hindi naman nakakatawa na dini-describe mo na natatawa ka nga. Tapos kadalasan wala naman talagang nakakatawa sa kinukuwento mo. Tapos kadalasan rin hindi ka naman talaga natatawa sa kinukuwento mo. Parang filler lang ito e. Kaya tanggalin na lang: to be more politically correct at tiyaka para hindi ka nababara ng kausap mo.

LAST SONG SYNDROME

SOUTHERN GIRL

Incubus / A Crow Left of the Murder

Is everything a baited hook?
And are there locks on all doors?
If you're looking for an open book,
look no further I am yours.

We'll behave like animals,
swing from tree to tree.
We could do anything that turns you up
and sets you free.

You're an exception to the rule.
You're a bona fide rarity.
You're all I ever wanted.
Southern girl, could you want me?

Just come outside and walk with me.
We'll try each other out to see if we fit.
And with our roots, become a tree
to shape what we make under rain.

We'll behave like animals,
swing from tree to tree.
We could do anything that turns you up
and sets you free.

You're an exception to the rule.
You're a bona fide rarity.
You're all I ever wanted.
Southern girl, could you want me?

Southern girl, could you want me?

Dahil nakatira ako sa North Caloocan, lahat ng lungsod sa NCR ay nasa baba namin. Wala lang. Naisip ko lang rin: yung "animals" pwedeng "chimpanzees" para naman ka-rhyme ng "trees." Kaso hindi na raw ata romantic yun. E ano naman? Sabi ng Biology professor ko last year, 98% raw ang ikinahalingtulad ng DNA strand natin sa mga chimps.

Pag nagpapa-picture kayo, hindi niyo ba naisip, kahit minsan, na tinititigan niyo sa lens ng camera ang iba't ibang uri ng tao sa hinaharap? At ang matalinghaga rito, hindi mo alam kung ano ang iniisip nila...

Tulad na lang ng mga ito...

 

Pa-tweetums pa naman ang projection ni Lindsay Lohan. Malay ba niya kung yung tumitingin sa picture ay isang manyakis na pinagnanasaan na pala siya. Hindi niya alam di ba? Pero nung ngumiti siya sa lens ng camera, parang nginitian na rin niya yung pervert.

Ito namang kay FPJ. Wala lang sa kanya itong picture na ito kasi sanay na sanay naman na siya. Pero sa bawat pose ng picture na ginawa niya simula nung pagkabata, tinititigan niya ang mga tao na ang tingin sa kanya ngayon ay isang yumao na.

Yung pangatlong picture, si Dirk Nowitzki. Wala lang, filler lang. I so love this guy.

More...

  

Malay ba nung batang naka-stripes na puwedeng tinititigan pala siya ng kanyang mga magiging anak��na wag naman sanang ngingisi ng katulad niyan... Malay ba nitong batang nag-po-pormal-pormalan na tinititigan siya ng kanyang sarili ten years from now... Malay ba nitong mga totoy na ito na ang tinititigan nila habang naglalaro ng tanghaling tapat e mga kabataang circa 2100, na pinandidirihan sila kasi sa isang yuck na playground naglalaro o kaya naman e inggit na inggit kasi wala ng yuck na playground nun.

Malay ko ba. Basta pag nagpapa-picture ka, damhin ang moment at yun ang ipakita. At subukan mo ring mag-imagine kung sinu-sino ang mga tinititigan mo sa hinaharap sa pamamagitan ng lens ng camera...

One last shot before I really go...

I have gradually realized that for the past three years, all I have been loving were memories. It's as if I've drugged myself to always remain in that certain place and time. I've kept everything in that fabric of time intact, and I have played that over and over again in my mind's eye for most of my days. I chose to stay there because it was warm over there. It was the best of my younger years.

But no one can stay in a certain place and time and hide there forever. Time is a freight train. Whether I like it or not, time will keep in touch with me. It has brought me out of that hiding place. Surprisingly when I looked at the two of us, as someone who's from the outside-looking-in, I could not recognize anything. Nothing. The peripheries have changed.

For the past three years, I was there for you. And you know it, you're not stupid. But you've just become an adept at taking me for granted. There was no another chance, when I really have done nothing wrong. You've really made me feel like I'm nothing but a worthless distraction. I'm not bitter. But I'm sorry; the brim is overflowing. We all have our melting points. It took me almost a thousand years to get over it.

"You were the one I loved...
...The one thing that I've tried to hold on to..."

Everything, every bit of this song is for you...

Yours,
Shinichi Shinitzki

Aking napagtanto
na kung gusto ko ngang mababad sa laro ngayong nalalapit na Intrams,
di lang kailangang malakas ang opensa.

Dapat hindi ako defensive liability.

Mabuti pa nga't pagpraktisan ang kapatid.

(Last month pa kinuha 'to.)

Nakakapagod talaga
ang perimeter defense. Masakit sa abs at sa legs. Nakakahingal pa. Kaya nakakatukso talaga ang magtamad-tamaran.
Imbis na ganito ang paa,
/\  -> || -> /\
mas madaling mag-ganitto
X -> || -> X
Pero mali ito. Mahirap manatili sa harap ng binabantayan mo pag ganun.

Sobrang mahirap ring magnakaw ng bola kasi kailangang biglang yumuko
tapos tatapik ka pa.
Nadadala naman ito sa
sipag, tiyaga at timing.
Pero hindi naman pag-steal sa bola ang primary goal ng perimeter defense.

Kailangan lang wag tantanan ang bantay para ma-pressure sa turnover.

"Raindrops keep falling on my head...
but that doesn't mean my eyes are going to be red..."

Kahit na patong-patong ang frustrations kanina, ito pa rin ang kinakanta ko habang naglalakad palabas ng UP. Imbis na magmukmok, ginaya ko na lang yung aura ni Peter Parker dun sa Spiderman II habang worry-free siyang naglalakad-lakad tapos may "Raindrops..." sa background music. Nakakagaan ng loob. Subukan niyo, maganda siyang pang-therapy.

Palpak ang Disc Jockeying production ko para sa BC 101: RADIO PRODUCTION class ko kanina. Yung format kasi ng production e isang 10-minute love advice program. Gusto ng prof ko, spontaneous ang takbo ng discussion. Akala mo madali lang magsalita sa harap ng mic? Potah. Kahit ginawa ko ng scripted yung outline ng usapan namin nung phone-in talent ko, di ako maka-concentrate sa actual na sasabihin. Hawak ko rin kasi yung controls ng background music. Tapos dapat 10 minutes, sakto. Panic mode talaga. Sobrang tumaas ang tingin ko sa mga professional DJs, grabe.

Mr. Alegre...

Pronunciation lapses.

Blasting yung boses mo.

Minsan di ka maintindihan.

May DEAD AIR pa.

Masyadong malakas yung background music mo.

Lousy advice.

Lousy production!

Nung uwian na tapos nakasabay ko yung prof ko sa banyo, sabi niya isa raw akong big disappointment. Hindi ako nainsulto. Ibig sabihin lang nito, mataas ang expectations niya sa akin. Terror prof ito e. Tapos may concern sa akin. Nakaka-motivate.

Bago pa man mag-klase, di na talaga ako maka-concentrate. Pero mali yun. Dapat professional. On-air kung on-air. Kaso di ko lang talaga kaya mag-concentrate.

"Raindrops keep falling on my head...
but that doesn't mean my eyes are going to be red..."

Matulog lang raw ako, sabi ng blockmate kong si Bebang��ang bagong member ng Bambam Alegre's Council. Mali rin naman daw ang sasabihin ko; buti nga't di natuloy...

(Milestone ito ngayon. Hindi kasi ako open-air mag-discuss ng love concepts dito sa blog ko... usually matalinghaga't patago. Well, nagkaroon kasi ako ng dakilang spiritual realization bago matulog... parang Nirvana... hehe.�)

Most people's sense of romantic love (count me in) is like a piece of alloyed gold jewelry. These people are proud of the knowledge that what they have for their objects of affection is precious. Precious, yes. But it is still alloyed with other metals. It is not pure gold.

An alloyed gold jewelry is resistant to wear and tear. Similarly, there is this kind of love that has a built-in defense mechanism and always anticipates wear and tear. It entertains thoughts of impatience, harshness, jealousy, conceit, pride, ill-manner, selfishness and irritability. It keeps a record of wrongs. It is oftentimes unhappy with the truth, because it hurts. It is the type that gives up easily. Its faith, hope, and patience is one that is bound to collapse at any given day.

All in all, this love is the exact opposite of this bible verse: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. And I have been loving like this. Too bad.

Pure gold is very soft. It does not possess any protection; it absorbs every scratch and can be flattened very finely. But in its purest form, it is very beautiful. Selfless love works in the same way. It knows it will encounter pain, but absorbs it nevertheless. It never takes anything in return. And it is always a sacrifice waiting to happen. Yet in spite of everything, the experience is still very beautiful. I have yet to feel the experience, because I have yet to love this way. But I will, starting now.

Forwarded e-mail lang ito. Japon ata gumawa nito e, sobrang effort kasi binuhos ko para lang ma-edit ang grammar nito. At ni-revise ko lang ng 40% para compatible sa Philippine setting. Anyway, mahaba-haba ito pero nice read naman. Pa-minsan-minsan lang ako makabasa ng forwarded e-mail na sobrang swak.

TREE

I love painting trees. I have dated FIVE girls when I was in Pre-U, and all of them have liked my drawings.

There's this girl who also likes my drawings, and I love her a lot. But I never dared to go after her. She is just a very ordinary girl. I like her innocence, her frankness, her cuteness. I love her intelligence and her fragility. But the reason I didn't go after her is because I felt that if she's destined for me, she will be mine ultimately and I don't have to give up everything just for her. She watched me chase after girls, and I have made her cry.

When I was kissing my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to talk about what caused her to cry but laughed at her the whole day. When everybody went home, she was alone crying in the classroom.

My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was one instance when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character, she's not the kind who would start a quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I just walked away with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed and joked with me like nothing happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heartache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break-up and she told me about her suitor. I know the guy: full of energy, lively and interesting. He has been going after her for quite a while. I just smiled and congratulated her. But the heartache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone hanging on my neck. When I arrived home, I wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down my eyes. What's this? I'm crying. How many times have I seen her cry for a man who often hurts her? The Wind has blown away the Leaf, for the Tree didn't even ask it to stay.

LEAF

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. I believe that for a leaf to leave a tree she has been relying on for very long, it takes a lot of courage. I was on very close terms with this certain guy. But when he had his first girlfriend, I felt jealous. The sourness in my heart can't be described by a lemon metaphor. It's like 100 rotten sour lemons. They broke up for two months. But after just a month, he got together with another girl. I like him and I know he likes me. But why won't he pursue me?

Since he love me why can't he make the first move? Whenever he has a new girlfriend, my heart hurts. I'm beginning to think this is a one-sided love. Liking a person is very heart-wrenching. I know his likes, his habits. But I couldn't figure out his feelings for me. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him. Accompany him. Love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come and love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me a text message. I like to believe that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. I waited for him because of this. But sometimes I wonder if I should continue doing so.

By the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year began to go after me. Everyday he pursuited me relentlessly��from outright rejection to a point where I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart.

He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a Leaf away from a Tree. In the end, I let myself be carried away by this Wind to somewhere better. Finally I left my Tree, but the Tree only smiled and didn't ask me to stay. The Wind has blown away the Leaf, for the Tree didn't even ask it to stay.

WIND

I like this certain girl. She's like a Leaf that is so dependent on her Tree. I have to be a Wind just so I could blow her away. When I first met her, it was a year after I transferred to this school. And I would always see her looking at this senior. When this senior talks with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When the senior looked at her, she would smile as though she'd die tomorrow. It was the Leaf's habit to look at him, just like it has been my habit to look at her.

One day, she didn't appear at her usual watching place. I instinctually went to their classroom, hid outside and saw the senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while the senior left. The next day, I found her watching him still. I took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted it. The next day, she appeared and passed me a note then left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away. Leaf never wants to leave her Tree. I know that the person she loves isn't me. But I have this faith that one day I will make her like me. Slowly, she started to talk to me and accept my presents & phone calls. 

I couldn't count how many times I declared my love for her. But all the same, she would change the topic every time I open it up. But I just wouldn't give up. I know my chances are slim, but I still have this small ray of hope that she will agree to be my girlfriend.

One day I called her but didn't hear any reply from her over the phone.
 

"What are you doing? How come you don't want to answer?"

"I'm nodding my head; I'm NODDING my head..."

I hanged up the phone, quickly changed clothes, took a taxi, rushed to her place, and pressed the door bell. She opened the door, and I hugged her tightly. The Wind has blown away the Leaf, for the Tree didn't even ask it to stay.

Sobrang lamig talaga tuwing gigising ako ng umaga. Tapos sobra ring mag-lagas ang mga akasya sa Academic Oval ng UP. Winter-winteran lang siguro, pero sobra talagang bumabagal ang mga everyday activities ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. Para akong unti-unting kinokondisyon para mag-hibernate.

Ang bagal ko nang kumain uli. Ang bagal kong makatulog. Ang bagal kong maglakad papuntang Maskom galing Palma Hall��and vice versa. Ang bagal kong makaisip ng susunod na blog entry. Ang bagal kong makatapos ng mga informal essays ko. Ang bagal kong gumawa ng mga iba pang requirements.

Sobrang bagal talaga. Sisisihin ko na lang ang winter-winteran.

At paano ka ba makaka-focus kung sobra kang absent-minded? Potah.

(Informal essay ko para sa Malikhaing Pagsulat. Sasubmit ko mamya.�)

Alas-onse na ng gabi kaya wala ng masyadong sasakyan sa kalsada. Malayang-malaya ang jeep na sinasakyan ko papauwi; wala na itong kahit anong kapakundangan sa pagharurot habang binabagtas ang kahabaan ng Regalado. Dati rati'y natatakot akong umuwi ng ganitong oras dahil sa pangambang ma-holdap. Pero nasanay na rin ako. Pinapanatag ko na lang ang sarili ko sa paniwalang sa sobrang bilis ng jeep, gudlak na lang kung may makapag-holdap pa sa amin.

Sa bilis ng takbo namin, malikmata na lang ang mga tanawin sa labas ng bintana ng jeep. Ang mga talahib, mga gasolinahan, at iba't ibang uri pang mga establesimyento��tila nakabalot itong lahat sa isang komplikadong lambat-lambat ng sapot na isang dekadang naipon at hindi nalinis. Sa loob ng labinlimang minutong biyahe, pulos na lang ito ang nakatambad sa aking paningin. Sabayan pa ng dagsa ng malamig na hanging amihan na nagbibida-bidahan ngayong Enero, at para akong hinihele sa aking pagtulog.

Ngunit hindi ako tuluyang nakaidlip. Masyadong papansin ang kalahating buwan na nakabalandra sa kalangitan. Kahit anong tulin ng jeep, pirmi lang itong nakahimpil sa kinalalagyan niya.

Ilang araw na lang pala at muli na namang magiging bilog ang buwan. Ang bilis talaga lumipas ng panahon.  Parang kailan lang nang huli kong nakita ang kabuuan nito. Kakatapos pa lang ng Pasko noon. Kakatapos ko pa lang umamin sa kanya na nahulog na ako. Yun ang unang pagkakataon na tinitigan ko ang bilog na buwan nang hindi nakaisip ng mga taong-lobo. Pakiwari ko'y isang salamin ang buwan kaya't ang tanging nakikita ko ay isang namumulang pisngi.

Pumapalakpak ang mga tenga ko noong mga panahong iyon. Sobrang galak. Minsan lang dumarating ang pagkakataong masabi mo sa taong minamahal mo na, yun nga, mahal mo siya. Kasimbihira ito ng isang baklang elepante, o di kaya ng tsunami sa mga disyerto ng Saudi. Minsan lang dumarating ang minsan. At nagawa kong makuha ang minsan na iyon. Sa mismong pagdating nito, binabad ko ang sarili ko sa sandaling iyon. Ayoko ng iwanan.

Ngunit hindi habambuhay na bilog ang buwan. At lalong hindi rin nagwawakas ang siklo ng buwan dahil narating na ang kabuuan nito. Kung ipipilit mo sa sarili mo na manatili sa isang yugto, lolokohin mo lang ang sarili mo dahil iiwanan ka ng normal na takbo ng oras. Matapos magliwanag ng bilog na buwan, ito'y mawawala dahil dadaan sa anyong bagong buwan. Kung gusto mo itong makita uli, dapat pagdaanan mo muna ang iba't ibang yugto bago ito.

Matapos kong masabi na itinatangi ko siya, wala na. Tila nakuntento na lang ako sa pagtamasa ng tagumpay na nasabi ko nga sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko: isang malaking ilusyon pagkat ang gusto ko lang palaging nakikita ay ang bilog na buwan.

Pirmi pa ring nakahimpil sa kanyang kinalalagyan sa kalangitan ang kalahating buwan kahit nasa tricycle na ako. At pinipigilan pa rin ako nito na makaidlip. Isang makulit na paunawa na may ilang araw pa bago lumipas ang saktong isang buwan. Hindi pa ganun katagal. Hindi pa huli ang lahat.

CMC versus NCPAG.

Unang laro ng Intrams kanina, talo.

Dakdakan ka pa ng 6'5". Sige lang.

Pagbigyan. 5'8" ka lang tsong.

Tambakan ka pa ng 16. Parang may mali na run e.

Tawagan ka pa ng tatlong travelling.

Kalimutan raw ba kasi ang pivot foot.

Wag na kasi mag-pump fake.

Wag na muna mag-drive.

Tres kung tres. Kayang-kaya naman.

Nakadale naman kanina ng isa.

Ang sarap nga pakinggan.

Swoosh! Batya ang buslo.

Dalawang subok, nagawa ang isa.

.500 ang percentage. Consolation prize.

Pero ang unang tira, sobrang pangit.

Kabado kasi.

Masyado kang kabado. Masyado kang kabado.

Lagi ka na lang kabado. Kabado.

I-baon na ito sa limot.

Nagkita naman kayo diba.

Masyado kang kabado. Kabado.

Kabado ka na naman. Magsawa ka kaya.

Teka!

Hindi na masyado.

(",)

Last night, I think I'm just dreaming.

Darkness has filled the sky. More so, darkness has filled the lobby. I wouldn't want to leave you all alone there. Especially when I would hear you cough occasionally. You just have no idea how I wish to absorb that cold virus, how I want to hug you everytime you would cough like a little child.

Darkness has filled the sky as we stepped out of the building. But up there, my old friend has come full circle again and is shining ever so brightly. Yet though it tints the surroundings with a certain brightness, all the people were nowhere to be found. Where have they gone? Instant teleportation, perhaps.

If this were their set-up, I'd like to kiss them all one by one. If by chance it was just pure coincidence, I'd like to kiss God Himself. So it seems, it was the latter.

Hands down, this is just faith. I've always wanted to have a long walk with you on a pitch-black night lighted by lamp posts. It came when I least expected it. It's a grand conspiracy between time and space. This was never planned at all. No scripts, no blueprints.

It was one good kilometer of rantings. I wouldn't want you to stop. I haven't heard from you like this in about two weeks. My worries were fizzling. I was just imagining things when I once thought you were shying away. I should've known: you're just busy, you multi-tasking freak of nature...� The ponkan I gave is no one-hit wonder for such a workhorse like you. Take more of that, please. You need it.

If only the guitar I was clutching in my hand were not so crucial, I would've brought you to the jeep's threshold. Then again, that may be asking too much already.

Natapos na rin ang Destino kahapon.

Ito yung pre-Valentine event ng sinasalihan kong UP Broadcasters' Guild sa Sunken Garden from 8-12 pm. Mini acoustic concert siya at open-air screening ng City of Angels.
Tagumpay naman ang event, marami ang dumating. Pero parang wala lang, parang wala lang talaga.

Life...

Anyway, nang matapos na ang lahat ng ligpitan at nag-aantay na lang ng mga taxi at mga sundo ang mga tao, pumila itong mga kaibigan ko kay Rommel, ang palm reader na in-invite namin para sa aming fortune telling booth.

Akala ko charing lang. Pero nang binasa ni Rommel yung palad ng kaibigan ko, unang hirit pa lang sapul agad. [May crush ka sa isang kaibigan, pero hindi mo maamin kasi natatakot kang hindi positive ang response.] Kumbaga sa darts, yung 90 ang unang tinamaan. Nasabi naman na ng kaibigan ko, yun nga lang parang hindi niya mapanindigan kasi baka hindi nga positive ang response.

[Nakikita ko, sa isang TV station ka magtatrabaho. Wala pang kahit anong nakasulat tungkol sa family life mo kasi naka-focus sa career.] Hindi naman ganun ka-workaholic yung kaibigan ko pero pag may tinuunan yun ng pansin, tutok talaga. Kaya hindi raw malayong mangyari ito.

[Pangkaraniwan lang ang taon mo. Parang boring. Pero ngayong March, may matatanggap ka na sobrang magpapasaya sa iyo. Hindi ko lang alam kung materyal na bagay pero mapapasaya ka nito.] Ibig sabihin lang nito, kung ano man daw iyon, it will shape up this February.

[Yung tao na karapat-dapat sa iyo ay may kinalaman sa apoy.] Baka maging arsonista yung kaibigan ko mahanap lang yung taong iyon. Paanong apoy? Sa Marso, dahil fire-prevention month? Sa isang forest fire, tapos mala-Titanic ang plot? O baka mahilig sa kulay pula? Sana nga raw.

[Wala kang lovelife ngayong school year na ito. Sa susunod pang school year ito darating.] Itong June na ang susunod na school year. So, good luck. And let's see...

[May isang taong hindi natutuwa sa mga pinaggagawa mo...] Feeling rin ng kaibigan ko, meron nga. Masyado kasing superficial ang kinikilos nito pag kaharap itong tao na ito. Nakakainis nga naman.

But destiny is what we make of it. Fortune telling only gives people reason to hope or reason to be warned. It is not written in stone. It is still up to you. But well, it is written in your palm. So the decisions you will make are the ones you will tend to make because it is your tendencies.

P.S: Si Sensui may Kasuya, si Jekyll may Hyde, meron rin ako nun minsan...