A (Not So Brief) Introduction to Detective Monica

Hopefully less boring intro stuff, which is kinda important to know so you can attempt to understand this whole series.  So please venture to read it even if you skipped the disclaimers in "The Garbage Report," 'kay?  Some parts are almost certainly boring, but I've indicated where you can skip if so inclined.  Thanks!:  These particular  Highlander stories of mine -- the Det. Monica series, that is -- are, well, weird.  Very different from my others, which tend to be uh, somewhat more . . . serious?  Angsty?  Bloody?  NC-17?  Whatever.  These were born one night when I was reading one of the stranger HL message boards on AOL.  Good strange, I add hastily.  Fun, in other words.  People were having a ball reporting on what might be found in the garbage of different characters on the show; and I was giggling along happily, reading all these wacky posts.

But then I made the mistake of replying to those posts as if  I were really living in that AU, out there where  Highlander exists.  This because  I was writing the replies, and they were therefore under  my screen name, so of course, I wasn't gonna be signing 'em as someone else.  Besides, being on AOL, it probably woulda been a Terms of Service violation if I didn't.  ::snerk:: (You'll see why I take pains to point this out, in the  really boring segment below.  It's skippable, don't worry.)  People liked the first post, and flatteringly, asked me what the heck happened next?  Big mistake; I answered.  ;))  I didn't  mean to write a story, honest!

Next thing I knew, Detective Monica was out detecting, and cheerfully ignoring most of what was happening on the show.  It's a rather wacky alternate, but people do seem to enjoy the stories, thankfully.  Especially those readers from the message board who ended up in them!  Well, I couldn't help it . . . I mean, Det. Monica isn't  me, but she's related.  Kinda.  I couldn't leave her all alone in an alternate universe, now could I?  She had to have some of my dear friends around, since they were the ones who started all this in the first place . . .  And thank you very much for the inspiration, guys! Not to mention asking, 'What next?'


Boring stuff you can skip if you're intelligent enough to think an Original Female Character Doesn't Have To Be A Mary Sue <g>:  BTW, to clear up certain suspicions as explained at length below, I claim no real resemblance whatsoever to Det. Monica.  Except that we're both short, dark-haired and live in the Pacific NW.  As I said above, I posted the original and subsequent messages under my screen name, which uses my real first name.  I did the first post off-the-cuff;  online, yet.  I didn't waste time coming up with a name for what wasn't even a character then!  I had no idea I was starting a fanfic, and would be making more posts -- until people asked that dreaded question.  <g>  (startled the heck outta me, you betcha)

But if, because of those facts, these are then considered 'Mary Sue' stories -- Well, sure, I have fantasies about Duncan MacLeod.  I also have fantasies about lots of other characters.  Some are mine; some belong to other people.  How the heck  do you write stories, anyway, if you don't fantasize???  I'd really like to know the answer to that one!  As George Lucas says, more or less, in his interview with Bill Moyer -- any writer is writing about his/her self; your characters are all made up of parts of you.  I can manage to realize that things I imagine and write about are not going to happen to me in Real Life.  I'm very relieved that lots of them will never happen; I'd be toast.  And I confess, I get rather pipped about any Original Female Character (OFC) in fanfic being described as a 'Mary Sue,' whether she and an established character fall in love or not.  It's bloody annoying, either way.  If that's so, then  any book wherein a happy romance occurs, among other events, is also a 'Mary Sue.'  So is any action-spy thriller where the hero kills all the bad guys and Gets the Girl, even if only temporarily for horizontal dancing purposes.  And if you dunno what the heck a 'Mary Sue' is . . . well:  Succinctly, it's a purely wish-fulfillment fantasy, badly written, by -- presumably -- a woman.  (If you do know 'em, skip the next 3 paragraphs before resuming.)  {{Librarian's note: You can find another description of Mary Sues in the Library itself, by following this link.}}

They're supposed to have started in  Star Trek fanfic, way back during the original series, according to Marshak and Lichtenberg.  (If you're not an ST fan, never mind who they are -- if you are, you probably know their books.)  Apparently, a lot of the fic with OFC's in them -- supposedly only written by women, but I wonder -- consisted of the following: A Woman not on the series appears.  (Said to always be a thinly-disguised, perfect version of what the author would like to be.  How the heck does anyone know??  Have they done surveys?  Run 'em through psychiatric testing?  Or are they just judging 'em by bad plotting, writing, and spelling?  Don't suppose the author could simply be a bad writer trying to write, huh?  Is that a sin?  Not if you read some supposed best-sellers.  I mean, how else do you get better except by practice . . .  Just to see how silly the OFC=Mary Sue premise is if you try to relate it to  all fanfic, go read M&L's published Bantam Book,  Price of the Phoenix.  Then tell me you can't find  any vaguely slashy/het 'Mary Sue'-style of stuff going on between Kirk and Spock; or Duplicate Kirk and the Romulan Commander; or Original Kirk and Omne . . .  Oh, I  liked the above-mentioned book, btw.  I'm not trying to give the impression that M&L's ST books are bad; I still cherish my original paperback copies of 'em all.  And I don't consider  them Mary Sue's, either.  If nothing else, Omne's the only original character mentioned above.  <g>  Everyone else is canon.)

So, to get back on track here.  Ok, this Woman appears.  She is blindingly gorgeous.  Everyone loves her.  She Has No Faults.  She Knows All.  She can do  anything.  Perfectly.  And out-do every man/woman/alien on the ship, too, or off of it.  Someone -- Kirk/Spock/McCoy, etc. -- falls in love with her.  She falls in love with them.  Then she single-handedly pulls the  Enterprise out of whatever danger it's in, marries/bonds with whoever it is that's madly, undyingly in love with her, and they live happily ever after, with ne'er an argument.  Perfectly.  The consensus seems to be that these stories, then or now, ST or other fandoms, are all pretty schlockily written (even the ones that have plots).  And they're -- gasp! -- basically vehicles for getting the heroine/author/reader in bed with the Star.  Thus has the tradition come down, yea, verily, even unto this day.

Oh, well geeze, this is only in  fanfic, of course.  Never happens in romance novels.  Or any other type of novel.  Or on TV, with the One-Episode Disposable Girlfriend.  Or Disposable Boyfriend.  Or Ugly Duckling turned Perfect 10, male or female.  No fiction is ever written so the reader/viewer can put themselves in the place of a character, huh?  Hah!  Well.  You get the idea.  If you're still with me -- if it's a good story, who the hell cares?  Just don't read the damned thing if it bothers you that much.  And that, as you'll no doubt relievedly agree, is  that.  No more rants.  Thank you kindly for your patience. <g>


Now, back to really necessary info about this series:  This  is No. 1 in the series.  It's advisable to read them in order, from Adventure No. 1 through whatever.  (Otherwise, you'll no doubt get utterly confuzzled.  Ghu only knows how many of these I'll end up writing.  I'm working on No. 4, among umpteen other stories.  Nos. 2 and 3 are also posted on this web page.) It still retains the format of 'reports' sent in by Det. Monica.  That was the most understandable way I had of posting them to the board . . . and this story bit back when I tried to change it much.  However, all those report titles and sig lines do not appear in the rest of the stories, you'll be glad to know.  (If you make it to the rest after wading through this, that is.  Have I said yet that I'm very grateful to you putative readers for putting up with all this?  Well, I am.)

Some characters are partially based upon personas used by several online friends, who graciously allowed me to run them through some  extremely odd maneuvers, not to mention risk of life, limb and looking gosh-darned funny.  I'd like to thank them for letting me do so, and for not suing me.  <g>  Also, one post made to the board by Nimshubur is used in its entirety, with his permission; for which I'm very grateful, as it generated some excellent funny bits.  And the comments made about the post wouldn't have made much sense otherwise.  Thank you, Nim!  (And I hope Innanna is letting you rest and have some good beer in between driving her chariot with those danged swans.  I hear they're vicious.)


Meanwhile, to explain a few 'in' jokes from the board this first appeared on:  The redhead with Groucho glasses is Zklee95, aka Zelda Kordelia Lee, as she's known in more places than just AOL.  She is a redhead, and does lurk in chats disguised with Groucho glasses in case Adrian Paul is also lurking; especially during more embarrassing chat moments.  And she does like sweaty katas.  Draxen is known for wearing fuzzy slippers, his green HL robe, and being in charge of the Super Deluxe Welcome Wagon for the board.  Plus possessing a wicked sense of humor along with the HL katana, and creating hilarious Top 10 lists dealing with all things Highlander.  Rosebud is my very own sis and writing buddy, aka "Eve" at the Gathering 3 convention.  She's also Grace, and a few other people online -- who happens to be the owner/creator of this particular web page.  A little schizoid with all the screen names, but hey . . . the gold catsuit with the roses is really what she wore at G3 one day, and boy was it noticed!  She even got a double-take from Adrian Paul.  ;)  (And thanks very much for putting up my ramblings on your page, Sis dear -- I only hope any brickbats are sent to me, not you!  {{{Grace}}})

Now, on to the first story!
Read "The Garbage Report" already?
Move on to story #2, "Travel is So Broadening!"
or else to story #3, "Number One with a Bullet."

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