dilemma2

      The night went on as I got more and more drunk. By about 2 am, I started feeling ill, so I went out to the back deck to get some fresh air. Two of my 'underclassmen' were sitting next to me. The three of us sat there awkwardly for a minute or two till one of the girls broke the silence.
      "Do you remeber me?"
       I kind of recognized her, but was unsure what class we had together or where I had known her from. "Um, not.....really..." I said as I puffed away on my cigarette.
       She gave me a half fake smile and said, "I was in your science class in grade ten, I tutored you for a while".
      "Oh, yeah....hi" I said in a snobbish sort of way.
       She then changed from half smiling to an angry look and said, "You know what? I think you are a rude and conceited little bitch, if you ever come in my neigboorhood alone, I will kick the living shit out of you". She got up and started to walk away.
       "suck it up!!" I yelled to her as she walked through the back door into the crowds of people. I sat there for a moment thinking to myeself 'well at least I have good grades now on my own'. I became slightly frustrated over that girl's boldness so I decided to go for a walk out back behind the cabin. I headed down the wooden steps and swung down by the banister on to the grass that leaded into the woods. I headed for the woods and soon got into the darkness of all the tall trees clumped up together and stretching for miles. As I walked in my drunken stupor, I was stumbling over mounds and gaps in the ground, stumps, branches and sticks. I also got the creepiest feeling. I shrugged it thinking it just what the woods at night does to wandering people. I walked on, enjoying the fresh air and occasionally tripping, partly because of all the alcohol in my system. suddenly, I stumbled into Matt. "Oh, thank God, it's you, I thaught I had an animal or somthing following me". I paused for a moment, looked around and said "what are you doing out here? why aren't you at the party?".
      "I could ask you the same thing.... but, seeing we're both out here, whadda yah say we have a little fun?" Matt spoke with that tone in his voice that he got when ever he was drinking, not a slur, but almost a devious and mischeveous kind of talk.
       I stared into Matt's eyes and got scared, I knew he was drunk, but he seemed so different, so.... distant. "Matt. No. We're drunk. And I don't want to do something I'll come to regret, okay?"
       Matt's eyes became bigger and further away. He grabbed my arm and started undiong the belt buckle on his jeans. He threw me to the ground while I struggled the best I could, considering my state of intoxication. He pinned both my arms down above my head with one of his hands, while lifted my skirt up with the other. He ripped of my underware, tearing them off my body with a hard yank. I screamed, but no-one could hear me because of the booming music and mass of chattering people in the distance. I was so scared. After he pretty much raped me, well, he did rape me (I'll save you the details), he threw the torn underware at me and said, "Get dressed, make yourself pretty again, and come back to the party..... If you tell ANYONE about this..." He gave me that dominant and over bearing look that my father always gave me when I had done something wrong, and walked away.
       I just sat up as he walked away in his satisfied but wably stupor, and I cried. I cried till there were no more tears left inside of me. Rachelle had just warned me about it earlier that day and I ignored it and actually made excuses for the guy. I got up and fixed myelf a bit, coming out the leaves and such with my fingers, then headed back towards the party.
       I looked around the cabin till I found Rachelle and Cory sitting on the love seat and laughing with a group of people. Rachelle looked at me in shock.
       "What happened to you? You look like you've seena ghost!" she exclaimed.
       I looked at Rchelle with a single tear in my eye, welling up, as I was trying to hold it back, I asked her if she could drive me home and she obliged. In the car, she asked me again what happened.
      "I just got into a fight with Matt, that's all, I think we're splitting up, in fact, I know we're splitting up!" I lied through my teeth to my best friend, but I felt I had to, I didn't know what Matt was capable of.

      I woke up feeling absolutly gross with myself, as if it were my fault that it happened. I had to take a shower and get all the dirt out of my hair. I couldn't believe how disgusting I felt. It was my second day as a senior and I felt sick all over. I got ready as normal, only I didn't feel normal. I must have looked like crap.
      The school was rushing with people, as usual. I met up with Rachelle (I told her I'd drive myself that day) in the smoking compound. We were all sitting on the grass, Rachelle and Cory were talking and I just sat and listened, which was unusual for me.