February 28th 2005 | Monday | 07:33pm

"TATANDA DIN SILA.."

    I went to STC after my 3-subject class [walang Eco] to distribute some survey forms for my thesis. My head aches right now, probably because the weather is so hot, I got so tired  and I stayed for a long time under the heat of the sun.

    Napasagot ko naman yung mga tanong kahit medyo nakakapagod at natagalan [kumpara sa pagpapasagot ko with college students na instant results agad]. Ang hirap palang manghagilap ng mga high school students dahil... err.. I hate to conclude or judge but it seems that they don't know how to put these kind of stuffs seriously yet. A while ago, in my mind, I was trying to question myself: can't they put this answering thing  a bit critical? Yung iba kasi, binasta na lang. Hehe. But soon I envisioned the scenario. They're still the new offspring  of the terrain - at darating ang panahong tatanda din sila. Nag-kwentuhan at nag-kamustahan nga kami kanina eh. They were all talking about the "on-on relationships" and other high school blues. Na-feel ko talagang di na ako maka-relate. I was trying to share with them the college life that I'm happily experiencing today, but as expected, they were not able to fully relate with my stories.  I just told them that the right time will come that they will understand everything and get over all the things they believe is soo right today. Pinagdaanan ko din yun.

    Meanwhile, I was chit-chatting again with Ate Roxy. Hehe. I felt the connection between us through the exchange of funny lines. Pareho pala kaming kalog at corny. And even though she's older, I felt that somehow she's enjoying my way of converse. At first, akala ko mahirap siyang kausap kasi siyempre, "star player", older and an in demand person. I just felt better when I talked with her after my visit in STC. Maybe it is in my personality talaga that I prefer to speak with older people. Most of my close friends has an older than my age. Feeling ko kasi, mas naiintindihan nila ko at kapag seryoso na ang usapan, mas mature silang ka-trabaho.

    The maturity level of one person varies. It depends on the place he lives in and the people whom he interacts with. Sometimes, the mature ones are perceived as boring people because some say that they simply don't know how to put things lightly. But come to think of this: hindi lang maintindihan ng mga immature ones ang sitwasyon ng mga mature people dahil nga sa "immature pa sila". Minsan mahirap ngang magka-intindihan. But for me, I think the mature people should be the ones to adjust - dahil yun ang tunay na katas ng pagka-mature. Ang umintindi.

x`cez: I think I'm going to catch some colds. I feel so bloated too. Err. I don't feel so good... really.

Sabi nga ni Spiderman, with great freedom comes great responsibility. Ang sabi ko naman, the price of maturity comes with big patience and understanding.

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February 27th 2005 | Sunday | 06:15pm

"ANG TAMANG PANAHON"

    I was trying to count the days left for schooling and damn, ang tagal-tagal pa rin! Damang-dama ko na ang init ng araw na umaayang magtampisaw sa tubig ang isang uhaw na tulad ko. Gusto ko na talagang magbakasyon! Kating-kati na ang mga paa kong mamasyal sa kung saang-saang beach hot spot. I'm dreaming of the water waves and smelling the mangoes already. Perfect time to perfect my driving too. Malapit na kasi akong mag-18! Hot wheels are hot trend this summer! Yeah! It just feels so good knowing that it's summer time. Napanood ko nga sa tv yung Boracay wedding ni G. Tongi eh, astig. Alipin talaga ko ng dalampasigan. I consider it as my ideal place.

    I went to the church a while ago. Natawa lang ako sa sermon ng pari about "Lovers in PARISH" Haha. Oo nga naman, bakit nga ba ginagawang meeting place ng mag-irog ang simbahan?! Nakakaasiwa tuloy minsan magsimba. Luluhod ka't taimtim na magdarasal tapos makakakita ka ng mag-jowa na nag-lalambingan. Eww, ang sagwang tignan. It's not just the proper time to smooch around when you're trying to have some time with God.

    Kumain ako afterwards sa Greenwich. I ate alone pero kahit papano, na-enjoy ko ang pagkain kasi talagang gutom ako! Nagulat na lang ako when a lady sat in front of me, tapos sumunod ang ibang mga babae. Di man lang nag-excuse me or nagtanong if there's someone seated on the empty seats. Wala lang. I thought of it as a bit of disrespectful attitude. Kasi kung ako yun, nagtatanong ako at di ako basta-basta na lang uupo. You need to act at a certain place with a proper attitude because you know, you're dealing with other people.

In life, most of the misconceptions occur because there's a conflict between time and place. Everything goes at its proper moment. There's a proper time, a proper place.  We must know how to deal with it. If not, that's where the ambiguous bits and pieces enter.

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February 26th 2005 | Saturday | 09:20pm

" WHAT'S VAGUE AND WHAT'S CLEAR"

    Life is full of twists. Daig pa ang telenovela na talaga namang you'll never know what's the next scene until you're in it. I have strange feelings today. These things just popped into my mind while I'm working and dealing with my day by day matters.

Water gets lukewarm when it's long exposed

    I was talking with Franz [my undergrad friend] on the phone a while ago. Kinamusta niya si Mulawin [code name lang hehe], a close friend of mine. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. I admitted to Franz that I'm just so bored with Mulawin's tactics every single day. Palibahasa, may napatunayan na siya sa pagkakaibigan namin. Dati rati kasi, I used to beg for attention and concern from Mulawin. Right now, everything goes the way I expect to be - puro "oo" palagi. Para bang nawawala na yung excitement because somehow, we attained the peak of it. Minsan nga eh, wala na kong masabi kapag nag-uusap kami. Tipong na-oover exposed na ba. Suddenly, I jumped into a conclusion that I don't want to go farther anymore because you know, I believe it will just be so useless in time. Spoiled broth na, panis na ang ganung eksena para sa akin. Err. The feeling is just so hard to explain.

Malabo pa rin.

You're assertive to restate things you had spoken

    I conversed with my high school adviser kanina. Close kami nun at siya talaga yung isa sa mga nadadamayan ko. Kumustahan kanina about "the past". Tapos grabe, na-kwento ko nang buong-buo yung tungkol kay Angel [code name ulet haha] - bagay na dati ayaw kong aminin sa kanya. Wala kasi akong lakas ng loob noon eh, kasi baka may masabi siya o baka di ko matanggap yung reaskyon niya. I remembered back in high school, I keep on denying the fact that I'm so crazy over that person. Tinatawanan ko na lang yun ngayon. Siguro kelangan lang talaga ng panahon para mapagtanto mo ang mga bagay-bagay. Tatanda ka rin. At sa pagtanda mo, kakatok sa iyo ang lumang kahapon na magbubukas ng maraming kapupulutang aral. Sa muling pag-ungkat ko sa nakalipas, naugat ko ang kasalukuyang sadyang kumakaripas. Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. When it's over, it's really over.

Malinaw na rin.

[Take some time to read this]

Look straight ahead. Have a direction and you'll never get lost.

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February 22nd 2005 | Tuesday | 08:41pm

"THE REASON"

    The past few days of my life had been literally typical - it was kind of boring actually. School stuffs are still within the scene and I just do the usual things! Natutuwa na lang ako sa pagiging komedyante ko sa 1JRN1. Ang saya kanina, I had bonding moments with a few 1jrn1 girls. We ate at Colayco Park and we talked on so many things, laughed hard & enjoyed Sir Galan's free period. Hehe. Hay naku. Araw-araw na lang pare-pareho nangyayari sa akin - pumasok sa USTe, makinig sa guro, umuwi nang maaga at sa gabi, gumawa ng home works. Kung may panahon pa, manonood ng documentary shows. By the way, I love the Correspondents episode last night!

    I was so moved by the news feature on AIDS/HIV victims (in Kenya) reported by Karen Davila. There were these Filipinos in Kenya who exchanged the price of fame and money for unconditional service. I saw and felt how difficult life is in a place like that and for the Filipinos to stay there, they're really dedicated. I mean, they can go to US (most of them are doctors & teachers) where they could sustain a better life but then, they chose to help the people who they believe, needs them so much. Sabi nung isang Pilipinong doktor, "Hindi lang sa mga materyal na karangyaan at kayamanan makukuha ang tunay na kaligayahan. Bagkus, makukuha mo ito sa taos-pusong paglilingkod sa kapwa."

    I just thought of myself years from now. Bilang isang mamamahayag, maraming sakripisyong kailangang ilaan para masabi mo sa sarili mong "journalist is my REAL profession". I believe that being a journalist is beyond a career but rather, it's more of a privilege. A privilege to touch the lives of people. For me, I didn't engage into this field because I solely need money. I'm after the experience. I know that within the exercise, I would mingle with all sorts of people and hopefully, I could touch them in a different way. Mas nakukuntento ako sa buhay ko kapag alam kong may na-accomplish akong mahahalagang bagay. =)

    At siguro kapag nangyari na yun, di na ganoong magiging tipikal ang takbo ng buhay ko.

There's a reason for everything. A reason to live, a reason to be free. Take some time to know your own reasons, for it is in the reason that you see that you're so worthy.

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February 19th 2005 | Saturday | 10:12pm

"BAD CHEETAH!"

    I'm nearly done with my thesis body pero grabe, parang misleading yung arguments ko! Nauubusan na ko ng masasabi at di ko ma-appreciate yung words of thought ko kasi napapangitan ako! Haha. Talk about my perfectionist side once more. Idagdag mo pa ang pagka-pessimist ko dahil ang lahat ng problema ko maya't maya ko na lang inisip. Eh kasi naman noh, ga-bundok naman talaga ang gawain sa school. Naalala ko tuloy nung 4th yr Hs ako, parang ganito ang scenario! Grrrrr.. Nakakainis dahil marami pang bigas na kakainin at gusto ko ng isumalmal ang lahat! Naglalabasan tuloy lahat ng pangit kong ugali. Haha. BAD CHEETAH! *growls*

    Pinagsabihan pa ko dito sa bahay. Ako na nga yung nag-mediate nung nag-away yung mga tao dito pero ako nanaman ang masama. Ang tapang ko daw. Kesho ayaw magpatalo at masakit magsalita. Harhar. Sino ba namang di madadala at makakaramdam ng pag-aalab kung masyado kang pine-pressure ng pagkakataon?? Ang fault ko lang, dinala ko pati sa bahay ang hinagpis ko sa paaralan. Di dapat dinadala ang mga ganung problema. Pero di ba, maiiwasan mo ba yun? Mahirap di ba. Ah ewan! I'm just so doomed and my life is in full confusion. Damn I hate it! I wanna get over this kind of feeling.

"It was my choice to be happy. Cheer up."

- sabi ni *Morrie*

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February 18th 2005 | Friday | 10:47pm

"THE WAR OF EMOTIONS"

    Whew, I'm so tired already! But at least, it was all worth it. I accomplished a couple of school works and other side line businesses as early as Friday. I'm done with my Sociology article, outlined the powerpoint for Geography and finally, na-burn ko na yung bday video ni Tito Doy. "Fighting" schedules but thank heavens I was able to manage them all. Next work please? Hehe. It's just that I feel a bit sad today and my surrounding seems so to be "in flame".

    Ang daming nag-aaway ngayon! Sa classroom nagkakainitan dahil sa kung anu-anong iringan at pataasan ng ere. I'm not in greater favor of anybody but I guess both of them just have their respective points and faults. Dito din sa bahay, magkaaway yung dalawa kong pinsan! Napaka-simpleng dahilan pero pinalaki pa nila. Nung una, natatawa pa ako kasi nag-aaway sila dahil sa hanger pero maya-maya, feeling ko magbabatuhan na sila ng hanger! Terible! Kung di pa umawat mom ko, tuloy ang mala-Iraq-US war nila.

    Todo ratratan at sabugan ng maaanghang na salita ang mga tao ngayon. Di ko alam kung bakit dapat umabot sa ganun. Puwede namang mahinahon lang at huwag padala sa sari-sariling emosyon. Naisip ko, kelangan lang siguro nilang magpaka-mature at magparaya. It's for the reason of miscommunication and a little bit of pride too.

    Hay ewan. Sinong anghel de la guardia nga ba ko para magsabi ng mga pahayag na yun, eh ako din naguguluhan sa buhay ko. Haha. My feelings are fighting too. I just can't exactly figure out why I'm acting like this. Naaaliw na kasi ako kay "Pucca" pero kanina na-feel kong napakataas niya. I really felt that I was so ignored. Bumaling ako kay "Mulawin" Inakala ko kasing masasandalan ko siya kanina dahil sobrang bigat na ng araw na ito pero bakit kanina, di ko naramdaman yung presence niya? I want to think of exceptions but you know, I'm starting to doubt once more - na nandiyan lang siya kapag kailangan niya ko pero pag ako na ang nagipit, nawawala na lang siya bigla. MULAWIN nga siya, ang bilis lumipad papalayo sa tanaw ko. Naiwan nanaman ako sa ere at unti-unting nalulugmok pababa.

"You're so close but still a world away."

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February 16th 2005 | Wednesday | 11:39pm

"KUNG KAILAN KINAILANGAN, SAKA NAGKA-SIRAAN"

    Crap Friendster. That's my sole connection to the person I'm supposed to interview today. The deadline is on Friday, and darn it, I think I cannot make it because of another system malfunction by friendster.com. Hay. Kaya nga ba ang hirap umasa nang todo sa teknolohiyang pumapalya palagi. Eh kung sana naisip kong puntahan na lang nang personal yung dapat kong i-interview, tapos ko na sana ngayon ang news article ko. Too much dependence on technology brings a lot of risks and uncertainties.

    Speaking of "siraan", nainis ako kaina sa isa kong kaklase. Ang makuwelang samahan dati, nauwi sa pagkaka-siraang di ko sinadya. Hay naku. I know everyone is under pressure right now to meet the deadlines but duh, ibato ba lahat ng responsibilidad sa akin? And besides, it's a group work so obviously, everyone must be working. Eh ang kinalabasan, porket forte ko ang techy stuffs, ako na magpapaka-martir na gawin lahat ng yun. Unfair yun. Hay. Pinagpaliban ko na lang muna ang sariling emosyon at alam kong stress and pressure lang ang dahilan ng lahat.

    I just hope these broken thingies will end already. Sana Marso na. Isang buwan na lang! Waah. I'm deeming already of the beaches, theme parks and sweet fruit shakes! At sana, makasama ko na ulit siya. Harhar.

We need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does every life mean? In a marriage, you're promising to care about everything - the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things. All of it, all of the time, everyday, you'll say "your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."

-Shall We Dance

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February 15th 2005 | Tuesday | 10:58pm

"BILANGGO"

    There's so much to learn from the place I had gone a while ago. No books can illustrate, no texts can explain how things go there. Ma`am Peppin was absolutely right. Ang buhay sa Muntinlupa, hindi mo maaaring ikulong sa iisang konsepto at ilathala sa iisang libro.

    The sun was so hot, the wind was at its drought. It was as if a dooms-day view for a newly-entered prisoner (which I compared to myself a while ago). Kung ako nga, unang punta ko pa lang dun, sangdamakmak na ang reklamo ko, paano pa kaya yung mga presong ilang dekada ng nandun? I started to ask so many questions. And it was for me to find out and feel how a prisoner's life goes.

    The place is somewhat like a community. Minsan, makakalimutan mong nasa Bilibid Prison ka. May mga  livelihood at vocational programs, recreational areas, and there's room for change. But then, kung ako ang nasa sitwasyon nila, di pa rin magiging maayos ang lahat dahil bilanggo ka pa rin. Napakalaki pa rin ng kaibahan ng isang ibong nasa hawla kaysa sa agilang lumilipad sa kawalan. Sa mga narinig ko, ang dami pa ring hinaing ng isang bilanggo. Nandiyan yung pangugulila sa pamilya, pagsisisi sa nagawa, palpak na serbisyo ng bilagguan at ang pangangamba sa bawat umagang iminumulat nila.

    We stayed at the Medium Correction Camp and had the chance to interact with the people there. Yung mga detainees dun, ang kadalasang kaso ay Homicide or Rape kung saan maaari silang magtagal ng 20 taon pababa. Si Kuya Joel, yung nakausap ko kanina, ang kaso Homicide, 6 na taon ang sintensiya. May tatlong taon pa siyang bibilangin at batid mo sa kanya ang labis na pananabik sa paglaya. He said that everything was just an accident and he didn't really mean to hurt. I can see in his eyes that he has a plan after imprisonment. Good thing for Kuya Joel. Sabi niya,babalik siya ng Zambales, iiwas na sa gulo, sa tukso at maghahanap na ng trabaho. Well, I just hope he could make it. I was just so moved by his own story. Sana mabigyan pa ulit ako ng pagkakataong bumalik at kumustahin ang mga taong minsang nakasalamuha ko.

    The remaining hours were spent at the Lethal Injection Chamber kung saan napaka-init at talaga namang nakakatakot tignan. Ewan ko ba. Sino nga naman bang matutuwa kung alam mong papatayin ka na? Papasok pa sana kami sa Maximum Correction Camp pero sa kasamaang palad, di pa man kami nakakapasok ay nagkaroon na ng riot daw. Sayang. Sabi nga ni Shiela [my classmate], "Di buo ang blog kasi di naman buo ang trip!" Hehe. In the bus, almost everybody were asleep and tired. It was a fulfilling day.

excess #1: Tawa kami ng tawa nina Madie nung umaga pa! Paano kasi, habang nasa bus pa kami [in UST campus], nakita naming nag-jojogging si Kate Co Yu Kang. Eh grabehan, ilang oras kaming napanis sa loob ng bus at sabi ni Madie sana nagpa-autograph na lang muna siya! HAHA! Then we all started to have these "what ifs" and imagined how we look like as we jog with Kate tapos bawat lap niya, nadadagdagan ang kasama niyang nag-jojogging! HAHAHA! Saya nun di ba! GROUP JOGGING!

excess #2: Di lang si Hello Kitty kamukha ni Ate Roxanne ngayon, si PUCCA na ren! Nyahaha. Natawa na lang siya sa mga pasaway kong jokes kanina ^-^ Hay. Sana maglaro na ulit siya! Sana 3rd con na! Sana bakasyon na! HAHAHA..

Ibong mang may layang lumipad, kulungin mo at umiiyak.

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February 14th 2005 | Monday | 08:08pm

"TALK ABOUT SHELLY'S CRAZINESS!"

    Happy Valentine's Day to all! Well, how I dreamt of a perfect date this night, haha! But I guess this is not my time and that "unidentified someone" is still searching hard for me! Practically I just enjoyed seeing roses along Dangwa and smiling at partners happily walking in the name of love. Di bale, di naman ako nag-iisa. Nandiyan ang Kapisanan ng mga Singles Since Birth! (KSSB?! haha!) Maski daw si Ate Rox [HAHA! Kaya tambay muna kami ng bahay!] But then, you'll discover how, at a snail's pace, crave for that "ideal" thing.

    Napakabaliw ko yata ngayong Lunes at napasubo akong magtungo sa SM North Edsa. Naka-uniporme pa kamo ako at tanggal na ang medyas ko. Haha. Biglaan lang talaga. I thought of buying the "Shall We Dance" soundtrack because I want to give it to someone special who's so crazy about that movie. Sa National Bookstore (Q. Ave) lang sana ako pupunta, but damn! Out of stock na?! And because of my craziness pa rin, I didn't give up and tried at SM Edsa. Imagine how traffic it was at Edsa?! rush hour?! Valetine's pa?!  I have forgotten all the assignments and school works waiting at home. At ang masaklap pa diyan, alam niyo kung ano?? Ang hinayupak na soundtrack, out of stock na rin dun!!! Kaka-buang yun di ba? Nagsayang ka ng oras at pagod tapos walang nangyari. I arrived home at 7:30pm.

Di ko alam kung magiging proud ba ko sa ginawa ko. Well, at least I tried di ba. At saka, madalas sabihing gagawin mo ang lahat para sa taong mahalaga sa iyo. Ganito ba yun? - spending two precious hours of struggling along the road, in the name of LOVE. That's how I spent my Valentine's Day! Holy Love di ba?!

Ang pag-ibig pag nasok sa puso ninuman, hahamakin ang lahat masunod ka lamang

-Francisco Balagtas

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February 13th 2005 | Sunday | 10:22pm

"IT WASN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL"

    Hmmf. Talo USTe sa v league at ang panget nung finals game. Parang hindi finals game kasi hindi kapana-panabik. 3 straight sets in favor of the greeny leafy Archers. Parang tinamad na maglaro ang Lady Tigers kanina [di siguro sila kumain ng green leafy vegetables! HAHA!] at ang bilis bumigay ng UST spirit. Tuluyang nilamon ng DLSU ang lahat. Lalo lang ako nag-ngitngit sa DLSU. Paano kasi, lahat na lang sinakop nila: UAAP Basketball, UAAP Volleyball at ngayon, pati V-league Championship. Ah ewan. Siguro minsan, kelangan lang makaranas ng pagkagapi para matuto at malaman ang mga pagkakamali. Marami din kasing naging errors ang UST team eh. Masyado silang nagpa-easy2 at inakala nilang kaya nilang habulin ang scores. Pero at least, may award si Ate Roxanne! Haha. Best Attacker siya, along with Rubie De Leon (best server) and Mary Jean Balse (best receiver).

    I was with Kc and Khriz a while ago. Medyo OP nga ako eh, pero siguro dahil mas pinili kong ma-alienate na rin. Nalungkot lang talaga ko sa nangyari and I chose not to enjoy the rest of our moments together. Naisip ko kasing pinagpaliban ko ang maraming school works sa isang talunang championship match na walang kalatoy-latoy. Too bad. Pero ano nga namang magagawa natin, eh tapos na! Sana makabangon na lang ang UST sa 3rd conference. Hehe. April pa yata yun, but I'm definitely looking forward to it.

   Akala ko, tuluyan na lang magiging ganung kapangit ang araw ko. Buti na lang, nandiyan pa rin yung taong nagpapa-ngiti sa akin. Itago natin siya sa code name na "Mulawin". Ka-text ko siya the whole time. At talaga namang pinasaya niya ang nakakabugnot na araw ko. Alam niyang badtrip ako kasi nga, talo USTe. Kung anu-anong pinagkwentuhan namin at sa huli, nagka-dramahan pa. Sa kanya ko nalamang Valentine's Day na pala bukas. Ang sweet ng mga sinabi niya! At sana totoo ang lahat ng yun. Haha.

    Di ko pa tapos ang thesis ko. Yung mga projects di ko pa nagagalaw. Tomorrow is another start of a busy school day. Masaya na rin akong kahit papaano I spent a day doing stuffs I liked. Talunan man ang manok ko pero panalo naman ang tibok ng puso ko! It wasn't so bad after all. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! hehe ^-^

"Di ka loveless, marami ka ngang mahal eh at maraming nagmamahal sa iyo at isa na ko dun." 09:59:38pm

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February 12th 2005 | Saturday | 10:35pm

"KONTROBERSYAL"

    Journ nga ako. Haha. Nitong mga nakalipas na araw, ang dami kong balitang nasagap na talaga namang nakaka-"whoah" pakinggan. Mga bagay na di ko inaasahang mangyayari pero anupa't anuman, naganap na.

ISYU 001 - Isyung nabuntis si ganito, si ganyan...

    Di ko na ilalantad kung sinu-sino sila sa buhay ko pero grabehan, I was just so shocked. Di ko kasi inakalang at this early stage, they will already engage into that kind of responsibility. Well I just hope they would learn from that kind of experience and take a good stand for it.

ISYU 002 - Isyung sabotahe sa v league!

    I wasn't able to place here that last Thursday, my idol Ate Roxy [of UST] was injured at the fifth set of the championship match against DLSU. Some UST fans blamed Michelle Carolino because she was in front of Pimentel at that time. Sa bagay, minsan mapapa-isip ka din sa ganung anggulo - na may sabotahe! Pero pinabulaanan naman ni Ate Roxy sa friendster.com na walang may kasalanan kasi aksidente lang yun. Katuwa nga eh kasi naka-chat ko pa siya kanina sa YM! Thanks to Madie!

ISYU 003 - Isyung super layas na daw ako?!

    LOLZ. I can't help but go to different places in spite of sooo many requirements. Ewan ko ba. Napaka-wirdo ng mga pangyayaring kung kailan adventurous ang buhay ko, ganun din kung umarangkada ang school works ko. At ngayon, mas pinipili kong mag-relax2 kaysa sa magsunog ng kilay. ISYU na nga yun siguro sa kanila. Haha. Bahala na silang gumawa ng sarili nilang istorya.

Media men consider each change of time an issue. He jots down unusual events, even a celebrity who accidentally slipped on her gown.

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February 11th 2005 | Friday | 12:46am

"A BLAST FROM THE PAST"

    This day is so significant for me. Even though I got so worn out and as if I want to close my eyes at this very moment, I can't help but type these words expressing how blissful I am that this day turned out to so memorable. Eto nanaman ang mala-nobelang kwento ng araw ko.

    Flu season pala ngayon. I was seriously ill in the morning. Ang sakit ng kasu-kasuhan ko at may gumuguhit na sakit sa gilid ng ilong ko. Trangkaso. Kung kailan ko kelangan ng malakas na katawan, saka naman sumuko ang powers ko. I just decided to absent myself to get some rest. Kinagabihan kasi, pumunta ako sa Bandfest 2005 ng STC. At dun umikot ang kwento, dun rumolyo ang mala-pelikulang eksena.. It was a BIG NIGHT. I was in my pink outfit. Bongga ang lola mo, bagong foot spa at hot oil pa kamo ako! LOL.

    Within my 4 years of stay in STC, I seemed to enjoy every single event that come about there. Masaya ang buhay-hayskul. Isa sa mga paborito kong event ay ang BandFest wherein Theresian talents are showcased as they perform [dance, sing, speak] in stage for a good cause. [this year's target is for the Gawad Kalinga fund raising] But then, as Kc and I stood there a while ago, OMG I had a very different feeling - something that shocked me so hard. It's as if we're an alien there and all the people are just screaming for whatsoever is to be shouted at, In short, di kami maka-relate. Kung dati rati'y halos maubos ang boses kong kakatili sa bawat taong tumatayo sa entablado, ngayon nanuyot lang ang labi ko. Nakamasid ako sa maraming tao pero ang isip ko, nasa kawalan. Di ko inexpect na magiging super boring ang panonood namin. Now I knew why sometimes grad students don't attend STC events anymore because you know, the event may be the same as before, but you can never relate to it anymore. Sabi nga ni Bob Ong sa isang libro niya, "Nakabalik ako sa dating lugar pero di ko naibalik ang panahon..." Ibang-iba na talaga ngayon. Na-bwisit lang ako sa mga sintunadong instrumento, sabog na kanta at paulit-ulit na himig. [Song of the day: This Love by Maroon 5. Ilang beses tinugtog pero ang pinaka-masaklap, di ko nagustuhan ang lahat ng version. Haha]

    Thank goodness I have thought of texting one of my closest friend in STC. Kasama namin siya the whole time. At least the boredom was quite lessened and we just chit chat on so many things. Hirap man kami mag-usap (dahil maingay), natuwa talaga akong di pa rin siya nagbabago. Iniwan ko ang nakalipas nang may bakas ng alaala niya. Ang pinaka-nakakaantig ay sa kabila ng napaka-ingay na paligid, nabigkas niya ang simpleng "uy, na-miss ko na kayo.." at tanging yun lang ang pumasok sa tenga ko. I was so busy this past few days and to hear something like that made my heart melt talaga. Maya-maya, kinuha niya yung bag niya sa taas and then we decided to go to a more silent place. Gosh, panalo ang lokasyon namin. We sat under the tree, above the evoking crescent moon. Far away from all the anxieties and problems that we're all dealing, tapos sabay tugtog ang "Jeepney" by Spongecola!!! Grabehan. Lalo akong naantig sa mga pangyayari. How I missed the past. That person once became so special in my heart and at that very moment, I was trying to fight with my feelings. Gusto ko na siyang burahin pero grabe, iba talaga siya sa lahat at patuloy niya pa rin akong pinapa-ngiti.

    Then later, I was so surprised again when I saw my Hs kadamates, Gian and Alyssa. They used to be the mediocre type of friends I had back then.  As we talked, walked around the familiar spaces that we once thought our own paradise, and reminisced on the good chuckles of our Hs days, the more I feel that I'm still stuck with the bygone times. I also met some of my former classmates and STC friends, lahat sila nagpa-mulat sa akin ng maraming bagay. Mga bagay na di kayang ituro ng UST sa akin dahil only in STC lang yun.

    Masaya pala talagang sariwain ang nakalipas. Minsan tatawanan mo. Minsan ikaluluha mo. Pero ang mas nakahihigit dun, nalalaman mong ang nakalipas na ngiti't luha ang siyang sumukli sa tagumpay at pagbabagong tinatamasa mo ngayon. Maraming bagay akong gustong ipagpasalamat sa STC. 11 taon kong itinuring na tahanan yun. Sa mga magagandang pangyayaring nagpatibay ng loob ko, sa mga damdaming nadama ko nang husto, at sa bawat hibla ng sandali, naging mahalaga ang mga yun. Ngayon proud akong sabihing, "buti na lang, Theresian ako." What could have been my molding image today if I didn't go within the hands of this beholding school.

Naaalala ko ang mga gabing, nakahiga sa ilalim ng kalawakan. Naaalala ko ang mga gabing magkatabi sa ulan.

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February 9th 2005 | Wednesday | 10:36pm

"PARCEL"

    Ang daming projects at magkakasunod pa yung date of submissions! Most of these are group projects pa and so, there's a need to obtain meeting days. I just hate staring at my watch minute by minute and you know, I'm somewhat like a businessman who has this schedule of appointments. Parang naka-kahon nanaman ang bawat oras ko. Isa akong preso - presong nasa isang kahon.

    I was reminded of the nun who entered in Theology class a while ago. Somehow, I gained interest in Theology [I just feel so sleepy every Theo class] The unusual visit of guests jammed my interest. They were Benedictin and Dominican preachers who're inviting youths to experience and understand their vocation. And when that Dominican nun started to deliver her words, I was just so moved by her point of view.

    Sabi niya, hindi niya pinili ang pag-mamadre dahil yun na LANG ang kinahinatnan niya. Mali daw kasi ang pagtingin natin sa mga katulad nila. Nais nilang baguhin ang mababang pananaw sa mga nagsisilbi sa kapwa at sa Diyos. It was her choice and she just responded to the "calling" of Christ. Well actually, I saw her point there. Most of us have this attitude that religious vocation is in the least of our concerns. May pagpapahalaga man tayo sa pagsisilbi sa kapwa at sa Diyos pero madalas, inuuna muna natin ang sariling kapakanan - we prefer to be engineers, nurses, accountants, because we're so terrified of the future. How I admire priests and nuns like her. I can't do such thing as to offering everything LITERALLY for the sake of service. It's not that easy. And as said by Queennie [my seatmate], "parang malungkot kasi sa isang kumbento o monasteryo." I agreed with her. Let's face it, di mo naman talaga makita ang kausap mo di ba [pertaining to God]. That's why I marvel at those people who can see God beyond flesh. It's a gift parceled from heaven.

    As the class ended, Sir Quinabo [my Theo prof] said that "No matter what your profession is, it's the love for that profession." Totoo yun. Lahat tayo may kanya-kanyang paniniwala, paraan ng pagpapahayag at sa dedikasyon makikita ang pagkakaiba ng bawat propesyong inaalok sa atin ng buhay. It's the love of what you're doing that enables you to reach the highest peak and the longest road streak.

"On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him"

- Buddha

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February 6th 2005 | Sunday | 10:04pm

"MEET THE IDOLS!!!"

    What a blessed Sunday. This day has been so loooong. It was dreadfully jam-packed with exciting and shocking moments, filled with laughter and fulfillment all day. Ito ang maituturing na napaka-kumpletong araw. Bakit kamo? Here's my fantastic story.

    I woke up as early as 8am. Usapan kasi namin ni Kc [my high school kadamate] na pupunta ako sa kanila ng 9am. Ang saya nga eh, kasi finally, I found a perfect buddy who accepted my favor and was with me in my new addiction, volleyball. Along with that addiction, eh pinaboran ko rin ang favor niyang manood ng "Shall We Dance" starring Richard Gere, Susan and JENNIFER LOPEZ. Aba siyempre, hihinde ba ko sa pabor na yun?? J.Lo is a knuckle-shag for me. So anyway, Kc's dad drove us to Robinson's Place in Taft. Sarado pa nga yung mall eh [haha excited?] So tambay muna sa Starbucks. Kwentuhan. Ughh. And through those petty talks, I realized how I missed Kc. We again talked about our high school days, laughed out loud and how things changed hugely right now. It was so nice to have a sip of mocca frappe, at the same time, taking some sip from the past. The movie started at 10:35am and ended at about 12:30pm.

    "Shall We Dance" is a very striking film. It stresses out the fact that sometimes, we get bored in life but as we go along, there are certain things which allow us to bring back the tone of love for life again The main point is, don't let anyone or anything shatter your passion, especially if you know that you're good at it. I strongly recommend that you all watch this film. Bonus factor pang nandun si J.Lo, you'll simply love the dance scenes! After the film, we hurriedly went out because it's about 12:40 na! We ordered food from Popeye's and rushed to the Coliseum immediately.

[check this out! click niyo! gawa-gawang punch lines hekhek]

    Pagpasok ko pa lang, dama ko na ang laro! Ang daming tao. Nagpabalik-balik pa kami ni Kc kasi di namin alam kung saan magandang umupo. We tried to sit in front but gosh, there's no room for two seats anymore. While walking, I was already starting to look for Roxanne Pimentel who was practicing along with her team mates. Waah. I said to myself, finally, I have seen the person I consider one of my idols. She's so tall. Full of power talaga. Iniisip ko kung kaya ko bang lumapit sa kanya at magpa-picture. Haha. Few minutes later, the game started.

    UST won three straight sets over PSC. They really craved for the finals spot. When the score reached 20 na (in favor of UST), we've decided to go down and positioned ourselves so that we could easily approach Roxanne after the game. Akala ko di ko na malalapitan pa si Roxanne. Paano naman kasi, ang dami niya talagang fans! While waiting, nagpa-picture na lang muna ako with Venus Bernal. Hehe. She's tall also and I admire her gestured moves too. Maya-maya, natapos na yung IBC 13 interview kay Roxy, so all the fans started to squeeze from one other. Damn it was so hot. But still, I want to approach my idol talaga kaya naku, nakipag-siksikan na rin talaga ko! Here's the climax! She borrowed my ball pen for awhile then soon, she faced me and said,

Roxanne: Kanino toh?

Shelly: Ate Roxanne sa akin po!

Roxanne: Ahh sa iyo. Thank You!

Shelly: Pa-autograph din! (then she took my paper) Congrats ah, galing-galing mo talaga!

Roxanne: Ahehe (with the hello kitty smile) Thanks din.

Stuck moment ako. Haha. Nilamon na ulit siya ng maraming fans pagkatapos nun. Na-realize kong di pa ko nagpapa-picture! Hinatak ko ulit si Kc at sumiksik nanaman. I had my turn and gosh, our picture is so nice di ba? Waaah. Saya talaga. Then we went back to our seats again, fulfilled and ready for the next game.

    Stroke of luck, Letran can still fight for the third game with DLSU. Diaz of Letran was a crowd favorite a while ago. Magaling din yun kabila. Si Carolino panalo talaga mag-spike! I can see that she's so humble pa rin in spite of all. Nakaka-kuwentuhan ko rin kasi siya friendster and for a star player like her, that act is a down-to-earth attitude talaga for me. It was an unexpected game talaga. Biruin mo, 1st and 2nd set sa DLSU, then the 3rd to 5th set went to Letran. What a recovery? I kind of enjoy na rin the game pero gosh, my head started to ache! Kasi naman noh, yung speakers nasa likod lang namin! Makalaglag-luga talaga langya! HAHAHA. 5:30 na nun, we were so tired and hungry. We dropped by Pizza Hut for dinner then took the LRT to reach home.

    Learnings? There's too much to say for this day. Yung isang simpleng learning na lang sasabihin ko - salamat may videocam akong dala at naitago ko lahat magagandang alaala para sa araw na ito!!!

Dream. Believe. Survive.

GO USTE!

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February 3rd 2005 | Thursday | 05:25pm

"SA PAGLUBOG NG ARAW"

    I felt good in the morning yet I felt so bad in the afternoon. I was so moved with my emotions. I missed some people and flashing back on everything made me so cheerless again.

    MORNING. AB Parade. I didn't attend my PE class anymore. Maybe I was just so lazy knowing that there's a parade at 11am. I really had a great time shouting and laughing out loud saying, "Journ ako!". John, my classmate [the "super Journ mascot" in the parade] and the whole gang of gagsters [1jrn1 class] truly made me happy. I never thought that the AB parade would be that comical.

    AFTERNOON. We only had Literature class. It was kind of boring. Then soon, I found out that Ma`am Domingo and Ma`am Peppin won't be able to make it. So the class was suspended as early as 4pm. Natuwa talaga ako! - bukod sa wala ng klase, may chance pa kong makapanood ng live sa Rizal Stadium! Waah! I'm so addicted to volleyball right now. May volleyball game ng 5pm ang UST vs PSC! I started to search for accompaniment from my classmates pero, unti-unting nalagas ang pag-asang may gustong sumama sa akin. Hay talaga. I can't blame them naman because you know, I just planned at the very moment, Rizal stadium is far from their destination at saka hapon na, tinatamad na daw sila. But how I wish, natuloy talaga. Sayang kasi. Alam mo yun. Akmang-akmang wala ng klase at alam ko kung paano pumunta doon. Minsan na nga lang ako makaisip na mag-relax nang kaunti at mamasyal sandali pero heto't nakaupo na lang sa harap ng pc ko.

    How I missed my high school buddies. They were always on the go. I don't want to compare my friends but honestly, right now I can't find a perfect buddy who shares exact interests and attitudes with me. Dati, madali kong mayaya ang mga hs friends ko kasi magkakalapit lang ang bahay namin. Minsan nga, naka-kotse pa kami at buo ang tropa. Na-imagine ko lang, kung sana si Ayna or si Kaycee ay kaklase ko pa rin, eh di sana ubos na ang boses naming kaka-tili sa Rizal Stadium ngayon. Balak ko pa namang magpa-autograph at makipag-kaibigan kay Roxanne Pimentel. Hayyy. Big disappointment talaga.

    Iba na nga talaga kapag college. May hatid na ibang saya pero kalakip ng mga tuwa't halakhak ay ang mga luhang tutulo dahil sa patuloy mong pangungulila. I found some things symbolic and made me realize how I truly miss STC. Una, Nagkataong ang sinuot kong shirt kanina ay ang STC shirt ko. Pangalawa, pauwi na ko nang makasabay ko si Dra Prejido, ang STC school doctor. At panghuli, pagdaan ko ng simbahan, nakakita ako ng mga magkaka-tropang Teresyanang masayang naglalakad.

    Twilight. The separation of the day from the night. Light slowly vanishes as the bluish sky enters the scene. Somewhat I felt that way. I had a happy sunny day yet I ended with a gloomy night. There were lots of people in the morning but as the day went off, slowly I felt that I was so lonely. And actually, I am really alone.

Gusto ko sanang pigilin ang araw at lagi kong binabalikan ang mga masasayang sandali. Nangingiti ako nang panandalian sa pagbabalik-tanaw pero unti-unti naman akong ginigising ng realidad. Realidad na hinding-hindi ko na maibabalik ang nakalipas.

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February 2nd 2005 | Wednesday | 08:12pm

"LIMOS"

    Bakit ba napaka-ulyanin ko na? Haha. Kulang na nga siguro ako sa sustansiya. Minsan gusto kong mainis dahil dun pero minsan, nauuwi na lang ang lahat sa mga hagikgik.

    Kanina, di ko alam na pumasok ako ng iskul nang walang baong pera. Buti nga't may barya-barya pang natira sa wallet ko. Kundi, baka na-late pa ko sa pagpasok at bumalik pa ko ng bahay. I went to CDR-King to buy four blank cds. Demanding pa nga ko sa pag-order ng cd eh, 10:45am na kasi [my class was 11am]. When I was about to take the cds and pay for it, grabehan! Wala palang lamang pera ang wallet ko! I walked away hurriedly [in big shame] and I just pretended that I forgot my money in my DORM [ulyanin na, sinungaling pa HAHA!].

    Pero ang mas nakakatawa -- dahil sa wala akong pera. para akong pulubing namalimos kanina. I had proven myself awhile ago that definitely, money controls our daily living. It's hard to live normally without any money. Yung mga taong kalapit-upuan ko sa classroom, hinihingian ko ng p5.00 each. Haha. Tampulan ako ng biruan kanina. Para daw talaga kong pulubi. Fund-raiser. Journ student na dapat ay nasa Commerce dahil mautak sa pangongolekta ng pera. But of course I have no choice! I have to eat and I really need to buy that four compact disks.

    Then I realized that sometimes, you really have to beg. Nakakahiya man, pero ang tawag ng pangangailangan, di mo mapipigilan. Nailulunok ang pride. Naisasantabi ang kahiyaan. Not only in terms of financial needs that we beg, but with other basic necessities too. You also beg for time, affection, opportunities or even love. Material and immaterial, we all have insufficiencies. There comes a time that man is forced to keep his connectivity in order to survive.

*extras* - by the way, Madie and I saw Kate Co Yu Kang when we were buying donuts kanina [sa Tinoko Park].  Kahapon naman, we saw Mary Jean Balse going down the stairs from Commerce. Small world isn't it?! That's one true CONNECTIVITY. ;-) Hay naku, I'm looking forward to find some connectivity naman with my idol, Roxanne Pimentel!

No man is an island.

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