Buffy laughed at him. "Of course there's fries." She set the food onto the rolling table that could be placed over the bed. "And a vanilla milkshake." She made a face. "What, no chocolate?"

Joyce shook her head. "They didn't have any more chocolate syrup."

Buffy sighed. "Guess you'll have to make do with vanilla." She tilted her head at her mom. "So, what else did you bring?"

Joyce got out a large plastic shopping bag. "Clothes." She smiled. "I hope I got your sizes right Spike..." She pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans, a pair of khakis, a forest green turtleneck, a tan tee shirt, socks, a pair of dark brown shoes, and, with a slight blush, some black boxers. Spike nodded with approval. "This is all really nice of you all. I could have got my own clothes when I get out." Joyce shook her head no."Spike, Buffy said your clothes were beyond wearing. Its really the least we could do for your saving Buffy's life" Spike blushes and smiles "Thanks. I'll uh put these on later."

Buffy grinned. "what, you don't want to stay in a hospital gown forever?" He grinned "well, no I'd rather not have my rear sticking out for the entire town to see." Dawn giggles "I'm sure Buffy would not mind." Joyce looks shocked at her younger daughter. "Dawn, now thats not nice"

Buffy glared at her sister, as if to warn her against future comments of that sort. A sudden memory hit Spike. Its painful and all too vivid. He sees the lady oracle in his mind. "I never said this would be easy William. You have to learn all your human emotions again. That includes remorse. She faded into the back of his mind. While he cringed at the visual in his head, Joyce, Dawn and Buffy looked at him with concern. They talked to him, he could not hear them.

He could see himself and Drusilla, dancing around a fire. Blood stained their mouths as the twirled and sang. Broken bodies from a family of 5 lay nearby. They had killed everyone, even the children. He saw their now lifeless faces, eyes closed and looking angelic. Tiny hands lay clamped together over their chests.The mother and father, draped over one another. Their eyes wide open. Seemingly boring right through Spike. It made him sick. Snapping out of his own little world, he jumped out of bed and into the bathroom where he lost all the days meals.

The women all stare in confusion at each other. In the bathroom, where none could watch, where he could hide it, he let the tears fall. There was a knock at the door, and Buffy's voice rang through.

"Spike? Are you okay in there? Do you need a nurse?" she sounded concerned.He leaned a foot aganist the door to prohibit her entrance. "No, I'm fine. Just a little too much excitement at once." He lied. Buffy looked to Joyce and shrugged. "I'm worried about him. I wonder whats really wrong."

" I'm not sure Buffy. Maybe we should go.It has been a long day for him." Not wanting to leave him, she reluctantly agreed. "You're right, he has just been shot." Buffy knocked on the door. "Spike? Mom and I are going to go OK?" The bathroom door crept open an inch or so. He peeked through it and gave her a weak smile.

"Alright then, I need some sleep. It was so nice of you all to come really."Dawn stood behind Buffy lookiing worried. "Hey in there, you have to get better so we can hang out like always. I can't see Buffy getting all hyped about it now." Her older sister just rolled her eyes and gave her a sisterly shove. "Dawn, hush up" Joyce joined Dawn and looked sadly at Spike. "You just call if you need anything. If anyone knows how lonley hospitals can be, its me. So you just call." Managing another weak smile he nodded. Joyce and Dawn headed out the door. "Buffy come on sweety, its late, I'll give you a ride home." "Just a minutes mom."

Spike ventured out of the room, feeling a little better. "You'd better get going." She stared up at him. There was a distant look in his eyes. Like he was not even there with her. Knowing he'd had enough for the night, she felt it best to ask in the morning. "Get some sleep you." Already in bed he nodded. "I will, you too" He watched her walk away from his sight, then he broke down and cried.

Visions of all the things he'd done, the people he'd killed, floated in front of him. Memories of trying to kill BUffy. Of hurting her. The oracle appeared in his mind again. She shook her head at him. "Your fairing better than I thought. Keep up the good work William." She poofed into a pinkinsh cloud. He was then really all alone. It never really bothered him before. Right now, with all the memorys, it was agony. His eyes burned into the phone wishing it to ring. Let it even be Angel, just ring.

And, miracle of miracles, it did ring. It was Angel. "Hello?" Spikes shaky voice came over the phone.

"Spike? Its Angel. Buffy called me, told me you were hurt. Amoung other things. How are you?"

Spike stared at the phone in disbelief. Angel cared about him?

"I'm... not great..." There was an akward moment of silence. " She says you are." he almost choked on the word. "Mortal."

"Yes, I am. Human. I think... I think I have a soul too...."

"You have a soul." Angel said simply. He was not asking. He was just trying to get used to this concept. "So you feel remorse?"

"Yes... oh God... do I?... and it's terrible..." Angel laughed a bit. " I can't believe you got the chance I've been waiting for. What have you done that I have not done?"

"I don't know... but it's scary... and don't you laugh at me you poofter. I'm going out of my mind here." "I heard you saved her life. Shes really grateful you know. I think shes a little confused about it, but still happy."

Spike listened to his grandsire with intent. She was happy, happy about something he did. Maybe he had a chance after all. Angel added "Your still not her type Spike. No matter how hard you try. Untill she finds who she is and what shes looking for, no one will be."

"I can wait. I'll always have time for her."

Angel chuckeled. "If I know you, and I do, you won't have the patience needed to wait for Buffy. You'll go insane waiting."

Spike laughed. "Yeah, you know me pretty well... but a fella's got to try... Angel?"

"Yes Spike?"

"Does.... does it ever quit? All the memories... and the guilt... Does it get better?" Angel was quiet for a moment, "No. I can't tell you they get better. They don't. The only thing that changes is the way you learn to handle them. Learn to handle the new person you've become. And everytime you get to the point of almost forgiveness over some terrible thing you've done, one more pops up that is ten times more worse than the last one. And it all starts over again."

Silence spanned across the telephone line. Neither man knew what to say next. Angel knew what lied ahead for his friend. Some part of him was grateful for this. He heard it in Buffy's voice. The way she spoke his name. It told him that if Spike could do this, this one thing, that he could live in LA and never worry about her like he has been. He knew that Spike could care for her and devote himself to her the way Angel could never do. To see her happy, even if it was with Spike, was better than to see her alone and unhappy.

Spike finally spoke. "Well, that's not a very cheerful future. I'll just have to fill my time with things... I'm not going to brood like you. I'm going to do something about it. I don't know what I'll do, but I'll figure it out." Angel decieded to give him a few ideas."Well you could take up needlework, or maybe a cooking class or two." He laughed at himself.

To his surprise, Spike laughed too. "Somehow mate, I'm thinking redemption won't come in a casserole dish. I'm thinking that the best thing I can do is to continue to help Buffy and her chums in any way I can." "Are you sure? Women love a man who can cook."

Spike chuckled at that. "Yes, there is that." Just then, a nurse came in to take vitals. "Oh hell... Angel, I have to go. Another bloody set of ponce tests... Call again later?" Angel nodded and spoke "Yea, I'll call later. Remember what I've told you now."

"Yeah, I will granddaddy. See you later." And for added fun as always he added "Ponce." Angel laughed as he hung up. "That guy will never change."

Buffy arrived later that day to take Spike home. She had spent an hour in her room, changing outfits. I'm only going to pick Spike up. How hard can it be to pick out an outfit? After about 10 changes of clothes, she decieded on the very first one she picked. A light blue sundress with spaghetti straps. It was cut about midway down her chest and stopped just above her knee. She wore a pair of white sandles to go along with it. Giles had lent her the convertable to go and pick him up in. When she arrived, Spike was arguing loudly with a male nurse. The nurse was trying to get him to get into a wheelchair so they could wheel him out, according to hospital policy.

"No! I refuse! I am NOT getting in that bloody thing."

"Please sir, it's policy. Besides, you can't walk that far yet."

"No!" After his previous experience, Spike was sick of wheelchairs. Buffy went to his side, "Please sir, he has had a tramatic experiance with wheelchairs before. Is there another way around this?" Her eyes were pleading to the nurse. But he was unbudging. "Its hospital policy, everyone leaves in a wheelchair." Spike sat in bed, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. "I'm not bloody sitting in one of those traps, I can walk." He jumped out of bed to illustrate, and fell flat on his butt. The effects of the pain meds were apparant yet. Buffy stiffled a giggle. As the nurse helped him up, Spike mumbled.."Fine, I'll sit in one. Who wouldn't want chauffered?" He hung his head , looking up at Buffy through his lashes. She walked beside him carrying two bags of clothes that were left behind.

"Mind you, I could walk if I wanted to. I don't really need this blasted thing." he mumbled unhappily, glaring at his feet.The nurse smiled and nodded. "Yes sir I know. We just want you to be safe. Don't need you ripping out those stitches now do we?"

"Yeah yeah yeah..." He sighed gloomily. "Do I need this thing out of the hospital too?" "No sir, doctor recomends you stay in bed for a few days before you try and be up and around. Is there someone who can help fix you meals and such?" They were nearing the front of the hospital. Buffy spoke quickly. "Uh I'll be taking care of him." A big smile crossed Spike's face. The nurse nodded. "Thats great miss." Spike was wheeled outside. Sunlight fell down on him and he was warmed by the little invisable rays. A slight chill overcame him comming from the cool hospital and now into the warm air. "Spike we have Giles car. Isen't this great? A convertable!" She squealed with delight. The nurse helped him in the car while Buffy loaded the bags in the back and hopped in the driver seat.

"Its nice. Red. Not a color I would pick for Giles but nice." He answered. With a tap on the top of the door the nurse then waved them off and wished them luck. As they drove away, the nurse watching them as they left, another nurse appeared behind the first one. "He still has a chance to fail sister." "You just wish it so brother. It will not happen" They vanished from the hot pavement in a tiny puff of smoke.