Spike sat on the guest room bed, just looking around. He still couldn't quite grasp that Buffy had invited him here, out of her own free will. She was really good at confusing him that was for sure. Spike wondered what went through her mind when she thought of him. Was he her enemy? He didn't think so. But he also didn't think he had the fortune to call himself her friend either. And acquaintances? No, that sounded too distant, and he knew her pretty well by now. Then what? He sighed. Downstairs he could hear chatter but could not make out exact conversation. There was a knock at his door. "Yes?" Dawn came through the door holding out a big bag of chips. "I was just ya know, wandering around and thought I'd stop in, see if you needed anything." She sat beside him and offered the bag. "No thanks, I'm full. Just being nosy you mean?" She shook her head no. "Hey, you know, Buffy isn?t the only one who lives here, I can help out too ya know."

He looked at her. It wasn't so long ago that she'd told him to stay away from her. But he liked the niblet, so he couldn't hold that against her. He smiled. "Thanks niblet." Dawn rolled her eyes. "You and your pet names. So want to battle me to a game on the Play Station? I've got the new Rayman. You know the little guy who sticks his tongue out" She demonstrated with her hands making Spike laugh. From the doorway Buffy stood with her arms casually crossed and an amused smile on her face.

"Dawn, Spike needs to rest. Doctors orders." Buffy walked in the room and sat on the corner of his bed. Spike tried to stifle a wide smile that wanted to come about in her presence. Dawn smiled as well, giggling as she backed away. "I'll leave you two alone now."

"See you later niblet.? Dawn closed the door behind her. Spike turned to Buffy. "She?s a nice girl..." A questioning look came over his face. "Buffy?" He squirmed in his bed a little. The pain in his stomach was returning again. ?What is it Spike?"

"Why are you being so nice to me? I thought that... Well... that you hated me." He lowered his eyes in case there was a negative reaction. These mortal emotions were wrecking havoc on him. He thought himself a crazy man to ask her such a question. Buffy thought for a moment. Trying to find the right words. After leaving out a heavy sigh she took one of his hands in hers. "Spike, you saved my life. For the first time since we met, you thought of someone beside yourself. And then there?s the whole thing with you dropping your vampire status and becoming mortal? There?s something different about you. Some thing not so..." She stared off towards the window looking for a word. Leaving Spike too the liberty of finishing her sentence. "Evil?" Her eyes came back and locked on his. "Well I was going to say selfish, but that works also."

He gripped her hand a little tighter. "Thanks for noticing Buffy. It means a lot to me." He winced a little making her wriggle up her face at him. "Pain back again?" He nodded, wishing he could tell her about the other pain he was having. The flashbacks were getting worse. Angel was right. Once he gets over one, there?s a worse one right behind it. Sometimes a few at a time, exhausting him even more than the codeine he was on. Buffy hopped from the bed with grace, popped open his pill bottle and brought him a glass of water also. "Here you go, guaranteed to make you sleepy, well and the pain goes away too." Quickly he swallowed the pills, smiling at her the whole time. Buffy adjusted the pillows behind him before he lay back. "Better?" He nodded while fighting with his eyes to stay open. Buffy stayed a few minutes after he fell asleep to watch him. A warm feeling rushed over her and she shook it off. Love was not something she could afford right now. Hurt so many times in the past, she was just asking for trouble with Spike, Mortal or otherwise she knew he would break her heart just like the rest of them. Something in her head told her to back away because the heart was close behind in this race she was sure to loose. An hour later she crept out of the room closing the door behind her.

Dawn wandered over to her. "You like him." It wasn't a question. Buffy had leaned back against the door and had her eyes closed, remembering his face as he slept. Hearing Dawns voice dissolved the image quicker than she wanted it to. Buffy silently cursed as she opened her eyes. "Dawn, don't you have anything better to do then bother me?" Buffy retreated to her room. Dawn leaned on the door jam with crossed arms. "He likes you too you know. Ever see that twinkle in the back of his eye?" Buffy flopped on her bed and grabbed a book. She knew the twinkle. She had seen it today even. It made her stomach flutter and her head reminded her about all the other times she tried love. So she tried her best to repress the feeling back down to the farthest depths of herself. "Dawn, go away." Buffy buried her nose into her new Nora Roberts romance novel. What a book to pick she thought. Shaking her head Dawn slowly backed away from the door. "Alright, but just be nicer to him this time Buffy. He?s human now." She reminded her Slayer sister. "You'll hurt him a lot more this time than you did the other night."

Buffy sat in her bed trying desperately to focus on the book she was reading. Dawn had left her an hour ago yet her words still lingered in the air, like a thick annoying fog. Finally in frustration she slammed the book closed and grabbed her leather coat. A walk would help with clear her head. "Honey? Are you going out? I need...." SLAM! Went the door. "Milk" Joyce finished. Dawn was not far behind. "What have you done to your sister now?" Joyce was basting a roast in the oven. Dawn took a seat and shrugged. "Its not me mom, its Spike. She can't admit that she likes him." She smiled at her mother when she turned around, oven baste in hand. "She what? Just a few days ago she loathed the man. So what did she tell you?" "Nothing much. The usual, get out of my room. Nothing new. He has this twinkle mom. I know Buffy sees it, she has to." Joyce shrugged. "Who knows with her lately. Just give her the space she need Dawn, if there?s something about Spike that she has to work out, just let her."

Meanwhile Buffy walked the streets of Sunnydale, fighting with the emotions that lingered in the back of her throat. Patrolling would be nice. Except it was daytime. It was also a Saturday, no classes to distract her either. She found a park bench and occupied it. Sitting Indian style on the bench, she watched a little squirrel play with his food. Just then, another squirrel, slightly smaller, came and chattered at him. The bigger squirrel chirped at the little one, who ignored him. He then offered her his supper, but she just swished her fluffy tail at him. The little fellow looked confused. He approached her again, and this time the little one turned on him and chased him up a tree, chattering in anger. The big one dashed into his house, and the little one returned to the ground and ate the dinner he'd left behind. A small smile crept across her face. It was a long time since she had stopped and enjoyed life.

Spike lay in his bed tossing and turning. Images from the past haunted him. He was dripping in sweat. "No.I'm sorry...Buffy please..." Shadows flickered across his face, and suddenly the blue eyes flew open. He sat bolt upright in bed; pain went through him like a bolt of lightning. He let out a scream, alarming Joyce and Dawn downstairs.

Dawn bolted up to his room and at the side of the bed. "Spike? Are you ok? What happened?" She inquired, worried. He didn't even seem to realize she was there. He just kept staring into space. Joyce soon joined, confusion filled her face. "What is wrong with him?" "Mom I don't know and Buffy?s not here." he started to shake his head no now. His face was as white as when he was a vampire. Dawn's voice was shaken. "We.... we could call Giles, maybe he could figure it out ?Joyce nodded and put an arm around Spike, ?Just hold on Spike." Her eyes transferred to Dawn across the room as she dialed from the phone on the table. There was complete worry in their faces.

Buffy had been walking home, feeling refreshed and more confident. She had a feeling way down in her gut. Someone was in trouble. She knew that much. Her feet went from leisurely stroll to run in a matter of seconds. She knew she had to get home, fast.

Meanwhile, Spike had lain his head in his arms, and was not making a peep. Joyce sat beside him, running her hand through his hair, not knowing what else there would be for her to do. Giles said he'd be right up. Buffy got there faster then him.

The front door burst open, slamming up against the wall behind it. "Mom? Dawn?" Her voice carried up the steps, Dawn responded. "Up here Buffy." When she arrived at the top of the stairs her gut did a turn. She could see Spike lying on his side, face buried in his arms. "What?s wrong with him?" Sweat was beading on his arms and he was a little shaken. "I'm not sure honey, he was sleeping I thought, and he let out this scream." Dawn finished her mother?s sentence. "Yea and he was looking kind of spaced out and now he?s doing this." Joyce moved and offered Buffy her seat beside him. "We called Giles, he?s on his way." Buffy sat beside him and put an arm around him. In a soft voice she spoke "Spike, whatcha doing?" He looked up from his little hiding place. "Water..." He managed to say. His voice was dry and shaken. Dawn quickly grabbed a glass from the nightstand. "Here" Buffy took the glass and offered it to Spike who drank it greedily. Giles walked in then. "Buffy?" "Up here Giles" The watcher flew up the steps. "What?s going on...here" He pointed to Spike who was shaking. "What?s with him?" The women all shook their heads. "He had a dream,? Joyce explained to Giles.?He's been like this ever since.? Spike held his head up. ?I can't be a wimp about it anymore. I can't handle this alone. I need to talk to Angel." Giles snapped his fingers. "Right, the soul thing, you've been having a rough time of it?" Spike nodded. "I have to talk to Angel. He'll know what to do."

wow Thought Buffy. He actually WANTS to talk to Angel. This is getting weirder and weirder... Nonetheless, she dialed the number and handed the receiver to Spike.

In LA Angel was sleeping. He had been out all night helping Wesley and Gunn with some vamp nests that had started. He was beat, his head hurt and his muscles ached from the combat. In the back of his mind he was reminded he told himself, he was getting too old for this stuff. He had been getting a disturbing vibe all day. It made him toss in his sleep. When the phone rang, he knew why.

"Angel? Angel are you awake yet?" Cordy asked from the doorway. She was holding a black cordless phone in her right hand, left over the mouthpiece. He nodded and sat up on bed. Cordy gave him a shy glance seeing his bare chest. He noticed it and smiled quickly. They had been noticing each other a lot lately. Angel was just waiting for her to make the first move. "Here, its Spike, he sounds, well weird" Angel nodded to her before she left. He watched her leave and missed the first few words Spike said to him. "I'm sorry what was that again Spike?"

"Can you come out here? I've...." Spike paused and reconsidered his next words, not wanting to worry Buffy at all. "I just need you mate. So does uh well you know." Angel was silent, listening to him. Cordy was right. He sounded shook up at least. Buffy and the others were gathered in the hallway to give Spike some privacy. He was still uncomfortable that one of them may have an ear glued to him anyhow. Angel got out of bed and slipped on a pair of black jeans over his bare legs. "Spike, I'm in the middle of something out here. I can't just..." Spike cut him off. And in a harsh whisper he told him quickly about the dream. "I'll be right there." Angel hung up and packed a quick bag. "Angel? Where are you going? Its the middle of the day you know" Cordellia stood in his doorway, one hand on her hip. She was wearing these great navy blue Capri?s and a white tank top today. Angel sighed heavy at the thought of leaving her behind. He'd felt this...thing between them lately. Leaving it in the air like this while he went to Sunnydale on a dime was well, not fair to either of them. Then again, sometimes there are things you just have to take care of no matter what.

"Spike needs me. I'll only be a few days Cordy" He hefted his bag off the bed and went to the door. Her big brown eyes stared up at him in wonder. "Spike needs you? Since when did Spike need anybody? Why you? You hate him and he hates you right?" Angel crossed the doorway and made his way to the lobby. Turning to her Amgel lifted her chin in his two fingers. "I'll be back. Wait for me?" Cordellia felt her knees turn into jelly. She could only nod. The man made her speechless. Angel placed a light kiss on her forehead and turned out the door, draped in a heavy black leather coat to avoid the sun and off to Sunnydale he went.

Spike hung up the phone quietly. He was shaking a little from the dream yet. Dawn leaned back and peeked inside. She asked him with her eyes if they could come in yet. He nodded and took another sip of water. Buffy tried to look cheery. Gloomy looks could only make things worse. "So what did he say? Can he come and help you?" She asked him in her best pretend happy voice. "He?s on the next plane out. I'll be fine now love, don't you worry" Spike and Buffy looked at each other and seemed to forget that their friends and family were there watching. Giles coughed and broke the spell. "Excuse me. Well then Angel knows how to deal with returning souls and remorse which is what I imagine is your trouble Spike?" Spike nodded.

"Yea, its getting harder and harder everyday."

"Well Spike, this is part of the human experience I suppose... How exactly did you come by this experience anyway? I've never heard of anything like this happening."

Spike shook his head. "Couldn't tell you Giles." He sighed. He couldn't tell Giles about the oracles, and he hated that. He wanted to talk this out with someone. Understand why him, and why now. Oh bugger it all...

Time seemed to take forever to pass, until Angel finally arrived. A hard knock at the door woke up Buffy who had fallen asleep on the couch. It was almost 9pm. Her eyes were wild from sleep when she opened the door. Seeing Angel there still put a dance in her heart. "Hey" She said. Angel nodded at her. "Hello Buffy." She moved aside for him "Come in won't you? It looks wet out there." It had rained about an hour ago. The streets were damp still. Buffy took Angels heavy bag from him and placed it in the corner. "He's upstairs. In the guest room." Angel nodded and started for the stairs. Seeing her flooded his heart with feeling he swore he buried for both their sakes. "Angel?" Buffy was standing there with her arms crossed loosly. "Yes Buffy?" "Go easy on him huh? He's had a rough day." Angel nodded. "I will. Don't worry."

Spike lay awake most of the day. He had tried to read a Stephan King novel that Dawn had left in the room for him. He usually enjoyed his books. Then again considering all the happenings latley, he just could not get into it. He needed to wait for Angel. "Knock knock" Angel said in a sing song voice as he peeked inside the door. Spike's eyes greeted him warm and comfortably. "Hey there mate, hows it hanging?" Angel shook his head and took a seat by the bed. It was one Buffy frequented Angel took notice. He cold smell her here in this room. It made his heart warm at the thought. Well, as warm as an unbeating heart could be he supposed.

Angel leaned over and lightly smacked Spike in the arm. "Hows the bullet pain?" Spike sat up full in his newly accquired bed, wincing a little. "Oh you know nothing to write home about. Its the dreams that keep me awake at night, not the bleeding pain. I've got little pills to fix that." Angel nodded that he understood. "So what are they? About Buffy you said right?" Spike took a gulp of his water. "Yea, its all the bad stuff I"ve done to her. And its not just her, its all the nasty stuff I've done. Children I've killed, little ones Angel." Tears were forming at the base of his eyes. "I'm so bloody sick of this. I had feelings as a vampire but not like this." The tears were heavier now. He reached for a tissue and tried his best to dry them up.This place has everything where it belongs. Want a tissue, theres the box, right where it belongs. His voice was a little shaky now and broken. "I don't remember how to deal with this Angel, look at me! I look like a big sap crying like this, I'm always doing this latley." Angel got up and hugged Spike. He knew just how Spike felt. Truth was that everyone has a diffrent way of dealing with it. Spike had to find hid own way.

The two men separated. Angel took a seat on the edge of the bed this time. "Spike, I know its hard. I think you knew that when you made the decision you made." Angel reached into his pocket, into his leather wallet and pulled out an old worn picture of Buffy. He handed it to Spike. "This is my way. When its just too much for me to handle, I think about her." Spike stared at the picture through teary eyes. Buffy. She was his one reason he kept going. She was the reason he chose the torment of being mortal. All the guilt and anger that came with it. It was worth it for her. Only for her. He nodded. "So your saying that I need to find my own picture to inspire me?" Angel took back the well snapshot and placed it back in its place. "Yes, thats what I'm saying Spike. Go out and get a job. Live. You can walk in the daylight now. Go enjoy life. Your not the man you used to be. So when those visions come haunting you, and they will never stop. Remember that your not that person anymore. Tell them you are sorry. And get on with your life. You have to bury them as they come up. Thats all you can do."

"So what, I'm supposed to pretend that all the horrible things I did didn't matter in the least? That all those people's deaths can be erased at a whim? I can't live with myself if I do that. I can't just push it all aside..." The blonde sighed. "I don't know how to do this. Where do I go from here? I mean, it's all well and good to say that I should live life, but how do I do it exactly? I can't just walk out and be normal."

Angel got up from the bed. He shook his head. "And you think that I know how? I still have them, day and night. Little things happen and remind me of one of them. You have to try Spike. It can be done." Spike shakes his head. "If you say so peaches. I still can't see how." Buffy appears in the door. "You boys playing nice for a change?" They both seem to tense up a little. Buffy takes the now vacant seat beside Spike. Angel nodded. "Yea I"m just not sure how I can help him is all. Its something he has to decide for himself I'm afraid." Angel felt a tinge of jealousy over what Spike has just been given. Buffy thought she had caught that in his voice, Spike seemed not to notice.

Spike sat up a bit straighter, groaning a little bit at the pain. BUffy noticed and quickly got up. "I'll be right back with your pain medicine. I mean do you need it? Because you don't have to take it you know." She smiled an uneasy smile. Thinking herself too much of a Florence Nightengale at the moment. Spike was a grown man she reminded herself. He can speak for himself. Spike smiled at her. He gave her an appreciated smile and nodded. "Yea that would be nice. I should get some sleep. Having soul boy here made me a little tired." "Ok so is there anything else you need?" She noticed the strained look on Angel's face and added "I mean since I'm going that way anyhow." Now that Spike took notice to. Angel was definatly jealous of him and he was loving it immensly. Instead of enjoying the moment like he would any other time Spike just shook his head. "No Buffy I'm fine." She disapeered out the door, her footsteps fading away. Angel went to the window and peered out at the night sky. Spike fidgeted a little and got out of bed. "There, thats better. Can't stand being in bed like an invalid." he said, crossing the room to Angel. "Anyting intresting out there?" He ask. Angel shook his head. "No, and what are you doing out of bed?" Spike grinned and returned to his bed. "I've been in this thing two days now. I'm bored out of my skull. besides, I feel guilty letting Buffy and her family look over me." Angel let out a chuckle. "Are you sure they worked on our stomach and not your brain?" Spike hopped back up in bed as best he could. Buffy come back in and gave him a very dissaproving look. "Arent you supposed to stay in bed.?"

Buffy crossed the room to Spike's side and handed him the little white pills. Angel gave Spike a humoured look. "Yea well ya see pet, if I get up and move around, I'll get out of bed faster." "And rip out those stitches too." She retaliated. "Angel? back me up here, how many times has our Slayer taken the night off cause shes all banged up?" Buffy shook her head. "Thats diffrent. I have a job to do." Angel nodded in agreement with Spike. "He has a point Buffy. How many stitches have you ripped out?" Buffy argued at Angel leaning twards Spike unintentionally. "But we arent talking about me are we? He saved my life. If it werent for him that would be me laying there. So I get some say in his recovery." She beamed proudly, thinking what she just said made sense to the two men. Spike and Angel both shook their heads at her. "Whatever you say love." He took the pills and leaned back in his spot. Angel went to the door. "I better be finding a place to stay for the night."

Buffy went over to him and stood infront of the door. "Theres room here. You can stay in Dawn's room. She can sleep in my room." Spike felt a jealous tingle run up to his heart. "Yea or you could use my place." He added. "Just don't break anything." Angel looked at Buffy and smiled. "Thats great and all. But I can't ask you to do that. I'll stay at Spike's place tonight." A wide grin crossed Spike's face. Buffy frowned. "Are you sure? Cause Dawn won't mind." Angel put a reasuring hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure. Walk me out?" She nodded and headed down the steps. "See you later Spike." Spike nodded to Angel "Later peaches. Remember, don't break anything." "Yea yea, whatever William." Angel teased.

Spike lay his head back on the pillow as his eyes faught with him to stay open. He mumbled in his sleep that night. Of past ghosts again. This time he fought to bury them somewhere safe. Somewhere that they would find peace. And then there was that other face. That one he had seen before. It was there to hurt someone. He just could not make out who it was he was standing in front of. The face was blurred. The voice was scared, and Spike was standing between it and that person before he was shoved aside, the dream ended.

His eyes opened slowly again, and he sighed. Was his new humanity a blessing, like Angel seemed to believe, or a curse? Well, no use mulling over that. Whatever it was, it was here to stay. Well, as far as he knew at least. He wondered if he ought to tell Buffy about the dreams. Maybe she'd be able to give him some insight on it. Finally though, he decided against it. She'd probably just think he was batty. Two weeks had passed since Spike had come home. He was now out of bed and doing a bit of job hunting. Buffy insisted he stay with her and her family, however he thought it best not to take advantage of the situation. Today however, Dawn was home from school early and stopped by the crypt to see if he was home. He wasnt of course. It was daytime. He barely spent any time away from the sun now. So Dawn took the liberty of raiding his fridge and watching his TV. Spike refused to leave his Crypt till he could afford to have his own apartment. Couldn't entertain Buffy in here. It was too dank and dirty for the likes of her he thought. Angel had called a few times to check on him. Since they could not get a phone put in the crypt, Buffy gave Spike the cell phone that Giles had given her. He only used it when Angel called. Oh and when he was hungry late at night. There was a great Chinese food place he had fallen in love with.

The door to the crypt swung open and all Dawn could see was the top of Spike's hair. He had his arms full of colorfull boxes. She crossed the room to help him, in turn spooking him that someone was there. The boxes went tumbling to the floor. "Bloody hell, Whos here? Oh its you little bit. Why arent you in school?" Spike scrambled to recover the boxes. Dawn rolled her eyes and gave him a shrug. "I just don't feel like it. Whats in the boxes?" Spike stood and gave her a disconcerning look. "I don't think big sis and mum will accept your reason. Come on now you can tell ol Spike." He gave her a tilt of the head and smiled. "Is it boy trouble?" There was a tease in his voice.

"NO!" exclaimed Dawn. "Its not boys. Its just that I don't feel like going is all." She crossed her arms and sat on the couch. Spike sat beside her and frowned. "You know you can't hide anything from Spike. I'm way too old, been around the block way too many times for you to fool this mate. So out with it nibblet." Spike playfully hit her in her arm. Dawn tried to stifle a smile. "It's nothing. And I'm not telling." She professed. Spike shrugged and returned to his boxes. "Right then. Be that way. But I'm not hiding you when Buffy some strolling through that door yellin' about where you been."

Dawns eyes went big. He really wasent going to help her this time. He always helped her get out of trouble. "Its a boy!" She blurted out. Turning around Spike grinned and rubbed his hands together. "Right, now were getting to the good stuff. What then? Botherin ya? Need Spike to rough him up a bit?"

Dawn laughed. "No nothing like that. Its just that I like him and he doesent know I even exist." She thought about what she just said and sighed. "Well, theres a mouthfull. I don't exsist. So why would he notice me?" Spike shook his head. "No no no. Wrong way to go about it Nibblet." Dawn rolled her eyes. "Can't you just call me Dawn?"

"Nope, not my style. Now heres what you have to do...." Spike continued to advise Dawn on boys for the next 2 hours when Buffy came in quietly for a change. "I thought she was here. Dawn come on, time for dinner." Making a pouty face she got up and went to her sister. "Thanks Spike." He nodded. "Anytime nibblet." Buffy looked confused. "Thanks? Spike's not helping you with History again is he?" She stood there with a playful disaproving look on her face. Spike and Dawn quickly said yes. "But I promise Buffy, I won't repeat any of it in school."

Buffy nodded. "Thats good. You remember last time you argued with Mr.Patterson about the cival war? And how you could not back up anything Spike had told you?" Dawn frowned. "I know. I won't tell him anymore of Spike's stories." "Good" Buffy replied. Spike realized that Buffy had not flipped about Dawn not being in school so she must not know.

"Uh Buffy? May I talk to you a second?" "Yea Spike what is it?"

Spike pulled out an envelope from his back pocket. "I uh well traded these for that ol couch and I was wonderin if you'd wanna go with me to the" He cleared his throat. "Nelly concert?" "Are you serious? Nelly? Sure I'll go." Spike's eyes betrayed his well formed and gaurded persona. "Right then, pick you up Friday at 7?" Buffy nodded, sensing his nervous state. "Sure Spike, 7 is fine." Dawn giggled at the door. "Buffy mom's waiting. We better go."

Reluctantly the Slayer turned and left the vampire to his stunned state at her agreeing to go on a date with him.

After the two women had left, Spike let out a loud "ALLRIGHT!!" with a raise of his fist in the air. Clouds started to settle in in crypt. While billowy clouds that filled every dusty corner. The blonde vampire passed out, hitting the concrete with a sickening thud. He awoke two days later, tired, achey and hungry.

Hungry for blood.