Lord, Save Us From Double Glazing Sales Men!
I can’t help it, but I get sick and tired of double glazing sales men coming round to my house six or seven times a week, and then standing there, on my doorstep, arguing with me when I say, "no thank you." What the hell is wrong with them? I know that they have a living to make, but so has the baker. The difference is, the baker doesn’t hammer on my door trying to make me buy his bread. It wouldn’t be so bad, but I already have double glazing. At least I need bread on a regular basis. This is my tribute to all those who suffer from double glazing sales men syndrome, too. I printed up lots of copies of this poem, and now, when they insist on leaving me one of their leaflets, I insist that they take one of mine! I also sent copies of it to my brother and sister, and they are doing the same thing. We’ll cure them of their argumentative nature yet. Why don’t you join in, and do the same. e-mail me if you found this poem useful at getting rid of your door-knocking fiends!
Lord, Save Us From
Double Glazing Sales Men.
By Amanda Jay Clark.
Lord, I know that all
humans are special,
In their own odd, or unique ways.
But there’s a section of society that,
I’m having trouble with these days.
I know it’s a big, big favour,
That I’m asking now, from you,
But the world will be a much better place,
If it’s a favour you’re willing to do.
Can you please rid the world of those annoying pests,
Double Glazing Sales Men?
If I’ve met a more bothersome species,
I can’t remember where, or when.
They knock on my door, then stand on the step,
All hours of the night, and day.
When I politely say "No thank you,"
The buggers still won’t go away!
They stand there, and they argue,
Trying to make me change my mind.
I say "I already have double glazing,
And it’s not the disposable kind."
"Our windows are much better,"
Is the reply I always hear.
"And they’re a much better bargain,
Though they’ll cost you twice as dear."
Then, I lose my temper,
And angrily demand,
"Is it the word "NO" or "THANKYOU,"
That you can not understand!
Then, they get all snotty,
And in a self-defensive way,
Say "Calm down will ya, Lady,
We’re just trying to earn our pay."
"So’s the baker," I snap back,
My face now an angry red,
"But he doesn’t hammer on my door,
Trying to make me buy his bread!"
It’s happening all too often, Lord.
Six, or seven times a week.
They have me cursing out loud, in tongues,
I didn’t even know I could speak.
I condemning myself to hell, Lord,
With the language they’re making me use.
When the next sales man knocks on my door,
I’m gonna blow a bloody fuse.
So, please save my soul, and my afterlife,
Save me from that fiery hell.
Please turn those pests into something else,
And away from the place where I dwell.
I’m not asking you to kill them off,
But with all your powerful might,
You can turn them into leaches, or fleas,
Or some other parasite.
I long for the day you achieve this, Lord,
I’ll owe you a huge vote of thanks by then.
I’ll be loyal, and grateful forever,
Love from Amanda. Amen.
Lord, Save Us From Double Glazing Sales Men, is protected by copyright, and remains the property of the author, Amanda Jay Clark.