The door to the dormitory creaked as it opened. Sirius brushed past it, moving from darkened stairway to the bedroom, which was lit only by the light of the waxing moon that came in from the window. Peter’s low snores resonated throughout the dormitory, punctuated by a rustling from Remus’s bed.
Silently, Sirius walked across the floor, until something light knocked against his foot and skittered across the floorboards: it was the origami Padfoot that he’d made for Remus, crushed out of shape. More evidence—as if he needed any more—that Remus was repulsed by what Sirius was doing with Joe.
As he reached his bed, he heard a creak from James’s bed.
“Lumos.”
Sirius turned round to see James sitting up and holding his wand aloft, the tip shining brightly in the dim room.
“Have you been in the Prefect’s bathroom all this time?” James asked.
“Yeah. Spying on me again, were you?” Eyeing James suspiciously, Sirius perched on the side of his bed. “You don’t mind that I’m a poof?”
“Nah, of course not.”
“Why is it such a problem for Remus?”
“You got the wrong end of the stick earlier. He—”
“James…” Remus said warningly, cutting him
off and making Sirius look up with a start.
He could see Remus lying there in the shadows, and a flash of memory
came back to him, like a kick to the gut: the fantasy of him and Remus fucking. “How did your date go?”
Sirius sat there not trusting himself to
speak. How could he have been such an
arse? Why did he let Joe talk him into
it? All that was going round his head
were imagined sensations of Remus taking him as Joe had done. Sirius began to clasp at the bed sheet, hands
twitching in agitation. The sudden
notion struck him of taking Remus, then and there in his bed, and this was followed
by a wave of disappointment as Remus’s earlier
reaction came back to him. Sirius could
feel his pent-up sexual energy from the evening’s events twisting itself up
into anger, which was all directed at Remus for being such a hypocrite.
“Sirius,” Remus prompted after several moments of silence, “James said Joe left ages before yo—”
“It’s none of your business,” Sirius snapped. “If you’re so disgusted by it, why are you so insistent about hearing the details?”
“Disgusted? I’m not disgust—”
“You could have fooled me earlier.”
“Sirius, at times you can be such an idiot!”
“Fuck you! You were the one who got me into this situation in the first place. What exactly do you expect me to do about it—suddenly change back to how things were before?”
“Will you both just pack it in?” James butted in before Remus had a chance to reply. A low snuffle and shuffling of blankets came from Peter’s side of the room. “I do not want to be stuck in a dormitory with you two at each other’s throats all the time!” He shifted to face Sirius directly. “Look, Remus isn’t homophobic. He was onl—”
“You weren’t here; you didn’t see the way he reacted.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake! Will you just listen,
Sirius?” James said, his voice nearly rising to a shout.
“James…” Remus warned again.
“Why can’t I tell him?” James asked
Remus. “At least he’d believe that you can’t have a problem with him being
gay.”
“James, I told you earlier—”
James turned back to Sirius. “Remus likes
blokes as well.”
“Stop trying to wind me up, James,” Sirius
said dismissively, trying to ignore the hope that had instantly welled up
inside him at James’s words.
“I’m not!
He really does, and not only that, it turns out—”
“James, that’s enough!” Remus suddenly
shouted.
Sirius watched as Remus shuffled uncomfortably in his bed. “Is it true, Remus?” Remus gave a slight nod of his head, and Sirius felt his lower jaw drop. He didn’t dare to let himself think that this meant Remus would be interested. But even so… “What the fuck was your reaction about earlier?” When Remus didn’t reply, Sirius glanced back at James. “Are you both taking the piss out of me, or what?”
“Would you still do anything for Remus?”
James asked quietly.
Sirius was painfully aware of just how much he would do for Remus. There was no question about his answer. With a muted voice, he muttered, “Yes.”
“Then for crying out loud, Remus,” James
said with a note of exasperation in his voice, “either tell him everything, or
just be done with it and…” Sirius frowned as James paused and smirked to
himself before continuing. “And prove that you don’t have a problem with
him being gay? Because
with his thick skull, he’s obviously not going to accept it any other way.”
“I don’t see what I can do—”
“Let him give you a blow-job,” James said blithely as he unsuccessfully tried to keep the smile from his face.
“What?” Remus and Sirius spluttered at the same time.
“If you’re as homophobic as Sirius thinks you are, then that’s something you definitely wouldn’t do. Sirius has already said that he’d do anything you asked.”
“Are you insane?” Remus shouted, jumping up from his bed. “How can you—? You know that… James, why are you doing this to me?”
Sirius watched as Remus continued to rant at James. James did have a point. Why was it such a big deal if Remus wasn’t just being a big fat hypocrite?
“So you are disgusted by the fact that I’m willing to suck another bloke’s cock!” Sirius blurted out suddenly, surprising both himself and Remus. “It’s not as if James suggested that you give me a blow-job.”
“No! I…” Remus trailed off, and he gazed at Sirius in what could only be described as fear.
“Well, as James said, why don’t you prove it?”
Remus flicked his eyes nervously between James and Sirius. “Fine…. If that’s what it will take. What about Joe?”
“We’re not exclusive,” Sirius said dismissively.
James made his way over to Peter’s bed and gave him a shove. “Come on, get up, Peter. We’re going downstairs for a bit.”
“Wha’s going on?” Peter asked sleepily from the mound of bedding he had cocooned around him.
“Don’t bother disturbing him,” Sirius said
to James, worried that having to wait around for Peter to wake up and clear out
might give Remus a chance to change his mind.
There was no way Sirius wanted to lose the only opportunity he’d have to
get this close to Remus, even if it would only be a brief acquaintance with his
cock—at the very least, it would provide a tangible memory for all the
fantasies that he anticipated having in the future. “Remus and I can go; there’ll be no one
around at this time of night.”
They walked down in an awkward silence. Reaching a darkened corner of the common room, Remus stopped and turned, looking as if he was waiting for Sirius to act.
Not knowing anything appropriate to say,
Sirius sunk to his knees.
He watched in awe as Remus’s hands rose to the waistband of his pyjama trousers and his thumbs slipped inside. The material moved smoothly over his hips, downwards, exposing a thick patch of dark curls, then the pink of his limp penis. When he reached half-way down his thighs, Remus shifted on his feet, parting his legs slightly to prevent his trousers from falling any further.
Sirius couldn’t quite believe that this was happening; he was torn between feeling elated that Remus was willing to let him do this and feeling uneasy that it was happening under such messed up circumstances. Reaching out with a tentative hand, he gently grasped the base of Remus’s cock, causing Remus to shudder. Sirius glanced up; if Remus was so fucking gay, then why the hell was he looking resolutely ahead with his hands clenched into tight fists by his sides?
Leaning forwards and determinedly not thinking about what it all meant, Sirius took Remus’s cock fully into his mouth. It tasted faintly of soap, and he buried his nose against the mass of pubes, deeply inhaling the scent of a recently-washed Remus, relishing the moment. A little unsure, he worked his way over the soft flesh with his lips and tongue, a vague sense of relief rushing through him as Remus’s cock started to stiffen and swell, soon becoming too big to fit comfortably in his mouth.
He began to bob his head over the end, rubbing at the base with his hand, his other hand drifting up over Remus’s thigh towards his balls. Even though Remus’s breathing had become decidedly raspy, he was still standing completely motionless, as if waiting for Sirius to just get it over with. Feeling disconcerted that Remus didn’t seem to be enjoying the experience, Sirius opted against taking the opportunity to run a hand over Remus’s bare arse—just in case it pushed Remus too far. Instead, he concentrated on what was already in his mouth and under his fingers, trying to memorise every last square inch, and was soon rewarded by Remus letting out a keening noise and giving a quick jerk of his hips.
The sudden movement jolted Remus’s cock up against the back of Sirius’s throat, making Sirius’s eyes water. But it didn’t put him off like he would have expected. Sirius knew then that he wanted Remus to take pleasure in him, even if it was at his expense. He needed Remus to show how much he was enjoying it. It didn’t matter if it hurt. It was worth it if it meant he was responsible for Remus losing control—if that was all he had to look back upon.
Moving Remus’s hands to the back of his head, Sirius curled the fingers tightly into his hair so they pulled at the roots. Remus immediately followed his lead and began to use Sirius’s hair as leverage, Sirius relaxing as much as he could and letting Remus do whatever he wanted with him. Sirius fought the urge to gag, feeling grateful that Remus seemed able to enjoy himself without fucking Sirius’s mouth too roughly. And then, Remus was coming, filling Sirius’s mouth with a bitter taste, cock slipping from Sirius’s lips and a smattering of sticky liquid landing across Sirius’s cheek.
Sirius sat back on his heels and wiped his face with the back of his hand, swallowing the residues of come in his mouth. He watched as Remus hurriedly pulled his trousers up before slumping backwards and leaning against the wall for support.
Remus didn’t look at him at all. Not even when Remus started to walk away towards the stairs, saying, “I feel like I should be paying you.”
Sirius winced; after all that, and Remus was still treating him like dirt.
“Why do you hate me, Remus?” Sirius asked, unable to stop his voice from breaking as he spoke.
Remus stopped and lowered his head, resting a hand on the banister. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Next time James brings up that bloody promise of yours, tell him to fuck off… or I will. I shouldn’t have forced you to go along with it. Any of it. You can say no to me; being my friend doesn’t mean you have to be my rent-boy.”
“I enjoyed doing it,” Sirius said, and he gave an awkward chuckle as Remus turned to gape at him.
“Just what are you saying?”
“It wouldn’t…. I wouldn’t mind…” Sirius groaned at himself in frustration, desperately searching for some way to admit how he felt—without scaring Remus off. “I’d…I’d do this again if you wanted me to.” Then once he had started, he couldn’t stop, and the words continued to fall from his lips. “I… I don’t have to keep seeing Joe. I’ll dump him if that’s what you want—if it makes you feel better about getting the occasional blow-job. I… I’d rather do that than have Joe. Rather have…you.”
Wordlessly, Remus walked back to where Sirius was standing, raising a trembling hand towards Sirius’s face and holding it in the air barely an inch away, making Sirius’s skin tingle at the proximity. Sirius held his breath in anticipation as the hand cupped his face and Remus leaned in, feeling Remus’s lips quiver as their mouths made contact. He didn’t dare close his eyes, afraid that Remus could bolt at any moment. Then a second hand brushed against his hair, and Sirius brought up his arms to cautiously wrap them around Remus’s waist, drawing him closer. As the length of their bodies touched, Remus shuddered in his arms, and Sirius finally let his eyes flicker shut, moaning gently and relaxing into the kiss.
“I shouldn’t have made you do it,” Remus murmured, breathing warm puffs of air over Sirius’s skin. “I just wanted you to understand: experience the prejudice from the other side…. Then I realised that you wanted to be with Joe, and I… I was… jealous….”
This was more than Sirius had ever hoped to hear, and he silenced Remus with another kiss, groaning as Remus’s hip started to rub up against his cock. Then Remus was reaching down to his trousers and making a clumsy attempt at trying to open them.
“So you’ll stop seeing Joe?” Remus whispered against Sirius’s lips as he finally loosened Sirius’s trousers enough to slip his hand inside. “I’ll be the only one who gets to do this from now on?”
“Yes… anything…”
Sirius could only moan against Remus’s shoulder as he slowly rocked his hips back and forth. This time, he didn’t have to imagine that the hand running over his body was Remus’s. This time, it really was Remus kissing his neck. Remus, who was pressed up against him. It was Remus.
***