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| Hurt Feelings + Offense = Slum Living |
| Years ago, my daddy gave me a word of wisdom. He said, "Son, the older your wife gets, the more she's going to tell you how to drive." He must have been a prophet because, lately, I've come to understand exactly what he meant all those years ago. Today, it seems like all I hear from Cathy when I'm behind the wheel is, "Did you see that on the road? Oh, did you see that on the road?!" Any little thing that I might possibly run over makes her speak up. The woman can spot ant rails a mile away! It's enough to drive a man to offense. Of course, I did run over something not long ago and busted a tire...and I did it again when I ran into a rut in the pavement. Sure, I realize that ripping out two tires in a short span of time is a lot, but give me a break. Since those two incidents, I've been getting driving tips every stinking time I get behind the wheel. Evidently, Cathyy doesn't think I can see anything now. "You know, you're always in the wrong lane," she says, right before she starts muttering about something in the road a few miles ahead. "Uh, Jesse, uh, uh, Jesse," she says, "Do you see that coming up?" It's enough to make me want to rip the wheel from the sterring column and give it to the woman, but, like I said earlier, that would be offense poking through. That would lead me right to the place where I don't want to be with Cathy - the slums! Not long ago, while we were driving in the car, I threw out a great comeback to Cathy. She saw something I was doing wrong behind the wheel, and the woman couldn't get the words out fast enough. She got all tongue tied for a moment there and muttered, "Uhh, ahh, Jess, ahh...." I shocked her so much. I said, "Jump in the back seat, mama. It will come to you!" She just looked at me with a smirk. Not long after that, I was riding behind a big truck and suddenly, the rig lost a tread from one of its tires. That big black piece of rubber was rolling on the road, and I got as close to it as I could before I jerked the car away. I did it just to hear the woman talk! She said, "I thought you were going to hit something again!" Now, I shouldn't have deliberately antagonized her, but, you know, it felt so good! I'm glad God forgives, I'm glad Cathy does too! You know, Cathy and I have the kind of realtionship where we tease each other for fun. We poke and pick at each other, but we are secure enough to laugh at each other's peculiarities without offense. But, sometimes, Cathy can do things that flat irritate me. On the other hand, I know that I can sometimes do things that just get under her skin too. There are times when forgiveness needs to flow...usually, in my direction. Cathy and I know that if we want to receive anything from each other or God, "I'm sorry" has to be in our vocabulary, and we need to exercise forgiveness. The same needs to happen when it comes to dealing with your family, friends and even people in the church. Some people think that the church should be a perfect place where nobody ever gives anyone a reason to be hurt or offended. That's the ideal, but the reality is that people aren't perfect, and the best intentions are sometimes misunderstood. Have you ever been hurt by someone in the church? Maybe you wanted to meet with the preacher after service and a decon told you to go away. Maybe a man of God didn't answer you when you called, or maybe he rebuked you for doing something out of order. If you've ever been hurt or ticked off by somebody in the church, in your family or even at your job...well, I've got something, an equation, to share with you. Hurt Feelings + Offense = Slum Living. It's as basic as 1+1=2. If you don't want to live in the slums of Christianity, and if you want to receive something from God, then you must recognize the difference between yourself before you make the turn to Slumsville. Everybody gets their feelings hurt from time to time. That's normal. But, it is what you add to those hurt feelings that determine how you will live. Stockpiling all the hurts of what others have said and done can only lead you from feeling bad to feeling worse. How do you recognize the difference betwewen hurt feelings and offense? Just check your motivation for action. If you're hurt, you will look for someone to heal you. If you're offended, you will look for someone else to hurt. People who are emotionally hurt will usually seek out help. They are still open and, like a child, they want to be healed and restored. They may seek help from their pastor and their friends. They want to talk and feel better. Offended people don't act the same way. They want somebody to feel their pain alright! They want to inflict some pain on somebody, and they're usually waiting for an opportunity to pounce. If you're probably either feeling the heat of their boiling anger or the chill of their icy reserve, but either way, you're paying the price for ticking them off! Offended people are hurt people that have taken their feelings to another level - the slum level! Many people have wronged me in my life, and I've had some of my friends ask me how I'm able to rise above it? My answer is simple. I don't want to be like them! I want to receive from God. So, if it takes releasing people for what they've said and done to me, then that's what I'm determined to do. You see, if I retaliate, which I sometimes want to do, I realize that I'm being exactly like them, and I don't like that! I don't want to be an offensive person. I don't want to have to change my residence from God-on-High to Slum-on-Low. The Bible says that I've been made the head and not the tail. I'm destined to live above and not beneath. Sure, I get hurt. People hurt my feelings, and I hav e to talk to God about it. Sometimes, I feel myself wanting to strike back too. But, when that feeling comes up, I know that I've got to get into the presence of God quickly, before I get myself into trouble! I need to be alone so that I can release my feelings and thoughts to God and then let Him help me to release those people into His care. Sometimes, I'm the one who has done the offending, and when that happens, I've found that the best two words to heal the situation are simply, "I'm sorry." II Timothy 1:13 says, "Hold fast the form of sound words..." Sometimes, when you're in the heat of the moment, you've got to hold on to those words! Sometimes, you've got to do it fast before all hell breaks loose! When you are sincere with somebody andsay "I'm sorry," it just breaks something inside of the one you've hurt. When you admit that what you said was wrong or insensitive, it brings healing. It's amazing that two little words can do so much. They can dissolve anger and tension. They can bring back a feeling of soundness and security. There are times when I just don't want to participate in an argument, even if I think I'm right. It doesn't happen often, but there are those times. Sometimes, when I'm driving in the car with Cathy and she is irritated with me, I make a qauality decision not to argue. "Cathy," I say, "I'm not going to fight you today. I am not going to do that today." The woman has found out that it's hard to argue with someone who won't argue back...and I've found that if I mix that with an "I'm sorry," I've got a much better shot at a good day too! It workd! If you think that Jesus and His disciples never hurt anyone's feelings, I'm sorry to tell you that you're wrong. There is a story in the Bible of a woman who had every reason under the sun to be offended by her encounter with the disciples and Jesus. Just read what happened to this woman! Then Jesus went out from there and departed to the region of Tyre and Sidon. And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed." But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, "Send her away, for she cries out after us." But He answered and said, "I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, "Lord, help me!" But He answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the little dogs." And she said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." Then Jesus answered and said to her, "O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire." And her daughter was healed from that very hour. Matthew 15:21-28 (NKJ) Most people would have stormed off, written an ugly letter to Jesus Christ Ministries complaining of how they were treated and spewed all sorts of bad talk to their friends and neighbors about their experience. They might have even requested counseling from their pastor. People are so easily offended today, and yet, the Bible shows us that if we want to receive from God, we've got to let things go and press on in faith. GREAT HUMBLENESS + GREAT FAITH = MIRACLE! The woman in Matthew chapter fifteen had every "right" to be offended. After all, she only wanted healing for her daughter. I'll break the passage down so that you can gain some further understanding about it. If you'll notice, the woman acknowledged Jesus' lineage before she ever told Him her child's problem. When she cried out to Jesus for mercy, she made a point of calling Him the "Son of David." Yet, Jesus didn't respond to her immediately. When He chose to be silent, the woman was given her first oportunity to be hurt and then offended. Notice that, next, the disciples complained to Jesus about the woman. They said they were tired of hearing her wailing and asked Jesus to please send her away. Since the woman was right there, you know she heard their request. Imagine what that felt like. What if you heard the deacons complain to the pastor about something you were doing? What if you overheard the deacons asking for you to be run off? How would you feel? Hurt? Angry? Would you feel that you had the right to be offended? This was the woman's second opportunity to be offended. After hearing the disciples' complaint, Jesus made a simple statement - not to the woman but to the disciples. "I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel" (Matt. 15:24). What was His point? He was supposed to complete the prophecies of the Jewish peophets before reaching out to those outside of Israel. There was a master plan in place, a very distinct order to His ministry. Again, the woman heard this comment. This was her third opportunity to be hurt and then offended. At this point, the woman could have stormed off, and most people would say she had athe right to do that, but she didn't. Instead, she did the exact opposite of what a hurt and offended person would do. She worshiped Jesus. She called Him Lord and again, made her request known. Do you know what Jesus did then? He said something that would have made most people today mad as a hornet! "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the little dogs" (Matthew 15:26). Whoa! Jesus told the woman in no uncertain terms that she wasn't allowed to partake of the covenant because she was outside of the Jewish race. It was not her time yet; it was another dispensation. Jesus had not fulfilled enough prophecies yet, and He wanted her to know that it was wrong to give her what was meant for God's chosen people. Did the woman flinch at bgeing referred to as a "little dog?" Did she take this fourth opportunity to be hurt and then offended? No! Instead, she said something so humble and faith-filled that we are still talking about it today. "Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters' table" (Matt. 15:27). This comment changed everything. "Then Jesus answered and said to her, 'O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.' And her daughter was healed from that very hour" (Matt. 15:28). This woman got her miracle because she pressed on in faith and refused to be offended. Her great humbleness and faith drew on the power of the Lord Jesus, and within an hour, her daughter was healed. Jesus didn't even have to travel and lay hands on the girl. With this kind of faith, there is absolutely no distance between God and man. With this kind of humility, persistence and refusal to be offended, the doors for miracles swing open wide! GREAT FAITH NEVER MISSES AN OPPORTUNITY. IT REFUSES DISCOURAGEMENT. What made this woman different from most people? She lived above offense, and she had the will to sieze the moment. She made a decision to keep doing the right thing in spite of conflict. "Great faith" like hers always refuses discouragement and rarely misses an opportunity. THIS WOMAN GOT HER MIRACLE BECAUSE SHE PRESSED ON IN FAITH AND REFUSED TO BE OFFENDED. HER GREAT HUMBLENESS AND FAITH DREW ON THE POWER OF THE LORD JESUS. Most people would have walked away from Jesus saying, "Forget this! Not this woman! She didn't care what it took or what people said about her. She didn't care about her status. She freely acknowledged that she didn't belong to the house of Israel. Yet, she made a point of telling Jesus that she needed help and would take whatever she could get. In her opinion, a crumb was better than nothing! This kind of attitude was in direct contrast to the "holier-than-thou" attitude of the disciples - and I believe Jesus wanted His boys to see it. What is the lesson that Jesus wanted to teach His disciples through this story? Who God honors is God's business! Even if that person seems as lowly as a dog, their faith can draw on the power of God. You see, Jesus knew that there was prejudice and arrogance among the disciples. I believe that the reason Jesus didn't say anything to the woman in the beginning of the story is because He was not looking at her; Jesus was looking to His disciples to see what they would do. Being silent, Jesus gave the boys an opportunity to speak up. Did the disciples do the right thing? Did they show their love for God and people and immediately pray with the woman? Did they handle the situation by encouraging her to have faith and only believe? NO! Instead of meeting the woman with faith, they met her with disgust. They complained about her to Jesus and wanted her dismissed. Why? They were offended by her presence. They didn't think she had the right to approach Jesus or them - she was too lowly to ask them for anything. Jesus proved the disciples wrong! Jesus taught them that even a woman of low status could receive from God. As long as she was willing to exercise "great faith," she could gain the very same blessing as a man with high status. The same faith that worked for the Jewish disciples would work for a Canaanite woman. What was Jesus doing? He was preparing them for a new dispensation - a world where salvation, through His blood sacrifice, would open the power of God to everyone, including those outside the house of Israel. IF YOU HOLD OUT ON GOD, GOD WILL HOLD OUT ON YOU. Today we live under a new covenant that gives every believer - Jew and Gentile - the opportunity to receive from God. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, we are suddenly accepted by God as His adopted children, and there is no more separation among us. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ. And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. Galatians 3:28-29 There are no "second class" citizens in Christianity. Since the work of Jesus on the cross, anyone who calls upon the name of Jesus can be saved and become an heir to the promises of God. If you're saved, then you are able to walk boldly to the throne of grace. That's a blessing and an honor, but, if you let offense cloud up your heart, you're not going to be able to receive much from God. Mark 11:26, "But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in Heaven forgive your trespasses." Don't assume that you can approach His throne of grace and receive what you need in times of help if you're holding on to offense. It isn't going to happen. If you hold out on other people, God will hold out on you. Receiving from God is about more than faith; it's about forgiving and releasing those who've hurt your, offended you and whose annoying actions and angry words have caused you to walk with a big stick! You can know a lot about the Bible and have faith for big miracles, but if you still hold offense in your heart over something a person did or said to you years ago, you're just not going to receive as quickly or as easily as you'd like. Releasing people for the things they say and do is just part of the abundant life Jesus came to give us (John 10:10). Jesus died so that we could be forgiven of oiur sins and encouraged us to forgive others as He has forgiven us. It's supposed to be part of our abundant lifestyle. What we've been freely given, we should freely give. Life just can't be abundant when it's full of hurt emotions and offense. Life is full of annoying people that nobody likes, but you've still got to love them. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself, "Look, Jesus forgave me. I'm going to forgive this person!" It's an act of your will because some people aren't just thorns in the flesh...they're complete bushes! You can get offended by just somebody's personality! Jesus' lesson to the disciples teaches you that you shouldn't just dismiss somebody who gets on your nerves. People who get under your skin aren't being used by the devil to attack you maliciously; they usually just have the kind of personality that rubs you the wrong way. They get on your nerves because you can't see past their personality into their heart. You can't see their issues or why they do what they do. Check your heart and remember that a person's skin color, rank and mannerisms don't mean anything. Even if they aggravate you, you don't have to act on every aggravated natural emotion! God has given you His Word so that you can live by something stronger and more secure than feelings. It's called faith! If someone comes your way that needs help, don't wait for someone higher in rank to do what you've got the power to do - pray for people who need prayer. Don't just ask God to take the problem person away. Pray for God to help them! That's what they need. Nobody is perfect and you may make mistakes. I do! Everybody does. But, remember that if you're saved, then you've got the very nature of God pulsing in your spirit. You were saved in a moment, but you haven't become perfect (mature) in a moment! It takes time to grow up spiritually, so you have to practice living by the Spirit. Jesus said, "Be ye holy; for I am holy" (I Peter 1:16), Holiness is part of your nature now, and Jesus wouldn't tell you to do something that you weren't able to do. Holiness is something you work on day by day. You may not make it out of the slums overnight, but you can sure point yourself in the right direction and keep on walking this out with your faith until you get there! The more you flow in this, the harder you will find it to be offended. Little by little, you'll find that you start letting offensive comments roll off of you like water on a duck's back! HOW DOES OFFENSE BEGIN? No, it doens't begin with your mother-in-law! It starts in the mind. After all, you don't act on anything unless you first think about it, even if it's just for a second. That's why evil thoughts should be intensely guarded against; they are the ultimate source of all sin and misery in the world. If somebody hurts you or angers you, guard your mind! Go to God in prayer. Don't let thought remain that will only intensify the hurt feelings. Instead, do what the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." The mnute you begin to dwell on it longer than you should, you're fertilizing something that could choke out your blessings. And, the longer you dwell on what someone did to you, the harder it will be to rip out the root of offense and receive anything form God. If you don't cast them down, those hurtful statements or situations may become a stronghold in your thought-life that will drag you into the slums and keep you from receiving God's best. Your mind isn't saved. So, even in good situations, wrong thoughts can arise. For instance, suppose you're sitting in church and the pastor recognizes a couple near to you. You like the couple. You hear the pastor say something nice about what they've done and your agree with him. Then, a little twinge of jealousy crops up and you catch yourself going from thoughts of agreement ot thoughts like, "Well, I've done a lot for this church, why doesn't he recognize me?" That is a perfect example of an imagination that has no right to stay. It's a very small hurt feeling that, if left alone, could end up as an offense. Cast those kinds of little thoughts down before they drag you to slum living! NOBODY SAID YOU HAVE TO LIKE THEM! Some think that being a Chrtistian means you have to like everybody. It's not true. Jesus didn't exactly like the Pharisees and the Sadducees, but He loved them enough to die for them. Sure, He called them snakes, vipers and hypocrites! That was just the truth! But, He also hung on a cross for their sin and said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). People are going to do things you wish they'd never do. They're going to say things you don't understand and give you every reason under the sun to get hurt and develop an offense. Don't take the opportunity! If you choose to add offense to hurt feelings, you're going to end up living in the slums of Christianity - and that's not where God wants you to be. God created you to live in the High places! He wants you to be the head and not the tail; to live above and not beneath! So, don't let what other people do determine how you're going to live. Choose to live and have God's best! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This article was authored by Jesse Duplantis and retrieved from "Voice of the Covenant" August 2003 issue. |
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| Tree Planted By The Water Publication |
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