The Fall of Steelwolf and His Rough Riders part 1


	Last updated: 12.30.2001
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PARTNERS:
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Draconian Lair

The Fall of Steelwolf and his Rough Riders

by Douglas Schonenberg aka Mylo the Kender

**Opening scene

Steelwolf and his band of intrepid rough riders cower in fear at their tower, fearing the mighty Kender Horde, led by the TRUE KING of the Rough Riders, MYLO THE KENDER!
Narrator: "Let’s listen in to the evil plan of Steelwolf to defeat the greatest kender in all the land; that paragon of virtue, the slayer of slippery serpents, the foe of the Goat King, and the Senshal for HEAD, Mylo the Kender."

Steelwolf, "I have called this secret meeting of the Rough Riders to determine a plan of defense against the coming slayer of all fuzzy things, Mylo the Kender. As we all know, I have placed a bounty on his head because I know that I am no match for his musical skills as well as his mighty hoopak of doom. I need all of my fellow Rough Riders to protect me so Mylo will not hurt me."
Phoenix: " I shall pledge myself to your cause Steelwolf as I to am afraid of the mighty Mylo the Kender. I have been attempting to drive a wedge in the Kender Horde by proclaiming Petri the Kender as the true King, but it does not seem to be working. The Kender Horde are still too strong. I do not understand why this did not work."

Narrator: "What the Phoenix failed to realize is simple biology. Petri the Kender is a female, and by definition can only be called a queen, not a king. Therefore his silly plan did not work because Mylo the Kender is quite versed in all biology, especially his own. **snickers**

Scene 2 - The Secret Headquarters of the mighty Kender Nation.

We are witnessing a secret prayer session between Mylo the Kender (senshal for HEAD), Petri the Kender (Master Manipulator and Covert Operator Extraordinare), Iky the Jester (Oracle of HEAD) and the almighty HEAD!

Mylo the Kender: "OH MIGHTY HEAD! THOU are so big and strong. Thou are the one that comforts all Kenderkind with your warmth and tenderness. Please join us and depart some HEADly wisdom."
Petri the Kender: "OH MIGHTY HEAD! Thou who I know so well. Depart upon me your HEADly techniques so I may be one with HEAD!"
Iky the Jester: "OH MIGHTY HEAD! Bring me salvation, bring me your voice, bring me a pizza, one that is my best choice."

Narrator: "As usual, the oracle of HEAD is thinking about food. No wonder there are so many starving Undead and Orcs, Iky’s expansion program is quite expansive."

All three kender close their eyes and begin to chant the sacred words of HEAD. These words have been passed down from one kender to another. No outsider from the Kender Nation has even witnessed what you are about to see. Consider yourself privileged.
All three Kender sing: "Fish HEAD, Fish HEAD. Rolly, polly Fish HEAD. Fish HEAD, fish HEAD, eat them up, YUM! In the morning, like a rolly fish HEAD. Fish HEAD, Fish HEAD, eat them up, YUM!"
Each kender places a mask of HEAD upon their heads. The mask of HEAD looks suspiciously like an Orc helm, but why quiver with such details. As the Kender sing this song 3 times they do the "Fish HEAD" tribal dance. Picture in your mind, a savant on acid trying to jitterbug and that is NOTHING like how the kender are dancing. Dance Fever here come the Kender!!!!!

Narrator: "Watching the kender dance makes me really believe that Disco is truly dead! THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!!!"

Upon the altar of HEAD, a strange mist appears, it grows until the entire room is filled with smoke.
Mylo: "*Cough Cough* Damn it Iky, you left the blower on too long again. It looks like London on a warm, spring day."
Petri: " HEY! Who just TOUCHED ME?!? How DARE YOU?"
You hear a loud smack as a hand hits a face.
Bill Clinton: "Sorry Ms. Petri, with all this smoke in hear, you felt like Monica."

Narrator: "Sorry for that really bad joke. It appears our writer has NO SENSE OF HUMOR!"

**You hear ANOTHER loud slap as another face meets another hand.**

Narrator: "Sorry all exhaulted ruler of the cosmos. I am sorry for insulting you. Please let me grovel some more so I can keep my job. I would hate to have to go back to work at the Internet Café, it SMELLS there."

A mysterious, yet familiar voice from beyond: " Well this is your FINAL warning. Next time you disrespect me I shall place my hoo…, er, I mean something REALLY long where the sun don’t shine. Now get back to your job so we can get back to the purpose of this story, MAKING FUN OF STEELWOLF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Narrator: "Yes oh exhaulted one. This unworthy one shall do his job with peek efficiency."
You see the narrator pull out his script and find his place in the story so he can continue to MAKE FUN OF STEELWOLF!!!!!
Iky: The true professional he is, does NOT forget his place and continues the story, "Look, a figure is coming through the smoke. It must be HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" All three kender look in awe at the figure that is approaching them.
Wrath SDS: "Oops, wrong game. I do not play UO anymore. Mylo beat me up and forced me to play EQ where I am safe from him. Sorry about that everyone."
Wrath SDS, returns to Norath and the really BAD GAME called Everquest.
Another mysterious figure appears amidst the smoke. One can only hope it is HEAD this time and not some stupid name from a past that nobody cares about.
HEAD: "It is I! The almighty and all-powerful HEAD! The one true GOD and ruler of everything that I can fit in my pants pockets."
Petri: " Well you DO seem to have the empty space in those pants for a lot of stuff…."

Narrator: "Once again, Petri shows her natural gift for stating the obvious."

Iky: "All mighty HEAD! Now that you are here, you must direct us to defeat Denmark and the evils in the Internet Café."
Mylo: "Wrong story Iky. That story was written a month ago. We have already conquered Denmark. Don’t you remember how we defeated those silly hummies at the internet café?"
Iky quickly pages down on the KNR message board for the story of the Kender Nation at the Internet Café.
Iky: "Oh yea. Sorry about that Mylo. Your stories all seem to be about the same thing. Saying how perfect you are, making fun of everyone else, and having you win at something that you could never win in real life."
Narrator: **Laughs**
Mylo: **A sharp look at the narrator quickly stops his laughter.**
Mylo: **Grabs the old script from Iky and gives him the correct one.**
Iky: "AH HA! This is the script I should be reading. Thanks Mylo. Once again you have saved the day! HOORAY FOR MYLO THE KENDER!"
Mylo: "Iky you are skipping to the last page of the script Iky. Save the praise of my greatness till I defeat the evil Steelwolf in a humorous way."

Narrator: "Excuse my Mr. Paragon of Virtue, but we need to get back to the story. We are going to lose our audience if we keep moving away from the plot. Everyone reading this wants to read about you humiliating Steelwolf and we need to get to that pronto before your boss comes by and makes you do some actual work instead of this crap. Its not like you can be at lunch all day."

Mylo: **Remembers that he has to get back to work shortly quickly heads back to the story.**
Mylo: "Ok HEAD. Now that you are here, you can help me with my dilemma. It seems that Steelwolf has not come to the understanding that I am the true King of the Rough Riders. In fact, he wants to send his silly riders after me. This is no way to treat a king. HEAD, what should I do to show Steelwolf that I am truly his leader and not Petri?"
Petri: **Looks at the mysterious words floating over her head that says she is the "King of the Rough Riders"**
Petri: "But Steelwolf is right, see these mysterious words over my head say I am the King of the Rough Riders. NANANANANA!"
HEAD: "Well the first thing you should do is change those words above Petri’s head."
HEAD: **HEAD recalls himself to the guildstone of the Kender Nation and accesses the guild leader functions. He changes the words above Petri to read, "King of tAv". HEAD then recalls back to the hall of HEAD.**
Petri: **Notices that she is now the KING of tAv.**
Petri: "Wow! Look at this Mylo, I am now the KING of tAv. I can’t wait till I tell Lady Fate and Parcival that."
Narrator: "Petri runs off to the world of Dracs to take over her new kingdom. Oh the mighty webs we weave, when we trick Petri to leave.…………"

Mylo: "That was a great idea HEAD. Now that Petri is out of the way, I can conquer the Rough Riders and claim my throne. BTW, how CAN I do that?"
HEAD: "Well to do that you will need the assistance of an enlightened race. After all, to defeat horse riders, you must become one yourself. And I have JUST the place for you to go."
Narrator: "HEAD mutters some strange mystic words that do not contain the words CORP or POR and transports Mylo to a secretive land."

Iky: "HEAD, now that we are alone, could you explain to me the theory of metaphysical spatial quantum mechanics and how they relate to the universal effect of all creatures great and small?"
HEAD: "No problem Iky. Now that Mylo is gone, we can have an intellectual conversation. Boy Mylo has the brains of a salad."

Narrator: "The scene ends as Iky and HEAD discuss the laws of the universe. Who knew that Iky was the brains in the Kender Nation???"

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