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The Church of HEAD
part 2
The Beginning
It was approximately 200
years ago in the far away land known as Egad. There the evil empire known as
Eggypt enslaved a group of Kender. The Kender were forced to build grand temples
in the name of the King of the Eggypitans, Parcian the slow.
The Eggypitans were very cruel to the Kender slaves, never letting them travel
anywhere, not leaving any objects for the Kender discover, forcing them to wear
drab clothing and unbreakable chains about their wrists and ankles.
The Kender were miserable as their days were spent working manual labor. Neither
songs nor stories of any kind were permitted to the Kender. Each night the
Kender would collapse in their tents, exhausted beyond belief.
"Why has thou forsaken us great creator?" The Kender would wonder.
"Why are we
forced to work for humans?" "When are we going to be free from this
tyranny?"
Their salvation would come from an unknown and truly lucky Kender, Damon
Notlock. A Kender who was short in stature, but long in imagination.
The Question is asked
While working in the quarry
for yet another day in his boring existence, Damon Notlock wondered how he would
ever be free from his slavery.
"My back is killing me. This manual labor is not for me. My nails
desperately need a manicure and my hair needs a good styling. **Damon notices
his reflection off a puddle of water at his feet.** And look at this, I am
getting WRINKLES! GAH, this is just too much. I have GOT to do something before
I turn as ugly as an ogre."
As fate would have it, at the exact time he is thinking this, a thunderstorm
erupts over the encampment. The humans quickly seek shelter, without a care for
the Kender slaves who are not allowed to stop working. During
the fierce storm, a lightening bolt strikes the chains around Damon's wrists and
ankles, freeing him. Thinking quickly, Damon drops his tools and runs off into
the surrounding forest. While running for his freedom, Damon fails to see where
he is going and he runs into a bush.
"Oof. That hurt. Stupid bush, why don't you get out of my way!" Damon
says as he kicks the bush.
"HEY! Don't kick me Kender. Otherwise I won't help you." The bush
says.
A shocked Damon says, "Wow! A talking bush? I found a talking bush?
Incredible."
"Shut up Kender and listen. You must free your fellow Kender from their
unjust imprisonment." The bush says.
"Why me Mr. Bush? I was lucky enough to free myself with no help from
anyone else." Damon says.
"Don't lie to me Kender! I know all about the lightening freeing you so
don't cop an attitude with ME!" the bush answers.
Damon gasps at this. "Wow! You know everything MR. Bush. You must really be
special! I shall worship thee bush. **bows down into the dirt before the bush**
How may I serve thee?"
"Now Kender, I want you to return to Egad and get an audience with Parcian
the slow. You will ask for the release of all Kender or the Egadians will be
punished. You will lead the Kender to the promised lands, known as
Sosaria." The bush says.
"In case of trouble, take this mighty magical artifact and throw it down at
the feet of Parcian." The bush pulls of a branch and hands it to Damon. The
branch looks like a long staff.
"Hmm. Thank you for this gift of a branch Mr. Bush. I shall treasure it
always." Damon mutters to himself what a stupid gift a piece of wood is.
"I HEARD THAT KENDER! That is not a normal piece of wood, it is a hoopak. A
mighty weapon." The bush says.
"A Hoopak? Whatever you say bush, but I still think it is nothing more than
a big stick." Damon answer.
Before leaving
for Egad, Damon puts on a disguise consisting of a fake gray beard and a gray
wig. He dons an orange robe. Looking more spiritual, with hoopak in hand he
heads off to Egad and his destiny.
Let my People GO!
Damon Notlock returns to
Egad with absolutely no fanfare. Thanks to his disguise, nobody recognizes him
as the escaped Kender slave. Damon makes his way over to the castle of Parcian
the slow. Fortunately, today is the day that all citizens of Egad have the
opportunity to speak with Parcian and ask him a question.
Damon gets in line behind the dozens of other Egadians. After four hours
standing in line, Damon finally gets his chance to speak.
"Bow down and show the proper respect for your king citizen and speak your
question." A guard standing next to the King says.
**Damon bows down and then speaks.**
"My'lord I have come before you to ask you to free my people. The Kender
slaves must be allowed to leave Egad and search for their own place."
**A loud roar of rage erupts from the King as he can not believe that someone
would ask him to free slaves.**
"How dare you citizen ask for the slaves to be freed. They are worthless
Kender, and they deserve their fate. Besides why should you, an Egadian, care
about the Kender?" Parcian says.
Damon removes his wig, showing his topknot to the king and his guards. "I
am Damon Notlock, the Kender slave that escaped your cruelty. And I have come
back to free my people. So Parcian the slow, LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!!"
An arranged Parcian, angered beyond belief at the gall of this escaped slave
says, "You stupid Kender. You will pay for talking to me this way.
Eggymorta drag this slave to the dungeon."
**A guard called Eggymorta moves from the King's side and approaches Damon.**
"Nay I say Eggface. You do not understand the power I have been given. See
this stick, er I mean mighty Hoopak, **Holds up the branch he received from the
bush.** This mighty hoopak will destroy you if you don't apologize to me at
once."
**All the Egadians start laughing at the stupid Kender and his magic stick.**
Angered at a joke being told, without telling him about it Damon throws the
hoopak onto the ground. As luck would have it, the stick lands on a loose tile
on the floor of the palace. This tile breaks and shows a hole underneath it.
Inside this hole lives a group of happy slippery serpents that were about to
settle down for dinner when their roof opened up. Angered at having been
disturbed, the slippery serpents leave their home and pour our into the palace.
"Ack! Run, slippery serpents have come to slime us. Run for your
lives." An Egadian yells out.
The Egadians, run for their lives as they are all afraid of snakes, leaving
Parcian the slow, trapped on his throne. The slippery serpents surround the
fearful king.
"DAMON HELP ME PLEASE! Get these slippery serpents away from me before they
slime me." The scared Parcian pleads.
"Only if you free the Kender from their enslavement Parcian the Slow.
Otherwise I will throw my mighty hoopak down again and bring forth more
snakes." Damon says.
"OK Kender, you win. The Kender are now free." Parcian tosses the key
to the Kender's cuffs to Damon.
Damon catches the keys and starts to leave the room.
"Wait Damon. You said that you would get rid of these slippery serpents if
I freed the Kender so please save me." Parcian wails.
Thinking quickly, Damon pulls out a lute and starts to play. Having no training
at all, Damon plays horribly. The slippery serpents can not stand the terrible
music and to escape its terrible sound turn and kill each other, thinking it
would be better to be dead then to listen to the music.
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Fan art by Wolfen Moondaughter! Fanfiction by Romesh updated! Vote for me below!
