| To Be Desired Chapter 5 Hiding feelings never gets you anywhere So tell your secret love that you really care If they turn away and pretend that they can't see Remember, that maybe it just wasn't meant to be We walked out of my room together. Everyone was still there, they looked up at us as we walked in. I dropped my step and walked directly behind Paul. I felt like an annoyance. Paul sat down on the couch and I slumped into the spot beside him. Silence. I cleared my throat �Thank you Mr. Epstein, I�m sorry I�m such an annoyance� I said. He smiled. �You aren�t an annoyance� Brian said reassuringly. I laughed loudly. �That was a good one� I said still laughing. Everyone smiled. �Well, you know what I mean� He said getting up. �Thanks again though� I said seriously. �Sure Thing� He said smiling before he walked towards the door with Neil, Mal was nowhere to be found. I sat on the couch staring at the floor while the others talked. �Gear Necklace� Paul Said to me from nowhere. �Hmmm?� I asked looking over to him sitting kind of next to me. �Gear Necklace� He repeated looking at my neck. My hand flew up to my neck and touched my necklace. It was the one I made. I had taken one of my black Fender guitar Picks, printed a black and white picture of Paul, cut out his head in the right shape, pasted it onto the pick, and put a gloss over it to keep from ruining or whatever and put it on a small black cord. I rubbed it between my index finger and my thumb while I blushed and looked down again. �Thanks� I said. �I made it� I added as I held it up to my chin. �I like it� he said smiling. �You would� I said laughingly. He smiled wider. � I always wear it� I added. �It means to me� I added smiling. �Means what?� He asked confused. �It just means� I said. He nodded though I�m not sure he actually understood me. �What are you on about?� John asked. �Sarah�s Necklace� Paul said looking over at John. Oh, God now everyone is going to know I love Paul...Fabulous. I sighed and took it off. I handed it to John. He squinted at it and brought it closer to his face. �Ooooo� He said after figuring out who was on the necklace. �Someone�s got a crush on Paulie� He added in that sing song voice...you know what I�m talking about. I snatched the necklace away from him and bent over to get my hair out of the way to put it back on. I stood back up and glared at John with one eye slightly narrowed. �Lucey�s got a crush on Paulie� He sang again. �Shut Up, You nit!� I said. �Ooooo Touche Touche� He said. I glared again. He smiled. �Lucey�s got a crush on-� I took a pillow and flung it at his head. �Hey!� He said. �What?� I asked sitting back down. �Why�d you do that?� He said throwing the pillow back at me. �Take a wild guess� I said hugging the pillow to my chest. �I bet you wish that pillow were Paul don�t you?� He asked slyly. �Grr It�s you� I said to Paul who was smiling. �You HAD to bring up the necklace� I said half joking. �Awww, Paulie, Now she doesn�t love you anymore!� John said sadly. �Oh My God� I said exasperated. I stood up and walked to me room. �Goodbye� I said before I walked in and shut the door. I turned on A Hard Day�s Night and sat on my bed. A little while after I heard a knock on the door. �Come in� I said over the music. Paul walked in the room. Oh great. �Hey Paul, What�s up?� I said coolly. �I came to tell you we are leaving in about an hour and a half.� He explained. �And I Love Her� started. �You should-� He started. �Shh� I interrupted. I loved �And I Love Her�! It might even be my fave but it�s hard to choose. I sat and listened. During the instrumental part Paul spoke �You like this song?�. I nodded and smiled. The song finished. �OK� I said laughing. I turned the CD player off. He smiled. �You should probably get your things ready� He said. I nodded. �OK then� I said smiling. �Need help?� He asked looking around the room. �Actually I have everything packed already...just need to put my shower crap in the suitcase.� I explained. �Thanks for asking though� I added. �No problem� He said getting up. �Just bring your stuff out there when your done� He said walking towards the door. �Alrighty then� I said as he walked out of the room. I put my stuff in my suitcase and zipped it all up. I looked throughout the room to make sure nothing was left behind and then dragged my cases out into the common room. I set them down next to the couch and looked around. No one was out here but I could hear them talking in various rooms. I looked over the room and saw an upright piano. Whoa I didn�t see that before. I went over and sat down at the bench. I practiced a few chords and stuff then started playing �Particular Time� by Alanis Morisette. My friends said I sounded like her. I sung the words with feeling...this was my favorite Alanis song. My foundation was rocked My tried and true way to deal was to vanish My departures were old I stood in the room Shaking in my boots At that particular time love had challenged me to stay At that particular moment I knew not run away again That particular month I was ready to investigate with you At that particular time We thought a break would be good For four months we sat and vacillated We thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding At that particular time love encouraged me to wait At that particular moment it helped me to be patient That particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant At that particular time I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself And yet I wanted to save us high water or hell And I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt And in the meantime I lost myself In the meantime I lost myself I'm sorry I lost myself� I am You knew you needed more time Time spent alone with no distraction You felt you needed to fly Solo and high to define what you wanted At that particular time love encouraged me to leave At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me That particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left At that particular time I finished the song slowly and loud clapping burst out behind me. Oh shit. I stood up quickly and the bench tottered and fell on its side with a thump. I put my hand to my forehead and ran it through my hair as I turned around quickly. Paul, John, George, and Ringo were standing there grinning. �That was beautiful� Paul said. �yeah� they all agreed. �Thanks� I said blushing. I turned around and set the bench up right. I turned back around. �So can you play anything else?� Paul asked expectantly. I nodded. �Oh Yeah� I grinned. �I can play guitar too you know� I added. �You can?� He asked seemingly surprised. I nodded with that look in my eye. �Uh huh� I said. �Wow� He said. �You have a great voice you know� He added. �Thanks� I said. �So do you� I added. �Thanks� he said. �Oh, Your welcome� I said over enthusiastic. I smiled and walked back to the couch and sat down. �When we leaving?� I asked. Paul looked at his watch. �Soon� He replied as he sat down. Just then the door opened and Brian came in with Neil and Mal. �OK� he said. �Ready?� He asked everyone. We all nodded. �OK then� He said looking over the room. �Let�s go� Neil said. I grabbed my cases and Paul took one away. �I�ll get that� He said as he only had one case. �Thanks� I said. What a gentleman. I love it! lol. We walked through the back and got into a black limo while mal put the cases away. The limo was nothing like the limos of today but it was pretty nice. Even with out the 3 tellys and huge stereo system and mini bar and soft leather seats of the new ones it still got you there in style. We got out onto the motorway headed for LAX. Chapter 6 Home This is copyrighted by Sarah Lucey 2002 and can not be reproduced in any way without permission. Permission may by obtained by E-mail. |
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