I've been feeling a little depressed lately, and I don't really know why.
I still see myself as FAT. Even though I'm in smaller clothes, I still see myself as that "fat" person I was before. I keep telling myself that once I get down to a normal size, it will be better. I hope that is true. Right now, I'm in a size 16 and some size 14, but I didn't spend all this money to be satisfied with that.
To top it off, I've had head hunger really bad lately, and I'm having trouble fighting the urges to eat snacks. I was doing really well at not eating carbs (bread, chips, pasta, etc.) and sweets, but the past couple of days I've eaten a few things that had too many carbs. As a result, my scale actually moved up 1/2 a pound, which I DO NOT like at all. Tonight I ate a few chips with queso and salsa. Also, I gave into the urge to try a bite of a Mounds bar. After taking one bite, though, I threw it away b/c I did not want to go down that path. I'm kind of upset that 1 bite did not give me dumping syndrome. I know there wasn't enough sugar in that one bite to make me have dumping syndrome, but I wish it had. That would make it easier for me to resist next time.
I also drank a soda last night, which I did not really enjoy. The only reason I drank it was because I need the caffeine to keep me awak, but I still don't like the idea of ingesting all those unwanted calories.
Also, I've been eating a lot of beef lately, which is high in fat. I started eating it to get the protein, but I think the fat is just as bad. I wish I was a better/more creative cook so that I could figure out how to make foods that are delicious, high in protein, and low in fat & carbs. Actually, I don't have enough money to be creative. I have a very good cookbook with recipes for WLS patients, but the recipes all require several ingredients, which take time and money - two things I don't have very much of.
I'm so tired of being in grad school, and I'm SO ready for it to be over --- 2 more months to go. However, before it can be over, I have a hundred papers, projects, and tests to get through. I have MAJOR last-semester-itis :-) I want to go out & have fun with my friends, have time to work out & cook good meals, and have a life. I've had this great surgery that has made me no longer satisfied with sitting at home alone every night; yet, my schoolwork is preventing me from getting out as much as I want.
Well, I guess that is enough ranting and raving for now. "This too shall pass."
Angela and I went to the Greenday Concert last night. It was sooooo much fun! Click on the picture below to see the photo album I've made with the pictures from last night :-) |
