buffy

Anya: What a day. Gimme a beer.
Bartender: I.D....I.D.
Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!
Bartender: I.D.
Anya: Gimme a Coke.

Xander: Uh, no worries. I can handle the Oz Full Monty. I mean, not 'handle' handle, like 'hands to flesh' handle.
Willow: Okay. Well, it's not for you. It's for me, 'cause I'm still getting used to half a Monty.
Xander: Oh. Good. Half? You and Oz? Which half?
Willow: Wouldn't you like to know?

Harmony: What the heck is this? Who is�
Oh wait, I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Droodzilla. Well, you'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always � no threesomes unless it's boy-boy-girl. Or Charlize Theron.

Willow: This is creepy. I don't like the thought that there's a vampire out there that looks like me.
Xander: Not looks like. Is.
Buffy: It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix....As far as we know.
Willow: Oh, right. Me and Oz play 'Mistress of Pain' every night.
Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
Buffy: Oh, yeah.

Willow: Would that mean we have to snuggle?
Evil Willow: What do you say? [she licks Willow's neck] Wanna be bad?
Willow: This just can't get more disturbing.

Giles: It's extraordinary.
Willow: It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. [aside to Buffy] And I think I'm kinda gay.

Spike: "You know why I really hate you, Summers?"
FiB: "'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?"
Spike: "Well, yeah, that covers a lot of it."
FiB: "'Cause I can do anything I want, and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness? I mean, I could be rich. I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you would beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? (pauses) Because it's wrong."

Tara: Whatever, you know, happens. I'll still be here. I'll still be your friend.
Willow: Of course, we'll be friends. That's not even a question.
Tara: But I'm saying, I know what Oz means to you.
Willow: How can you, when I'm not even sure? I mean, I know what he meant to me. But he left, and... everything changed. I changed, and then we �
Tara: What?
Willow: I don't know. I just � life was starting to get so good again, and... you're a big part of that. And here comes the thing I wanted most of all, and... I don't know what to do. I want to know, but I don't.
Tara: Do what makes you happy.

Willow: Tara, I have to tell you �
Tara: No, I understand. You have to be with the person that love.
Willow: I am.
Tara: You mean...
Willow: I mean. OK?
Tara: Oh, yes.
Willow: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. And I'm going to make it up to you, starting right now.
Tara: Right now? (She blows out the candle.)

Tara You still need an elective. How about... sophomore-level psychology?
Willow: Oh... kinda psyched out since Professor Walsh. Maybe something fun, like drama. I could be dramatic. (To Miss Kitty Fantastico) "You cannot have more catnip! You have a catnip problem."
Tara: Definitely drama.

Buffy: This is stupid.
Xander: Stupid. So you finally had the guts to say it to my face.
Buffy: I didn't say you were stupid. So stop being an idiot and let me fix this.

Willow (fighting with Buffy): We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend.
Xander (to Buffy and Willow): No! It was bad before that! Since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to � Tara's your girlfriend?
Giles (from upstairs): Bloody hell!

Tara: I was just afraid that if you saw the kind of people I came from, you wouldn't wanna be anywhere near me.
Willow: See, that's where you're a dummy. I think about what you grew up with, and then I look at what you are � it makes me proud. It makes me love you more.
Tara: Every time I'm... even when I'm at my worst, you always make me feel special. How do you do that?
Willow: Magic.

Buffy: Are you okay in that?
Willow: It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe. [notices her cleavage] Gosh, look at those.

Buffy: The Watchers Council shrink is heavy into tests. He's got tests for everything. T.A.T.s, Rorschach, associative logic...He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or you ever wanted to be a florist.
Willow: Ooo, I used to want...Wait. Florist means crazy, right? I never wanted to do that.

Anya: For a thousand years I wielded the powers of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking math.

Willow: No, it's fine. I'm 'Old Reliable'.
Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
Willow: That's Old Faithful.
Xander: Isn't that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot...
Willow: That's Old Yeller.
Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me.

Willow: That, that-that wasn't just some temporal fold, that was some weird Hell place. I-I don't think you're telling me everything.
Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in Hell?
Anya: Look, we'll just try it again, and...
Willow: No! I-I think emphatically not!