Chapter
One: Farewell To Fame
Devoured by the one thing that I hold so dear- manifested in a gaze so
enchanting and undeniable. An unyielding pain and love cutting short all of the
dreams romanticized in my head. Am I wrong to feel this way, helpless and
trapped, by a product of my own accord? I lie awake yet close my eyes praying
for a better tomorrow…
The tip of the black ballpoint pen etched words across the unlined cream-colored
pages of her journal as a light breeze spun around her. Tendrils of her long
hair danced around her face and tickled her skin as she wrote out the feelings
that she was afraid to share with anyone else. She was overwhelmed with guilt
and a sense of duty with no means to release what she was holding deep inside.
Her eyes closed as she felt the beginning of tears forming and she took in a
deep breath before releasing the air in her lungs and continuing the movements
of the pen across the paper.
Dripping wet from the shower, Justin emerged from the bathroom into the bedroom
with one towel wrapped precariously around his strong hips and the other in his
hands as he dried his hair. Curious as to where his wife was he paused and
surveyed the room before noticing the door leading to the balcony slightly ajar.
Licking his bottom lip, he tossed the towel he was drying his hair with back
into the bathroom, and made his way to the door. There, Camille sat, on the
balcony on one of two chairs furiously writing into her journal.
She appeared to be completely detached from the world as she wrote and for a
long while he just stood there, leaning in the doorway, watching her release her
emotions into the book. Her long slender legs were tucked away to her side
peeking out from under his button-down shirt that she was wearing for bed. As
sad as she was she was still beautiful to him but her depressed mood was taking
a toll. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually seen her smile
genuinely.
“Babe, are you coming to bed?” He finally asked after countless minutes of
silent observation of the woman that he loved.
The furious speed of the pen traveling along the paper came to a halt and
Camille looked up to see him standing in the doorway. Tiredly she forced a warm
smile and nodded her head that she would be there. Looking down at the floor
beneath his feet, Justin accepted her muted reply, and trailed off back into the
room to leave her to finish her writing.
He knows me better than possibly I even know myself but still he holds no
answers for me. We’ve discussed and argued over the best course to take and
though we have both decided what must happen neither of us is overjoyed at the
resolution. He’s better at hiding his emotions than I am. I wish I had his
strength.
Scribbling down her signature Camille closed her book and took in another deep
breath of the late night Californian air. Her eyes took in the landscape
surrounding their home and the stars that shown brilliantly in the sky. After
saying a silent prayer in her head she finally rose from her seat and traveled
back into the bedroom closing the glass doors behind her.
“I already checked on Erykah so you don’t have to go anywhere,” Justin’s
voice caught her as she started for the door to go to the nursery to make sure
that their newborn baby was still sleeping soundly. “Just come to bed,
okay?”
Camille nodded her head and retraced her steps back into his direction as he
removed the towel from his hips and slid into a pair of pajama pants. Opening
the drawer to her nightstand she dropped her journal and pen inside and closed
it as Justin set about turning off all of the lights and setting the alarm
clock. Once all tasks were completed he turned down the sheets and comforter so
that they could both climb into bed together.
“Are you afraid to talk to me about the way that you’re feeling?” he
questioned as they both lay on their backs staring up at the ceiling.
“No,” she replied and adjusted the sheets under her arms wearily. “Why do
you think that?”
“I know that you’re a writer or whatever and you’re used to channeling
everything into you music through your lyrics but, honestly, you’ve been
putting so much into your journal as of lately instead of just talking to me
about things like you used to.”
“So you think that I don’t talk to you?”
“Baby,” Justin shifted onto his side and propped his head up in his hand,
“I know that with everything that is going on right now we’re both feeling a
little shell-shocked but we have to be there for each other to get through this.
I don’t know about you but I know damn well that I need someone to listen to
me when I’m hurting.”
“I’m so scared,” Camille confessed in the darkness of the bedroom. Justin
moved carefully to lie over her and cupped her head in his hands staring down
deep into her wide eyes. “I’ve never been so afraid of anything in my life
– besides losing you – and the fact that I’m so scared right now scares me
even more.”
“I don’t want you to feel that way,” he whispered back to her, kissing her
lips slowly so that every movement sent butterflies into her stomach.
“You’re never going to lose me, okay? Whatever happens right now is just
something that we have to deal with together.”
“Justin, tomorrow I’m just supposed to be on, you know? I have to give my
all in this interview when I feel like I’m only a shell of myself. What am I
supposed to say?”
/*/*/…////
“How strange is this for you right now? For years you have done nothing but
work, work, work, and now it’s all coming to an end.” Gary Smith sat before
the cameras with his guest on his syndicated self-titled talk show. “How does
that make you feel?”
In the years following his groundbreaking interview with Justin and Camille
Timberlake he had gone on to achieve many successes. His talk show on NBC had
rave reviews and celebrities of all walks stopped in on a daily basis to allow
him to bring the truth of what their lives really were to the public. Overnight
he had become the toast of daytime television and was on a level with the likes
of Barbara Walters and Oprah Winfrey.
“I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’m not scared because I am.
I’m terrified of what could happen when I take this break and eventually
return to music.” The young woman sitting to his side on a cream-colored sofa
answered, tucking her long sun-kissed brown hair behind her ears. “Performing
is all I know but at the same time I’m a wife and mother. I have three
children that I need to raise with my husband. That takes precedence in my life
above all things.”
“Do you wonder about the fans and if they’ll still be there when you decide
to come back to the stage?”
“Oh, I think about that every single day. It’s hard, in this industry, to
keep the attention of the fans because things are always changing and evolving
but at the same time I think that I have a very faithful group of people behind
me. They understand that in order for me to grow and to become a better artist
that I need to live more of my life and go through more experiences.” Camille
explained. She was trying as hard as she could to keep a straight face and not
allow her emotions to show. Walking away from all of this was much harder for
her than she was letting on. “I was eighteen when all of this success happened
for me but I had been preparing for it to happen since I was ten. I’m at a
different point right now. I need that time to reassess things and to find out
who I am and what I want to say.”
////…/*/*/
“Justin, who am I if I’m not performing?” she questioned as he moved her
legs apart with his knees and positioned himself between them while forming lazy
circles along her neck with his tongue.
“You’re my wife,” he exhaled while undoing the buttons of his shirt that
she was wearing and helping her out of the thin material, “the mother of our
children, and the only person in this world that’s going to be able to break
your sound scan record when you release another album.”
“How do we know that I’ll be able to release another one?”
Justin stared at her incredulously as she helped him out of his pajama pants
that had been pointless for him to put on in the first place and swallowed hard
once her eyes came back to his. “It’s what you do, Camille. It’s who you
are and nothing, not even this situation, can separate you from the person that
God intended you to be.”
/*/*/…////
“Now, with this album that you’ve just released, Evolutions, every song
seems to capture so much emotion and hold importance. Every album that you have
ever released has debuted at number one on the charts, Evolutions is no
different, but the sales on this are astronomical! People are flocking to the
record stores to buy it and this tour…nothing like this has ever been done
before. It’s never been fathomable.”
“Being up there on that stage and connecting with all of those people is what
I live for. I was born to do this and I owe them so much. They put me up on this
pedestal and even though it is so much pressure to be under I’m not backing
down from it. I give the fans the best of me each and every time that I go out
there and by this being my last tour I’m giving them all that I’ve got. I
don’t want them to think that this love affair is over. It’s just on
hold.”
“Love affair,” Gary nodded his salt and pepper colored head of hair, “that
is truly the type of relationship that you have with the public at large,
Camille. You’ve always been honest and had no bars held in bearing your soul
through your art. Not having you around, even if for a little while, is going to
be a major blow in the music world. So many up and coming artists look up to you
and aspire to achieve your sort of monumental success.”
“I’m not about to die or anything, Gary!” Camille couldn’t help but to
laugh which instantly lightened the somber mood of the interview. She was almost
positive that she had heard the audience release a sigh of relief. “I’m
still going to be out there doing me, you know? Music is on hold because touring
would be impossible for me right now so I’m going to just stop for a while
with that but acting? I’m still going to be doing movies.”
“What makes movie-making and music-making different?” The older gentleman
inquired.
“It’s the time schedule. When I release an album I have to be all over the
world promoting and showcasing my work. With movies I’m in one place for about
four or five months, my kids can be there, and then its back home. I do three or
four movies premieres tops, you know? I love acting and I love music but I
physically cannot do both right now on the side of parenting and being a wife.
The pace with my music career is just too much to handle currently.”
////…/*/*/
Their bodies intertwined in an erotic dance of love, lust, urgency, and the need
to make all of the problems in the world disappear if only for a moment. Skin
plastered to skin with sweat mixing in with tears, hungry mouths devouring both
tanned and brown skin, lips meeting and tongues exploring to result in a
dizzying and heady experience. Quiet moans and whimpers echoing throughout the
body as the pressure mounts and then…
/*/*/…////
“So what is there really left to say?” Gary’s voice was quite and curious
as he observed the disconcertedness of a woman that he had always known to be so
sure of everything.
////…/*/*/
Camille’s arms locked around Justin’s shoulders as tightly as they could as
they reached their peaks together sending them both to a place where all of
their pain, confusion, and doubts could be numbed out by merely touching each
other. Her legs began to relax and settle back down onto the bed and her death
grip on him lessened. Weakly, Justin rolled off of her and onto his back drawing
her over so that right side of her body came to rest over his left. Gingerly his
fingers traced the line of her thigh draped over his stomach while the other
hand rubbed her neck and shoulders. They both began to breathe deeply together,
eyes closing and betraying them, as sleep took over their tired bodies.
/*/*/…////
Camille shook her head regretfully before staring into the cameras and into the
souls of all of the viewers in the country that were tuning in, “Goodbye…”
////…
“Alright everybody, this is a very special song for me right here that I want
to sing for you!” Camille announced as she stood center stage taking in all of
the cheers and adoration of her diehard fans that had spent days waiting in line
to get tickets for her final concert dates. She looked like quite the vixen in
her royal purple leather strapless top and tie-fly pants. Figure-wise, you would
have never been able to tell that she was the mother of three. “This song is
for you! You and my baby!”
The music began to play and instantly the charismatic star was moving to the
medium tempo with her eyes closed getting sucked into the moment. A lot of the
younger fans and teenagers were mimicking her subtle but sensual dance movements
in their rows. She had a legion of young women that aspired to be just like her.
Once she heard her music cue she paused only long enough to adjust her earpiece
and bring the microphone up to her lips then let the lyrics flow out from her
soul.
With every passing moment
Thoughts of you run through my head
Every time that I'm near you
I realize that your heaven sent, baby
Two of the three large screens behind Camille were suddenly filled with images
of her with fans, home videos, and clips of her with her family. The main screen
remained focused on the actual performance and the crowd went wild with the
inside view of their favorite superstar’s life. Every scene shown of her and
Justin together with their kids or just alone together incited louder cheers.
I think you’re truly something special
Just what my dreams are really made of
Let's stay together you and me boy
There's no one like you around
Oh Baby
Extending her arm and pointing at the members of the audience she began singing
the pre-chorus of the song so that they knew that her words were meant for them.
As Justin observed from backstage he wondered just how she could make a stadium
full of screaming fans feel like an intimate setting. It was obvious that every
single person felt a connection with her. As long as he had been performing he
didn’t have that much crowd control.
I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it; I'm so into you
I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it; I'm so into you
Camille froze in the middle of one of her dance moves with her dancers and
winked at one of the kids in the front row whom proceeded to have a panic
attack. She smiled and began rolling and bouncing her shoulders to the music
again. One of her male dancers moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
They moved wonderfully together.
It could be the way that you hold me
It could be the things that you say (that you say)
Oh I'm not too sure what it is boy
But I know I like feeling this way, hey, oh
I think you’re truly something special (truly something special)
Just what my dreams are really made of
Let's stay together you and me boy
There's no one like you around
Oh Baby
“Sing the chorus, y’all!” she shouted, standing on the end of the stage
and holding her microphone out so that it would pick up the voices of her fans
singing along to the song. None of them missed a beat and most were on key. The
young woman that had captured the heart of the world smiled proudly and closed
her eyes letting their energy surround her.
I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it; I'm so into you
I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it; I'm so into you
Oh, I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it; I'm so into you
I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it; I'm so into you
The singing audience seemed to fall into a hush as Camille brought the
microphone up to her lips to sing the bridge of the song. They were all in
complete awe as she sang and Justin suddenly felt like he was in the same place
with them as he watched. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her and all at once
the realization of their decision really settled upon him. The life that they
cherished together was also the life that was taking her away from her true
calling. How was this possibly going to work out in the end for the better?
I really like
What I feel when I'm with you
You’re a dream come true (oh, yeah)
Don't you ever leave my side (oh, no)?
‘Cause it feels so right…
“The hardest thing in the world for me to do is say goodbye to you.” Camille
stated, standing between all of her dancers center stage with their arms all
linked around each other’s backs. “I honestly don’t know how I’m going
to do it because I can’t stop singing and I can’t stop performing for you.
You mean the world to me.”
The audience reaction was overwhelming as many of the fans shouted out her name
with pleas for her not to take a break from the music. The tears were sliding
down her cheeks like torrents of rain and all she could do was stand there. All
she could do was look at the faces of the people that worshipped her and stood
behind her no matter the costs. She could barely breathe and if Tommy hadn’t
been supporting her with Ellie on her opposite side she would have collapsed.
“I love each and every one of you so much and over the course of this break I
will think of you every single day.” She swallowed down the lump in her
throat. “I promise you that this is not goodbye…I promise…”
--Song Credit to Tamia, "So Into You"