My friends who is TG had a close friendship with a pre-op TS that like ours was via fe-mail. As her TS friend neared her SRS date, my friend was very supportive of her and gave her encouragement on this monumental step. Then there was no correspondence at all from the TS. My friend is a very sweet and caring individual, and she naturally so became very worried and concerned for her friends well being. All fe-mails were un-answered, no word of her fate could be had. Finally another TS acquaintance of my friend did make contact with the now post-op TS. The acquaintance wrote back to my friend a rather nasty letter saying that TV/CD's just don't understand what a TS is about nor what a TS goes through.

Well that is true to a point. TS's and TV's do have different mind sets and different points of views and different aspirations. However, we all share a very similar background. I don't believe that any of us in the TG community were immune to the fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and loneliness that our TG'ness caused us while growing up. Just because our paths to the future may diverge there is no reason for us to forget all that we have in common. Sometimes the biggest threat to our community is ourselves and not outsiders. No group should look down at another. TS's are no better than TV's; FtM's are no better than MtF's and vice versa. We should all pull together in our community and try to understand the others who make up this wonderful group of ours. We need each other's support and we need to give that support back to all who need it. United we can stand against any adversity that may come our way.

Well back to my friend. She was understandably hurt, twice now; and she wondered if all TS's were this way and if she should write off all TS's as a group who are only concerned with their own plight. I said no. I know a growing number of TS's and I can say that they are as caring and supportive as any group we have in our community. Her friend who is now post-op may have decided to cut all ties with her former life and start over new. I can understand this especially if her former life was full of pain. However, she failed to realize that she was leaving some baggage behind that causes a lot of pain for others. It is a lot like a suicide. Suicide is the most selfish act a person can commit. They are only thinking about themselves and no one else. I know of no suicide that did not cause heartache and sorrow to those left behind. When the TS cut her ties to the past, she selfishly only considered her needs and not of those people who stood beside her and gave her support and love when she needed it. The least she could have done was to send a letter and explain why she was taking this action instead of throwing this friendship away. I hope she can find that kind of friendship in her new life.

Then the letter from the other TS was also a slap in the face. Yes TS's have a different life struggle from the rest of the world; but again, we all share so much in common that we should be a little more understanding of our brothers and sisters. My friend was just concerned about the fate of a friend, and both should have recognized that. I hope that somebody would be concerned enough for me if I ever disappeared. I told my friend that I would not ever disappear without telling her why I was leaving. That is just common courtesy. I also told her if I ever did disappear to expect the worst and to contact some specific individuals.

My friend has lost one friendship and may have lost another. I told her to write the TS's back and explain how hurt she was and maybe the friendship can be salvaged. We have had to deny ourselves and to put up with so much adversity for so long that we can not afford to cast aside friendships as if they were a used hanky. For me, the friendships that I have been able to make in the short while that I have been out are indeed rare precious gems that are priceless. I would not be here today if it were not for two very special individuals. How can someone think that friendship is a disposable item. Friendships should last forever.

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