by Jeremy Wayne Couch
As we drove back to town
I noted that our route back
was much shorter
and not filled with as many twists and turns
as our journey out had been
I suddenly realized
you had sought out the place
you had taken me at some earlier time
not just chanced upon it as we drove
How long had you been planning this
Despite my discovery, I leaned against you
You who had just destroyed me
were all I had to cling to
You told me then that you were leaving
going to Florida or Colorado or anywhere away from here
Away from me I suppose
In my desperation
I asked if I could go with you
Who else would want me now
You only laughed
I had never known laughter
could be so cruel
"Why then?!" I wanted to scream
"Why did you come back
after three months
you goddamn vampire bastard!
Why did you do this to me
if you were only going to leave again?
Finish it, damnit!
Take me with you or kill me now!
Don't make me live like this!"
But I didn't scream
I knew no one was listening
Not you
not even God
I prayed God wasn't listening
that He hadn't seen the night's events
For if He had, why had He not intervened
We arrived at the Center
As I got out of the car
you said I could come to your house
the next day if I wanted to
I would have laughed at the irony
if I'd had the energy
I went to my room
waited until sufficient time had passed
for you to return home for me to wrap
my courage around myself like a blanket
Then I dialed your number
When you answered the phone
I told you I would not be coming
to your house the next day
or ever again
I asked why you had done what you had
I don't remember most of your response
only you screaming
that I want all the answers
handed to me on a "fucking silver platter"
That's not true
I just don't feel I should have to
wrestle the Sphinx every time I want
to extract an answer from you
I quoted Tori
"You stole all of my secrets.
All but one, and don't you even try.
The phone has been disconnected."
I hung up the receiver and went to my desk
Taking out paper and pen, I wrote this poem:
"Shadow Lover give your final kiss
So he may enter into bliss
He reached for love only to miss
and wishes to be free of this
Sweet Death caress his tender face
Give him now one last embrace
For he can no longer bear this place
Where love grows cold at so quick a pace
In his blood, he writes the name
Of the man who caused his shame
He must be made to regret his lie
Which caused this lovely boy--to die
Then I drew my ivory letter opener
from my desk drawer and held its
eager tip to my wrist
I waited
I waited until the fingers of dawn
reached through my window and gently
guided my hand as I laid the disappointed
letter opener upon my desk
Too tired to weep
I went to bed
Almost a year later
as I was walking home from class
I saw your car
Then a wicked imp
tugged at my ear
causing me to turn back
and see you
Our eyes met
and I felt the Old Spell
stirring into new life
I tossed back my head
and laughed
loosening the spell's hold
But my legs were shaky
and my stomach quesy
Were you angry when I laughed
at happenstance
Did you think I was laughing
at you
You are a joke
a very sick joke
I can still hear you whisper
"I love you,"
and I remember the hate in your eyes
when you told me you were going to kill me