XL. Erebos

I dreamed of the clowns
on the nursery walls
I dreamed of their frozen day-glo smiles
What torture it must be
condemned to smile for eternity

I saw a clown playing pipes like Pan
a lovely blue bird listening
from a branch over his head
I remember you saying
"That bird ought to be taking a shit.
Or at the very least there should be a tear
sliding down the clown's cheek."
I don't know why you hated the clowns so
You were the one who painted them there

I left the room without looking in the cradle
I didn't have to look to know
It was empty

I went downstairs to the kitchen
standing in the doorway
I saw you in front of the stove
a priest before his altar
your back to me
Hearing the sizzle, the crack, the pop
I knew you were frying butter again
watching it melt and burn without pity
As it screamed the same silent scream
snowmen condemned to die
beneath the sun cry
you pretended it was her in the frying pan

You are better than this
I wanted to tell you so
but I can never find my voice
in dreams or in your presence
You don't belong in this house
you have constructed in your mind
any more than it belongs here
in my dreams

"You walked into my dreams
and now I've forgotten how to dream
my own dreams.
You are the clever one aren't you?"

But since you were its architect
here in this house of twilight
is where my spirit chooses to dwell