Well, this page used to be a really cheery place...a page that I once surprised my then girlfriend, Gloria, with...a testimonial of our relationship. But what goes up must eventually come crashing down. That would be my heart, which oddly enough is still ticking, albeit quite worn and tattered. Yes, Gloria and I broke up this past week (February 1999). To our credit, it being a long distance relationship and all, we did survive for quite a while (11 months if you include our initial internet relationship...6 months if you start at the beginning of our physical relationship).
Sometimes I get lonely, and I wonder where you are
if I'm still your one and only, or have the miles stretched too far
And I know I shouldn't worry, and just let fate have its way
but still this heart sinks lower, with each passing day
And it's not that I need to see you, just your voice I long to hear
to find out about your day - your week, all you laughter and your tears
Yet the phone remains silent, another week has past us by
two lives divided, making me wonder why I even try
But when I least expect it, that's when the phone call always comes
giving me another moment of hope, allowing this anxiety to numb
But there's only so much this heart can take, before it will turn away
looking for things you couldn't find time to give, still part of me wanting to stay
Do you even know you're hurting me, more than I have to be?
Would it take me walking away, for you to truly see?
And I hate to say it but I'm at that point, just waiting for one last sign
but sadly I have to say, I think I've given you too much time...
They say it's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I know that's true because I would never trade any of the wonderful memories that I have of the few women that I was lucky enough to have met and fallen quite hard for in my short lifetime. Unlike my relationship with Heather, I'm not sure if what I felt for Gloria was love or not. Part of me thinks so, but I think a lot of my feelings came out of good timing and it being primarily a long distance courtship, I think I idealized a lot of the relationship to suit what I wanted it to be. But still I often wonder how she is doing and if she is happy. If anything I had some type of connection with Gloria that continues to keep her in this heart of mine to this day.
Gloria, if you're reading this...know that I do miss you completely...that the excitement that I felt each time our next visit was approaching could never be matched... that those two wide eyed anxious girls that met that sunny August day outside the bus station...well, they'll live in my heart forever. Goodbye, sweet Gloria...I too wish you only happiness and love. *smile*
Here's the original content of this page...enjoy...
Dearest Gloria...
My vision of hope...
The Precious gift of a rainbow...
For many months, I wandered through life alone. What lay behind me was a love dried up and long past. But still I continued to look back, never daring to venture forth into the unknown.
Then one day, upon chance, I slowly lifted my gaze...and noticed for the first time...the brilliance of a rainbow that I had nearly forgotten.
It was a vision of hope...radiating into my soul...energizing me...filling me.
Today, I wander through life with this precious gift...this hope for a new life...a new love. For the first time, my now awakened mind sees that moving on can be possible...that everything happens for a reason and that something better awaits me in love and life. This precious rainbow has welcomed me into its tender embrace... and it's there I find my pot of gold...my sweet Gloria... and a new quest begins.
Tomorrow, as I explore this life with new love, I feel that my heart will see the truth of rainbows. And I will know that this rainbow has no end... that love can withstand the test of time...and that the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow is... you.
Well, I'm happy to say that Gloria and I met for the first time on August 14, 1998 after a lengthy 5 months of phone calls, letters, and endless dreaming. She was everything I had already imagined her to be and more.
I left my house at 4:30 am so that I could meet Gloria at the Toronto bus station early Friday August 14. I got there about a half hour before she was scheduled to arrive. Whew, I was early...or so I thought. As I leaned up against the bus station wall to finish my cigarrette and calm myself down, who should walk around the corner but my Gloria. I'll never forget the way she looked right at that moment. So very beautiful...her excitement and nervousness matching my own. Immediately we embraced, hardly believing that we were finally in each others arms. It sounds almost magical but not one word of a lie, within minutes we were so comfortable with each other, and we stayed that way until she left on August 16, 1998.
We spent the morning in Cawthra park just talking, giggling and staring into each others eyes. By the afternoon we were wrapped in each others arms in our wonderfully elegant Victorian hotel room just seconds away from the gay village. It all seemed so innocent and so great. That night we ate at Toby's, a restaurant that I just love and then we went to a local lesbian bar where Gloria saw her first drag queen show and we shared our first kiss. Mmmmm...I just love a girl with a tongue ring! After leaving the bar and accompanying her to her first hotdog stand *giggle* we went back to the hotel room and got some much needed sleep.
The next day we were off to see the Toronto leg of Lilith Fair. It was awesome! My favourite moment was probably swaying in Gloria's arms while listening to Sarah McLauchlan perform. It doesn't get any more romantic than that. We stopped into Golden Griddle for a 1 am breakfast before heading back to our hotel room, movie in hand, where we ended up falling asleep once again in each others arms. *blissful sigh*
The next day was to be our final day together, for a while. Gloria made sure that it was to be a day that I wouldn't forget. *wink* Soon afterwards it was time for us to say goodbye to our cozy Victorian getaway. Reluctantly we walked to the bus station. We had one hour to spend together before she was to leave. Although the entire weekend thankfully went by very slowly, that hour seemed to fly. I waited in line with her, tears welling up in my eyes. When it came time to say goodbye, we held each other and whispered that it wouldn't be long before we were able to share more memories and time together. I kissed her, and before getting onto the bus she ran her hand over my face as she had done many times that weekend...her way of showing affection for me. And then I was alone again, though my heart was full and warm. I stood there and watched as her bus pulled out of the station...as it drove down the road...and even after it had already turned the corner out of view I continued to stand there and watch for a good ten minutes. I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was such a wonderful weekend. I can't wait to have my girl in my arms again.
I am also happy to say that she is no longer in Saskatchewan or Montreal, rather she has graduated from the first phase of her military program and is now living in the same province as me...only 3 hours away!
Between the two of us, we have plenty of pictures that I will defenitely be adding to this page as soon as I get the chance!
Thank you, Gloria, for coming into my life at a time when I felt love had come and gone for good. You mean so much to me for so many different reasons, and I love you for that.
Thank you, sweet Gloria...
for all those precious weekends that we did share
and all the wonderful memories that I will cherish always...
My vision of hope...
Then one day, upon chance, I slowly lifted my gaze...and noticed for the first time...the brilliance of a rainbow that I had nearly forgotten.
The Precious gift of a rainbow...
For many months, I wandered through life alone. What lay behind me was a love dried up and long past. But still I continued to look back, never daring to venture forth into the unknown.
It was a vision of hope...radiating into my soul...energizing me...filling me.
Today, I wander through life with this precious gift...this hope for a new life...a new love. For the first time, my now awakened mind sees that moving on can be possible...that everything happens for a reason and that something better awaits me in love and life. This precious rainbow has welcomed me into its tender embrace... and it's there I find my pot of gold...my sweet Gloria... and a new quest begins.
Tomorrow, as I explore this life with new love, I feel that my heart will see the truth of rainbows. And I will know that this rainbow has no end... that love can withstand the test of time...and that the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow is... you.
I left my house at 4:30 am so that I could meet Gloria at the Toronto bus station early Friday August 14. I got there about a half hour before she was scheduled to arrive. Whew, I was early...or so I thought. As I leaned up against the bus station wall to finish my cigarrette and calm myself down, who should walk around the corner but my Gloria. I'll never forget the way she looked right at that moment. So very beautiful...her excitement and nervousness matching my own. Immediately we embraced, hardly believing that we were finally in each others arms. It sounds almost magical but not one word of a lie, within minutes we were so comfortable with each other, and we stayed that way until she left on August 16, 1998.
We spent the morning in Cawthra park just talking, giggling and staring into each others eyes. By the afternoon we were wrapped in each others arms in our wonderfully elegant Victorian hotel room just seconds away from the gay village. It all seemed so innocent and so great. That night we ate at Toby's, a restaurant that I just love and then we went to a local lesbian bar where Gloria saw her first drag queen show and we shared our first kiss. Mmmmm...I just love a girl with a tongue ring! After leaving the bar and accompanying her to her first hotdog stand *giggle* we went back to the hotel room and got some much needed sleep.
The next day we were off to see the Toronto leg of Lilith Fair. It was awesome! My favourite moment was probably swaying in Gloria's arms while listening to Sarah McLauchlan perform. It doesn't get any more romantic than that. We stopped into Golden Griddle for a 1 am breakfast before heading back to our hotel room, movie in hand, where we ended up falling asleep once again in each others arms. *blissful sigh*
The next day was to be our final day together, for a while. Gloria made sure that it was to be a day that I wouldn't forget. *wink* Soon afterwards it was time for us to say goodbye to our cozy Victorian getaway. Reluctantly we walked to the bus station. We had one hour to spend together before she was to leave. Although the entire weekend thankfully went by very slowly, that hour seemed to fly. I waited in line with her, tears welling up in my eyes. When it came time to say goodbye, we held each other and whispered that it wouldn't be long before we were able to share more memories and time together. I kissed her, and before getting onto the bus she ran her hand over my face as she had done many times that weekend...her way of showing affection for me. And then I was alone again, though my heart was full and warm. I stood there and watched as her bus pulled out of the station...as it drove down the road...and even after it had already turned the corner out of view I continued to stand there and watch for a good ten minutes. I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was such a wonderful weekend. I can't wait to have my girl in my arms again.
I am also happy to say that she is no longer in Saskatchewan or Montreal, rather she has graduated from the first phase of her military program and is now living in the same province as me...only 3 hours away!
Between the two of us, we have plenty of pictures that I will defenitely be adding to this page as soon as I get the chance!
Thank you, Gloria, for coming into my life at a time when I felt love had come and gone for good. You mean so much to me for so many different reasons, and I love you for that.
for all those precious weekends that we did share
and all the wonderful memories that I will cherish always...