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Why me?

A lot of teenage gay people ask themselves "Why me?" when they first think they are gay. I know I did when I was about 13 years old - I would stay awake for hours at night trying to think what I had done to make me gay. I couldn't accept that I was gay, and I thought it was just a phase I was going through at the time, and I would grow out of. As I got older, I started to realise that it was not a phase, it is just the way I am.

There are many discussions world-wide about why people are gay. Some argue that gay people have no more control of their sexuality than their eye colour, others argue that it is learned behaviour and upbringing based. There is currently little scientific evidence out there to prove that homosexuality is genetically determined, although now and again their are claims that a link to homosexuality has been found, but I am not aware of any discoveries that have provided sufficient proof - but I like to remain open minded on the subject.

There is a lot more of an issue when finding a genetic link between gay people, for example, non accepting families might test an unborn baby, and could apply for abortion if they would prefer a heterosexual baby, in an extreme case. I hope that by the time a genetic link is found and proved, society would be more accepting of homosexuality. It is visible to lots of people that society is becoming more and more accepting of gay people. For example, in the UK not so many years ago, there would never be a reference to a gay person on the TV; but now, we have gay characters in soap operas that often show the positive roles that gay people play in the community.

So, if our sexuality is predetermined, and we can't change it, people often feel that if they don't like their sexuality, then life is not worth living. Of course, nobody should ever feel that way, and there is no reason to never feel like that. Sometimes it can take people a while to firstly accept that they are gay, then learn to like themselves. Of course, not all gay people are unhappy when they first discover their sexuality, but I was unhappy, and I know a lot of other teenagers who I have spoken to are as well (see What happens if you don't like being gay)

The other main argument to a theory that makes people gay is learned behaviour. This does not have to include a homosexual relationship, but could include deeper issues that lie in the unconscious mind, so we are not consciously aware of them. There is a lot of strong view points about this theory within gay communities, because it is easier to think that something is simple, and we are always in control unless it is genetically determined. I am sure that when some gay people read this, they will be deeply offended, but I feel that when discussing an issue, all points should be explained and justified. One example of a cause of homosexuality according to psychologist's is the closeness to a Mother figure. This doesn't have to mean you want to be like your Mum, but is also a lot deeper than it seems.

I see homophobia to be like sexism and racism not too long ago, and just look how far we have come in the last few years with regards to racism and sexism! I think that homophobia is the next thing to go!

If any readers of this page would like to sensibly discuss these issues with me, please write to me via e-mail to the address on my main web page, and I will try my hardest to reply as soon as possible.

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