TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE ENJOYING
AN UNNATURAL CLOSENESS WITH A PORTRAIT
[10] Sexual foreplay for you often involves brushes of assorted sizes and thicknesses.
[9] After making love, you don't light up a cigarette for fear of nearby turpentine possibly flaming up.
[8] Sundays are marked by beautiful, secluded and care-free picnic lunches held down in the Wyndemere cellar.
[7] You have haunting flashbacks about frames made of assorted woods, from oak to mahagony.
[6] Uncomfortable canvas burns on the most private of areas of your body.
[5] You can't stroll through a museum without feeling guilty.
[4] Your mistress in the guest cottage becomes furious after discovering red oil paint on your shirt collar.
[3] Your idea of a torrid love triangle involves a Picasso and a Matisse.
[2] Mona Lisa was just on "Jerry Springer" calling you a "lying cheating bastard".
[1] When you see a small boy playing with a color-by-numbers paint set, you can't help but pat him on the back and advise him, "Be careful, son....she'll only break your heart"..