TOP 10 INNOVATIVE PROCEDURES
TAUGHT AT PCU MEDICAL SCHOOL
[10] Throat surgery using a lighter, switchblade and ballpoint pen (ideally an Erasermate, just in case you make a mistake).
[9] Cranial fluid reduction using a rusty, dull power drill and a bottle of bourbon.
[8] Delivering a baby using salad tongs and a shoehorn.
[7] Setting a broken leg with a folded-up newspaper and a few feet of duct tape.
[6] Treating a drug addiction by gobbling up all the pain pills in the addict's stash before he gets to them.
[5] Appendectomies using poultry shears and a pad of Post-It notes.
[4] Breast augmentation using a bicycle pump grabbed out of the garage.
[3] Psychological shock therapy by locking the patient in a room with a looping tape of endless Kat/Stefan TWIST OF FATE flashbacks.
[2] Heart transplant surgery using an Exacto knife, some al dente rigatoni noodles, and one of those stress-reliever squeeze toy thingies.
[1] Diagnosing a splinter in a kid's finger with a full series of blood tests, CAT scans and a 32-ounce urine sample.