TOP 10 SIGNS YOU’RE ABOUT TO
FATHER CARLY’S NEXT CHILD
10. You just made eye contact with her on the street.
9. When you ask if she has a condom handy, she pulls a square of Saran Wrap out of her nightstand drawer.
8. Your idea of foreplay is a game of 9-ball.
7. She just nearly chipped a tooth on your pants zipper.
6. Your eye just got poked out by one of her blouse buttons shooting across the bedroom.
5. You just got an elevator with her after a big fight with Hannah.
4. She just got an elevator with you after a big fight with Jason, AJ or Tony.
3. She whispers in your ear, “My leather pants are held on by only 3 pieces of Velcro. And two of them just melted.”
2. The throes of hot sweaty lovemaking almost make you forget about the memory-sapping crater in your skull.
1. In the afterglow, she asks if you’re on the pill.