TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR MAILBOX MAY BE
A BIT EMPTY ON MOTHER'S DAY
[10] You were named "Mom of the Year" by KIDNAPPING & ABDUCTION ILLUSTRATED.
[9] When your own Mom went shopping for a card for you, she ended up running out of the store shouting, "I cannot be a grandmother! Are these the breasts of a grandmother?!?!?"
[8] You teach your son to fingerpaint using ink leftover from when you got fingerprinted at the police station.
[7] Helga, your butch prison cellmate, is withholding your mail until you make nice-nice with "Miss Fluffy".
[6] Your baby's first words: "Um, and YOU are...???"
[5] The last time your son saw his biological father, Jason was shoving a gun in his face in the Quartermaine living room.
[4] The supermarket carries "Huggies for Boys....Except Those Raised By Carly Roberts."
[3] A snazzy wallpaper sample can effectively divert your attention away from a musical parade of flaming circus animals passing by.
[2] Renaldo the bodyguard was feeling antsy and just broke the mailman's thumbs.
[1] People are just plain confused over which alias to address the card to!