Personal Profile:

I was born 3rd in a line of 4 children. All my siblings are brothers. One of my parents is my Dad, the other is my Mom.

Home Towns: Anamoose ND; Pevely MO; West Fargo ND

(The following borrows from the styles of a co-worker and Walter Mitty)

I live a sedate life. I work, eat, sleep and play like everyone else. My doctor helped sedate me.

I swim to meet hurricanes. After work I like to hoe my section of potatoes. I think mud pies are fun to make. Flowers can make me giddy.

I provide sage advice to those who have climbed the mountain to meet me. I ponder over whether life really is like a box of chocolates. I hate chocolate. My navel has been pondered over many times.

People are impressed by my clean appearance. I shower at least three times a day and brush and floss after every meal. Some months I wear clean hose and underwear. Worn every day, I can make a pair of pantyhose last at least 8 months. Men find me easiest to understand and get along with when I'm in that 'special' time of month.

I grow younger every other day. I give rides to hitch-hikers. I ran in the '92 Olympics. I can count backwards from 10 to 1 by 1's.

I traded in my Jaguar for a bicycle--now I get to my destinations faster. I cycle without a helmet, except when children are present. I count cheese curls that fall out of a bag.

I can grow fat or skinny at will. I chew 32 times before I swallow. Because I hate to brag, I paddled up the Snake River with one arm tied behind my back.

I'm so pretty mirrors seem to crack wherever I go. I'm so ugly no one's willing to take the double-bag risk. I'm so plain I can't find a memory expert who can remember my face.

My vocal range is at least six octaves. Once I played the operatic role of Tosca, after which James Bond hired me to teach him new survival skills. The Kremlin still spies on me. Last week I bravely fought off a couple of kindergarten kids who cracked my home security system.

One of my hobbies is beating swords into plowshares with an ice pick. Last year I proved that falling trees make a sound when no one is around to listen. I can hear best when no sounds are being made.

I've got a mind like a steel trap. I’ve forgotten how to fart.

If you believe my profile, I have some GREAT property to sell to you!

[Okay, so this wasn't very lady-like. But if you have a warped sense of humor, you might have found it at least slightly amusing]