13.25.35 10th Pass

Daddy gave me this journal to write in. It looks pretty expensive. I suppose I had better write in this although I'd rather be out working with Gilderoy right now. He's jumping so high. I'm almost positive we'll get him to the races one day. Torrence says he's got the breeding of a champion runner. Torrence is my brother. He's the only decent one. Bairhd is trying hard to be like Derrick and chase girls all the time. I think Torrence would prefer to chase boys like K'fen. How I miss him - ever since he impressed Tenkanoth last turn he's not been the same. He's got his own weyr now here at Igen. I don't see him as much anymore.

3.14.37 10th Pass

Daddy finally asked me if I was using the journal he gave me. I told him yes even though this is only the second time I've written in it. I just don't see the point! He told me my mother kept a journal and he thought it might help me be close to her by keeping one of my own. I think he's trying to tell me to be more like a girl. Momma died when I was just eight turns old. I think I remember her face. Dad says Torrence and I look like her the most. Bairhd looks exactly like Daddy. My hand hurts from writing this small paragraph. In fact I'd rather be oiling the bridles again instead of writing this. I think I'll go to the stables. Brees did something funny the other day. At least I think it was that little brat. She strung underwear up all over the living caverns. She had help, but I suspect she is the mastermind behind the plot. I don't think I shall forget the sight of Bairhd's shorts in the rafters.

9.22.37 10th Pass

The oddest thing happened today. I suppose that is why I feel I must write about it. I was searched. I was searched by Ahazeth and his rider T'asu. I don't even know why. It's not like I'm going to be a dragonrider, even T'asu doesn't think so but Ahazeth does which is why he had to ask me to stand. I have always worked in the stables. But here I am in the candidate barracks. There's excitement all over the place including in the cot next to me - Kuari. I made a new friend in that boy Kuari. He came to the weyr as a historian. He works inside all day. Ugh. I couldn't do that. K'fen seems to like him - ALOT. I think Kuari likes him too. Too bad! K'fen will just have to wait until candidacy is over. Haha! I think I like that because it might do him good to have a bit of patience. And if Kuari impresses he'll have to wait twice as long. Hee! I bet Kuari impresses a bronze. Yep, a bronze.

1.09.38 10th Pass

Neither Kuari or I impressed at the hatching. We both were left standing. I expected it, but I don't think Kuari did. He's been very disappointed. Even worse, Kyris, the Head Steward was standing and he has been very depressed. For some strange reason I cannot forget Kyris's sadness. His eyes, so deep a green, seem to reflect such a pool of disappointment. I remember when they were so joyful during candidacy. He's thrown himself back into his job as we all have. I have gone back to my beloveds. How I missed Pai, Cyrus and the rest of the runners. I know they missed me as well. They began dancing in their stalls when they smelled me come into the stables again. Daddy says I look healthier now that I'm back with my babies. I think he's hinting at me to settle down. I think I'm too young. Bairhd will be the first to settle. Elissa has him in her charms now, she's that young girl from the cothold just outside Igen Hold.

7.06.38 10th Pass

I went riding across the desert this morning. It was so beautiful, I can barely describe it. I went right before dawn. I took Pai out through the sands. As the sun rose over the horizon, it changed from dark blue to purple, to pink, to orange and finally light blue. It was amazing. I think the sunrise is the prettiest thing in this world. That and a certain pair of adorable green eyes. -Scratch that- Did I say that? No! I can't think that way. I will not think that way. I will not think that way about the Steward. Nope. I know! I meant that about Sekhmet. She's this little firelizard. She's annoying. I was sick in the living caverns having a bit of soup when T'asu came in with his firelizard's clutch. The eggs started hatching in the caverns. I tried to ignore it, but the green latched on and wouldn't let go of me. She even bit me. I had to feed it. And now she won't go away. To top it off, I had to deal with that lousy T'asu who wouldn't let me be sick in peace. No he had to tell me how disgusting he found me coughing like an old lady. Well he got his just deserts when I told him to leave me alone or I'd spit on him. Not that I would, but it didn't hurt he believed me. He left me alone after that. Hah!

3.18.39 10th Pass

Today I tried to talk to Kerythan about his brother Kyris. Boy was that a mistake. I would be better off talking to a weyr wall. I forgot those two don't like each other much. I thought Kerythan would talk about him because he used to be fond of talking about my brother Derrick. I remember when I was twelve, Kerythan crawled up into the hayloft and caught Derrick with those girls. Two of them! When I told Derrick about it, he said I was too young to speak of such things. Then he told Daddy I was spying on him. Well now I'm not too young, but Kerythan sure has shut up from what he used to be. I remember he taught us how to balance a spoon on our noses. I still don't know what the purpose of that was, but there's several of us who know how to do it right. You have to breath on the spoon first, warm it up - uh. Okay I'm going out to the runners. I won't write about holding a spoon on your nose in this book.

6.23.39 10th Pass

I am so MAD right now! I will kill T'asu. I promise I will kill him. I should never had made that stupid bet with him. My mouth spoke before my head could take it back. I was resting in the bowl when he came by. I told him I'd been searched (again), this time by Perseith. He laughed and said I wouldn't impress again, that I wasn't meant to. I told him to go stuff his head where the sun didn't shine. Then we made a bet. I bet him I would impress a dragon, not that I think I will, but he doesn't need to know that. He bet me I wouldn't. Whoever loses has to serve the other for two months. Fine. I can do that. But today Chayil told me T'asu was going around the living caverns and selling my services to other people! And can you believe it - people actually bought me! Timothy from the kitchens got three days - yeah I'll make sure he regrets that. Kyris bought me to...somehow I don't mind hanging around him - but I am REALLY MAD at T'asu. He's not even won the bet yet.. not that he will.. but still! I will make him regret that. He is going to pay - that redheaded wherry butt!

9.19.39 10th Pass

I will never ever ever ever ever stand again. Never, Never, Never, a hundred times never. I was on the sands, the green dragon came at me. I thought for a second I was wrong, that I would win the bet. But she bit me instead! She wanted someone else. I was in the way. Now I'm in this stupid infirmary with A'deth always looking in at me at night. Liah's here during the day. My leg is wrapped up in bandages. Faranth, what if I can never ride again? What if that dragon bite paralyzes my leg and I can't get on a runner? What if I end up like old Nagger, unhappy and grumpy, limping around everywhere and needing help with everything I do? STUPID STUPID STUPID green dragon! Why'd she have to bite me? Why not someone else? I am not going to cry, I am not going to cry about this anymore. But what if I can't walk when the bandages come off?

11.6.39 10th Pass

It's been almost two months since it happened. My leg may heal with time, Liah says, but she can't promise that about my mind. I heard Kerythan is now K'than and he impressed that green dragon that bit me. I can't sleep at night. Every time I close my eyes I can feel the pain of those teeth sinking into my leg again. I've had runners bite me. Their teeth are hard, but not sharp. Nothing like a dragonet's teeth. The stitches keep it from bleeding and the dressing covers it unless someone asks to see it. I get a few visitors daily. Derrick and Bairhd keep telling me the things they plan to do to K'than. It's not his fault, although I smile at some of the things they planned. Like the rotten tunnelsnake eggs they wanted to put in his sweetsand. Maybe they could - but if Daddy or Sarai found out their butts would be kicked from here to Fort Weyr, so I can't let them do it. Sekhmet has laid a clutch of eggs in a pot near me. I told her to shoo but the healers were so delighted, I couldn't get rid of the eggs without them knowing. There's six eggs. Don't know what will hatch from them, but I hope they go to the other people here and none come to me. Sekhmet is enough trouble.

13.11.39 10th Pass

Torrence helped me get back to the dorms last week. I feel terrible because I still need some help, especially if I walk around longer than I should. I'm still bed-ridden even in my own cot. I want to be out working with the runners. I miss Pai. But I'm not strong enough yet. I promise, I will ride again. I promised myself that. I will make sure it happens. T'asu hasn't been around to bother me. I think it's weird. Just after the hatching he came to see me and he actually looked worried! I thought he was going to say something about that bet, but I guess maybe he's given up on it.

4.2.40 10th Pass

I did it! I've been working the stables for six weeks now, taking it slow and easy like my Daddy told me. But today, I took Pai out! I finally got back on the runners! My legs are sore, so sore, and I feel like I haven't been riding in so long. Which is true! It felt so good to get back on his back. I didn't take him jumping yet, but I will as soon as I exercise my leg more. But I'm so excited! I did it!

7.29.40 10th Pass

Hah! Seems T'asu finally figured out I was now back to my full speed. I heard he was asking around for me. I know what he wants! He wants me to fulfill that silly agreement about the bet. Hmm, we'll have to see about that. I don't think I want to do it just yet. Knowing him he'll have me lick his boots or something equally disgusting. I'd throw his boots out the window first! J'nas came by again. He has gotten a promotion to an Assistant Weyrlingmaster at Fort Weyr. It's strange, I hadn't seen him in YEARS and yet when the hatching happened, he came to tell me hello and see how I was doing. He grew up here at Igen. Now he's a rider at Fort. He's so grown up and doesn't look like the weakling I thought he would.

5.15.41

Kyris almost died tonight. I almost died tonight! I can barely think as I write this but it seems important. I shall have to stash this diary away in a place that cannot be set on fire. There was a fire tonight in the store rooms. Kyris immediately tried to set it out. I helped by getting the children out of the nursery. The minute I was done, I was back inside helping to pass along the water buckets. H'some went inside the store rooms, into the fire to turn off the air vents so that the fire wouldn't spread. Kyris was at the front of the line and he collasped. When I saw him go down... I freaked out. As selfish as this will sound, my first thought was that he was dead and I would never get to tell him that I love-- no... I wouldn't get to say that. I ran forward and I grabbed him under the arms and dragged him out. He was okay... just a bit unconscious. He will be okay once the smoke clears from his lungs. And I'll be fine.. just have a bit of a cough from it. Plus I hurt my leg. It still pains me from time to time .. but today I think it hurt from lack of air.

3.16.42

If I live and breathe past what will happen next, I swear on my mother's death that I will somehow find a way to make K'than pay for what he and Ryeth have done. This is no longer about Ryeth biting my leg when she was but a dragon hatchling. OH NO... this betrayal goes much further Diary. This afternoon I was heading for the stables minding my own business when K'than stopped to speak to me. He started asking me questions.. and by now I know those questions.. those are the questions a rider asks right before they ask you to stand. I think they train them in weyrlinghood to ask those questions. The moment he asked me to stand for Qeturath's clutch, I froze up. I didn't know what to do! I promised I wouldn't stand on the sands again. I just walked away from him.. but he followed me! He said he understood my hesitation and that he probably would too.. but then damn it! K'than said to me.. "If you fell off a runner would you get back on or stop riding for life?" And that.. hurt. That hurt alot. Of course dragon teeth hurt more, but I too have my pride. So I agreed. I'm an idiot for agreeing. I know what happened last time. I know what to do.. I'll be prepared. I will show them I am not scared.. I'm not scared at all... Not at all.

3.17.42

I'm scared Diary.

4.30.42

Chayil suggested that I might overcome some of my fears by practicing jumping out of the way, dodging and the like. I did... I sucked at it. I'm also being made an example of to the other candidates. I feel like everyone is pointing and saying "Hey there's Joshi.. Ya'll see her? She didn't get out of the way. Don't do like she did and get mauled!" Like I wanted to be bitten! Sheesh! They mean well but I hate the attention.

6.8.42

What am I going to do with her? I proved I wasn't scared... I proved I wasn't scared to stand on the sands today.. and what do I have to show for it? Wilanth. She is outrageous. She tried to maul candidates today. I was scared she would maul me and then she chose me! It was wonderful and scary all at once. I feel as if I will never be alone again. She tells me I won't as long as I feed her when she likes. And when she is hungry.. I am hungry! She's such a dark, beautiful green. Her color reminds me of her... dark.. exotic.