Disclaimer: DBZ isnít mine
Warning: YAOI! Male/male! Donít read it if youíre disgusted by this subject.
I lean my head against his shoulder, needing to feel his body next to mine, needing all I can ever get.
My heart screams and my mind breaks, longing for more. Yearning for his lips, his tongue, his touch.
Desire burns like fire and I feel that the tingling in my chest increases with every beat of my heart, with every whisper from his mouth, with every soothing that he gives.
I do know, that I make it harder for both of us.
But still. I canít stop.
I love him too much, a love that is denied, yet so incredible strong, that I canít help it.
Canít stay away, canít ignore my soulís craving.
He looks down at me helplessly and moves his hand up to my hair, stoking it lightly, needing to touch me himself.
I can see the glint in his beautiful blue eyes. Itís lust.
The twinging gets stronger and I moan softly, while bringing my hand to my heart and my body close to him.
I look up and see his eyes closed, his breathing slightly uneven.
His voice is melody in my ears, a caress itself. The way he breathes my name makes me wanna touch him all the more.
Just throw him down and take him.
Make him mine and make me his.
I seek his lips, the urgent need to taste him evident, overwhelming.
My hands touch his cheeks gently, pulling him down to me.
~ Youíre never near enough, beloved ~
With the movement he opens his lids again and for a moment we arenít able to do anything but stare into the otherĎs eyes.
He blinks Ė and then something in him snaps.
I knit my eyebrows and look at him, wondering, what got him upset, but when I gaze his skin with my fingertips he pushes me away roughly.
Astonished by his reaction, I fail to stop the impact, my body crashes against the ground and my head thuds with a soft sound.
But, truth be told. It doesnít even hurt. I canít feel anything. Not even pain. Just emptiness.
I turn my head to look at him, almost begging for him to apologize.
Then take me in his arms and kiss me. Tell me he loves me and always will.
Yeah, I know, Iím just a pitiful romanticist.
"Faggot." He spits.
- And I feel my world collapse. I lean my head back down on the ground and wait for him to go on with his insults. To go on shattering my heart.
And I canít even defend. I seemed to have lost my voice somewhere down in his comment, in his only word.
I just lay down here on the ground, waiting for him to continue.
Donít say anything. I know it already.
Donít break me more than you already have.
Kill my body, but donít break my will.
"Donít ever come near me again. Donít ever touch me again. You disgust me."
He stays for another moment, glaring down at me. Then he turns around and leaves.
Leaves us. What could have been us.
My body begins to tremble and I try to push my shaking limbs up.
I want to get away, his smell is still lingering in the air and my pride wonít stand to let me break down here.
At least the tiny bit of what is left of my pride.
I offered him everything.
I offered him my heart on a silver tray.
My body disobeys, my shivering hand slips and I fall back down onto the grass.
And finally the tears come.
I bury my face in the ground and sob silently.
I canít understand why he turned me down, I saw the lust in his eyes, I saw emotions in his eyes.
Am I not worthy enough for him? Is that it?
Oh God, I ruined everything.
I ruined our friendship.
I have to talk to him, I have to tell him that it was just a sick joke, a bet, anything.
But not just yet. Not yet.
I canít look into his eyes, without breaking down again.
Hell, I donít think I can ever look into his eyes again and feel the same.
It hurts. It hurts so much.
Maybe I should start anew.
A new life in another town.
A new life on another planet.
However... I know I couldnít go through with it.
I need my family.
And I need... him.
I know heíll make my life a living hell.
But never the less.... never the less I canít give him up completely.
At least I can be near him.
Watching from afar, never touching.
Part Two |