When a soldier goes off to war, or off on deployment, not only are they physically leaving the area where they live, but also they are emotionally detaching themselves from the world they know. They leave behind spouses and families. They get into a mindset that is not easy to explain other than they become distant and somewhat cold. They look for comfort anywhere they can. (Not every soldier undergoes this, but most do.)
Since the integration of computers in the everyday military life, access to comfort is much easier. Some find solace in chat rooms, others in online dating services. It is not rare to find married soldiers turning to people they don�t know online for an escape from their new reality. This is a fact that is not openly discussed.
For years it had been known that the spouses left behind have the need for continues caring and intimacy while the soldier is away. The �Jody� complex. Simply put, the spouse left behind seeks out (either physically or subliminally) a surrogate. They then engage in a relationship, all-be-it an adulterous affair. Most of these affairs only last as long as the deployment. Other soldiers find they get a �Dear John� letter during the deployment. Others come home, wishing to put behind any confrontations but instead walking into a minefield of confusion and often resentment as the spouse tells them they are leaving.
Now enter the technological advances of the internet. The soldier also feels a need for comfort, companionship and intimacy. If he or she does contact their loved one back home, most of the time he is confronted with the days events. This kid did this. This kids grades have gone from all �B�s� to �D�s�. The dog ate up the brand new leather sofa. The engine in the mini van died because the spouse forgot to take it in to get the oil changed.
A soldier that is deployed really doesn�t want to hear about all the problems back home, especially when he is faced with the prospect of dying at any time. He wants to hear the promise of another day, filled with happiness, intimacy and sex. Now he turns to the PC for help.
I admit it...I am the other woman! I have had online �affairs� with soldiers.
A year ago I received an instant message from two long lost ex-boyfriends who had run off and gotten married after our relationships ended. They were now in Iraq and fighting a battle not only physically, but emotionally as well. The one told me his wife already had had an affair. He confided that the marriage was over and he would seek out a divorce when he got home. The other just stated that he had never forgotten about me, but was now happily married. How is it possible that a seemingly happy married man could seek me out?
I already knew the answer, but had to seek out some advice from a soldier that personally knew the first soldier. He said �Darlin, you know how Army guys are. When they are deployed or away for any reason, they get lonely and will do or say anything to get relief. When he gets home, he will go back to his family and it will be �business as usual�. It happens all the time�. He was right, I knew it, had seen it all before. I had even been in that situation. A long way from home, surrounded by men willing to help me out.
There is no solution. But if I can help out just one soldier, then I will. Not by sending dirty pictures or writing dirty notes, but by just listening. While most would consider this an online affair, I would say that the intimacy that is shared is only temporary and not to be confused with the intimacy they share with their spouse. And while they criticize me or the soldier, they console the wife left behind. Never knowing that �Jody� has already visited her boudoir.
