| Well what a way to start the New Year. Lets see...in four days into the new year I managed to fight off a pretty bad case of food poisoning, complete my winter term psychology class, and break the 7th commandment. I'm so going to hell. I've changed so much from the time when I was in high school to now, I'm a monster. I used to talk down to people who do some of the things that I indulge in now. I used to be a hopeless romantic who wore his heart on his sleeve. Now I'm just so driven and have this non-chelant attitude towards everything. What's the state of my heart right now? Is this overwhelming indifference a sign of true healing or a brutal never fading scar left from my past demons? All I know in my life is the end goal. But how will I get there. What path shall I take? Who shall I take with me? See it all goes back to a woman. To act so surprised, it always does, see, I thought it was over. And in my defense, she made me feel that way, but now.... she makes me feel a way I don't want to. See that's the thing with knowing the future. You have to choose between 1 of 2 chains of thought. That the future is set and there is nothing you can do about it, only the WAY the future happens. (A la Terminator 3) Or the theory that says if you know the future you can then change it. (A la Minority Report) In my life it appears to be the first of the two. Much like in terminator 2 you assumed that they were able to change the future and then come to find out in terminator 3 that judgment day was going to come no matter what...only that the time had changed. The fact that I'm going to end up with this woman is as sure as the sun is going to rise. I knew that before when we were kids. Then I lost that feeling, I felt that to be true or at least I told myself that was true. But now I'm thrown back to reality. There is absolutely nothing I can do. Should we as people accept fate? Or should we spend a lifetime trying to avoid it. What a crazy feeling it is this thing called love. |
