(Note: This was inspired by something Joss said
on the official board.)
Giles turned to face the others.
"Thank you for coming at such short notice."
He surveyed the assembled Scooby Gang and their numerous hangers-on. Sometimes
it amazed him how many people had become party to their little secret since
Buffy's first arrival three years ago. But that wasn't important right now, they
had a serious crisis to deal with and now wasn't the time to let thoughts of the
past distract him.
(Or the noises of so many beautiful young people interested only in each other.)
He cleared his throat, partly to get their attention onto to the subject in
hand, but mostly to get his own back on track.
"Um, yes. Firstly, I'd like to thank Mr Finn and his, um, friend for
getting us access to the university's library at such short notice."
He nodded to one half of the gorgeous young couple snuggled together on the
nearby issue desk. The young man concerned disengaged himself from his partner's
affections long enough to smile back at Giles; a very knee-trembling smile.
"That's OK," Riley replied, sounding only slightly distracted by where
Graham was putting his hand. "Since that *thing* destroyed our base we
figured that anything that could help you destroy it must be for our mutual
good. Besides," He wetted his lips provocatively and flashed Giles a look.
"I could never resist a handsome prince in distress."
"Quite, quite," said Giles, retreating into 'stuffy' mode to try and
damp down the sap rising in his loins. "And as Mr Finn's words prove, this
demon is the reason why we must all work together as a team."
He paused to lean forward and dramatically remove his glasses, so as to
emphasise the importance of his next sentence, not to give all those gorgeous
men watching him a chance to see how smoulderingly sexy his gaze could be, not
at all.
"We may be facing," he began, his soft voice given extra depth by the
seriousness of his tone, "the most dangerous creature we have ever had to
deal with."
His gaze smouldered sexily, despite himself. Damn it.
"And as a consequence, we will have to show *extra* vigilance in dealing
with."
(The noises were getting louder now)
"I said, we will have to show *extra* vigilance in dealing with."
With a sigh Giles pinched the bridge of his handsomely profiled nose.
"Xander, do you think you could *possibly* tear your attention *away* from
Oz and back to the matter in hand for *just* one minute?"
Reluctantly the black-haired youth disengaged himself from showing just how
happy he was that the quietly sensitive guitarist had recently returned.
"*Thank* you!" snapped Giles, relieved that at least his jealousy had
calmed down. "Honestly, I don't know what's got into you lot recently. Here
we are, standing on the brink of world destruction, and all you can
think about are your hormones!"
"Awwww!"
The sympathetic sound echoed genuinely around the library as Angel stood up from
where he had been brooding in a corner with Spike and came towards the former
Watcher.
"Does a certain ex-librarian need a great big hug?" he purred as he
wrapped himself sensuously around Giles's trimly muscular physique.
"Um, Angel, that's very sweet," stammered Giles as the vampire began
licking softly at his neck, "but I've got an end-of-the-world-prevention
meeting to lead here and having you do that is rather distracting."
"But I want to stay," whispered Angel, laying his head on Giles's
shoulder as he did so.
"All right," said Giles, accepting defeat in favour of the feeling of
Angel's fingers brushing gently down his body. "So, um, yes. Where was
I?"
"The greatest evil we've ever faced," prompted Buffy crossly from
where she sat, annoyed at the fact that not only was her lover still in a coma
but this was the first time in over seven hundred words that she had been
mentioned.
"Right! Yes! Giles beamed in happy recognition. "Thank you Buffy. Yes,
the greatest evil that we've ever faced."
(Angel's hand trailed lower.)
".a demon so terrible that."
(.and came to rest on Giles's crotch.)
".that even, even the mere, um, merest mention of its name."
There was the sound of a zipper being undone.
"Oh sod it!" cried Giles before wrapping Angel up in a passionate
clinch.
"Well, this is just great!"
Angrily Buffy stood up.
"You guys just disgust me!" she cried, the frustration of being
ignored and being the only single girl in a room full of groping guys fuelling
her rage. "I mean, responsibility issues aside, don't you have any *idea*
of how gross you're all being, feeling each other up in public like this? You
don't catch me and Willow smooching and fondling our significant others like
this; we have some restraint, right Wills?"
"Mmm?" the redheaded witch asked, her attention more on the new Wiccan
finger exercises Tara was gently demonstrating on her.
"Oh great!" Buffy put her hands on her hips and glared at the Wiccan
couple, slightly saddened that they were too involved in each other to
appreciate how good she looked when she did this. Then she sighed.
"Don't suppose you'd care for a threesome?"
"Sure!" giggled Willow happily and reached out to draw her friend into
her new world.
Suddenly the doors to the library burst open. The ground quaked, the walls
played a demo of Half-Life and the ceiling refused to join in with this
games-oriented joke as a terrible figure strode in.
"That's *enough*!" boomed the voice of the demon Moral Majority.
"How *dare* you all behave like this? How *dare* you all act in this...this
*deviant* manner? Is this some sort of sick publicity stunt?"
"On the contrary!" cried the demon J'Oss Wh'd'n, bursting in through a
window. "Haven't you heard?"
"Heard what?" asked Moral Majority.
J'Oss signalled to his creations, and as one they all cried out
"Everyone on Buffy will be gay!"
("D'uh!" shouted the legions of slash fiction writers, who knew this
all along.
And they all went off to have hot monkey sex. Except for the fic writers, who
went off to write about it. Or maybe have hot monkey sex and *then* write about
it. Or maybe just have hot monkey sex, I mean, I shouldn't judge the lives of
slash fic writers and I don't mean to imply that they *don't* have hot monkey
sex, unless they don't like to or they actually don't or.I'll shut up now.)
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