Dedicated to: Sabre ShadowKitten
"Oh my God!"
"What do you think?"
"Giles, I…I don’t know what to say? It’s so *big*!"
"Yes, it is a rather fine example of its kind."
"What is?"
"Willow! You’ve got to come over here and look at this!"
"Look at what? What’s to s…oh. Oh my."
"That tends to be the reaction I get from most women, yes."
"Giles!"
"Ow!"
"Well you deserved it for being so smug! Honestly, you’re supposed to be a mentor figure and here you are, boasting worse than even Xander would over the size of your…"
"Did I hear my name menti…Woah! Momma!"
"Are you impressed?"
"Impressed, I’m *terrified*! It’s huge! Not that I normally go around looking at objects like that."
"Sure you don’t Xander."
"Hey, it’s true, I don’t! I’m a straight-living, down the road kind of guy! But even so…"
"Wait a second, you mean to tell me you’ve never even considered something like that?"
"Well, you know, I went through a *phase*, I mean every teenager does…"
"Not me! I’ve never thought about things like that in my life. Not until Oz showed me his."
"Of course you haven’t Will, it’s a guy thing. I mean, no girl has one of these…"
"I know I haven’t!"
"…so why would they need to think about it, and since *when* did you know what Oz’s looked like?"
"Since when did who know what my what looked like?"
"Hi Oz! We were all admiring Giles favourite thing and I was saying you’ve got one too."
"Oh. Oh right. Yeah, I have, but mine’s smaller."
"Oz man, you *so* need a testosterone transplant!"
"Why? I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s a perfectly normal guy thing to have, it’s just mine is smaller. Anyway, you said as much when we compared sizes last week."
"*You* compared yours with *Oz*?"
"Hey, what’s the big deal, like I said, every teenager goes through a phase like that."
"I thought you said you didn’t have one?"
"No I never said that. What sor6t of a guy would I be if I didn’t have one of those? I’ll tell you what, half a guy, or no guy at all. I’ve got one. I just don’t go overboard about it, that’s all."
"I bet *Faith* got to see it!"
"Willow!"
"Hey guys, I don’t mean to break up the beginnings of a beautiful confrontation here but shouldn’t you be more worried about Giles waving that thing around in public?"
"Oh don’t be ridiculous Oz! It’s a free country, I can do what I like with it!"
"OK, but you know how twitchy Sunnydale police can get around stuff like that…"
"Hi guys!"
"MOM!"
"Hey Mrs Summers!"
"Hi Mrs Summers!"
"Hey."
"Hi guys, what are you all looking so furtive about?"
"Us?"
"Furtive?"
"Nothing!"
"Uh-huh, so why are you all clustering around Mr Giles like that?"
"We’re just basking in his warm librarian-like glow! OK, that one sounded dumb even to *me*!"
"I’d second that!"
"Quite. Mr Giles? Why are all these kids gathered around you?"
"Oh. Um. Well, I was just showing them…"
"GILES!"
"It’s OK Buffy, I’ve seen one of those before. Matter of fact I’ve got one."
"MOM!"
"It’s true honey, why look so shocked?"
"You *can’t* have one Mom, girls don’t *have* those!"
"Well I do. I keep it on the mantelpiece at home, next to the shepherdess statuette."
"You mean that…Ewwwwwww! I thought that was a lamp or something!"
"I don’t know what you girls have against them, they’re perfectly natural, right Mr Giles?"
"Well, um, I can’t think of many people who would keep one on their mantelpieces but yes, yes, they are all part of the great scheme of things."
"Even if mine *is* bigger."
Giles clutched protectively at the $79.99 Authentic Star Wars™ Lightsabre he was carrying.
"Well there’s no need to be competitive about it, Mrs Summers!"
Buffy shook her head.
"Honestly, what is the big deal about wanting to become a Jedi Knight?"
"May the Force Be With You!" cried Xander, Oz, Giles and Joyce. Who then started making silly lightsabre-like *swoosh*ing noises.
Back to the Fan Fiction
Back to Buffy Stuffe