Redneck Jokes#2

You might be a redneck if......

• You clean your nails with a stick.
• People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
• You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
• Your home has more miles on it than your car.
• Your Christmas tree is still up in March.
• You've ever been arrested for loitering.
• There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
• You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
• You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
• You own a homemade fur coat.
• Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
• Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
• There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
• Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
• There is a wasp nest in your living room.
• The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes you voice.
• There has ever been crime scene tape on your front door.
• You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
• Fewer than half of your cars run.
• You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
• Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
• Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
• Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
• Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
• You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
• Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
• You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
• You're an expert on worm beds.
• The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
• Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
• The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
• You haul more than U-Haul.
• Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
• Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
• Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
• Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
• Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
• Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
• You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.

  Last updated 01/31/05

  
  

  DOODLEBUGGER

  Redneck#1  Redneck#2  Redneck#3  Redneck#4 

  Redneck#5  Redneck#6  Redneck#7  Redneck#8 

  
  Hosted by www.Geocities.ws