A new path is forged,
Not by choice,
But necessity.
Support unknown comes to help clear the way,
Unknown due to a lack,
A lack of trust,
Of faith.
Till it comes,
Lighting the way,
Clearing the path.

* * *

Questions unasked.
Answers still offered.
Reassurance.
Trust renewed,
Strengthened.
It flows deeper now,
Through all my veins,
With every beat of my heart.

* * *

Her heart beats fast,
As I look into her eyes.
Each of us lost in the other.
Seeing all in the eyes.
Silent.
Except for our hearts,
Which need not words.

* * *

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged.
Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away,
the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone." ~ Shawshank Redemption

* * *

Self - centered,
Stupid,
Assuming,
Egotistical,
Annoying,
Prying,
Invasive,
Destructive,
Bastard,
Freak,
Rude,
Ass,
All these words,
Flying threw the air like an arrow,
All are aimed at my heart,
But they all miss,
None land the fatal blow that would be my end,
However,
They do not miss either,
They all land,
Somewhere on my being,
Wounding me,
Scaring me,
Causing me pain beyond your nightmares,
And I lie there and wait,
Wait for the fatal blow,
Pray for that fatal blow,
The one that will end it all,
And remove me as the sore from your world that you see me as.
And remove me from this world...

* * *

The long day stretches by,
And I sit here and think,
The times of long ago fill my mind,
Bring a smile to my face,
And a tear to my eye,
A tear for what has been lost,
I have lost it all,
I have lost you,
I have lost your sweet embrace,
I have lost the smile in your face,
That which had brightened o so many dreary days,
And had lifted my spirit off the ground,
All this I have lost,
But still I remember the past,
Through the pain,
The loss,
One day I shall return to my place,
And then you shall smile upon me again,
And all will be well and bright,
All will be well,
On this day in hell.

* * *

I change my self again,
I do what all the others have told me.
Be less confrontational,
Be less annoying,
Don't drag the point you are trying to make out,
Let others win,
Realize that you are not perfect,
Be able to admit that to yourself,
And try to understand others points of view.
This I have done,
And I have tried,
I let my point die,
But instead of it resolving the problem it worsened it,
The other carried on,
So used to my fight,
She would not let it die,
Even though I finally realized that I had to,
She yelled,
I retreated,
She yelled,
I spoke no words,
She left,
And now I sit alone,
My friend is gone,
After all this,
It was not because of how I was,
But instead of how I was when I was what they wanted

* * *

One does this,
One does that,
Your emotions,
Going every direction,
Tangling themselves up,
And you with them,
Love and pain,
Sympathy and apathy,
Distress and distrust,
Wrapping around you,
Strangling you,
Tying you up,
Till finally you are bound completely,
And nothing makes sense,
As the world turns dim around you.

* * *

I hope you last,
I hope you make it,
I hope you survive,
I hope you can,
I hope you last,
This long game.
Many pieces,
Parts,
Players,
Enemies,
Obstacles,
It all seems to be against you,
And I hope that you last.
A long,
Long, time.

* * *

My eyes burn,
As they haven't in ages,
My eyes burn,
An ice-cold fire,
Rolls across my face,
No good reason,
But thankfully no evil reason...
A release,
A vent,
A reason,
A reason to cry,
A good reason after all.

* * *

I sit and I wonder,
I question what has happened,
Who I have become,
What has become of my love?
What has become of my friends?
What has become of me?
For weeks unknown something has been left unsaid,
It lies in the back of my head,
But I know not what it is,
It creeps into my everyday thoughts and lingers there long into the night,
Something is wrong,
But what is it?
What don't I see?
What is missing?
Not only from this puzzle,
But apparently my life as well,
I see all that I have,
My love,
My life,
My health,
My friends,
All this is mine,
And I watch as so many others struggle for the same,
Yet still I know something is wrong,
I know...
But apparently I don't

* * *

Beware the anger of the dove. ~ Chinese proverb

* * *

I want to run,
I want to scream,
I want to live my dream,
I want to leave,
I want to go,
I want to get away from it all,
I want to explode,
I want to implode,
I want to kill,
I want to hurt,
I want to destroy,
I want to be calm,
I want to kill,
I want to kill you all.

* * *

Everyday,
I walk all these paths,
Stopping along the way,
Helping all that I come across,
And delaying myself,
For I have somewhere to be,
I have a life to live,
A dream to chase,
But I stop,
Stop chasing my dream,
Helping others on my path,
And hurting myself,
And killing my dreams.

* * *

Am I going insane?
My hairs are on end,
My body shivers,
My breathing is unnatural,
Shallow and fast.
My mind is racing.
My mind is still,
My heart slows,
My mind is clear,
My mind is cloudy,
Am I going insane?
What is wrong?
Is my mind gone?

* * *

Talking sweetly,
Self-appearance,
Talking Sweetly,
Working hard,
At not working,
Talking sweetly,
Tricking others,
Trapping others,
Making them her own,
Self image,
Bolstered by all the others,
For all others,
All for herself,
No one matters,
As long as she looks good.

* * *

As the day goes on I wonder,
What next will come?
The expected?
No, never,
So it's the unexpected then?
But then is that not also expected?
And around we go again,
And so is life,
Never logical,
But always logical,
A reason for everything,
Except the reasons,
And for this reason I ask,
Is there a reason?
And what is the reason for that,
And so is life,
So logical,
It defies logic.

* * *

As I talk I wonder,
Why?
Why do I say the things I do?
Why must I always fight?
I talk and talk,
But say nothing,
I start fights,
I start wars,
I hurt friends,
I make them enemies,
I talk and talk,
As my words lose meaning,
And no longer have a purpose,
I talk and talk,
And waste my breath,
And my world gets smaller,
And I waste my breath,
And my world is gone,
Now only an empty room,
And the air inside is running out.
And it is no time to be wasting my breath.

* * *

I feel sick,
But it is not a sickness of body,
I feel trapped,
But the world extends around me,
My mind causes this disease,
It never lets me rest,
Not even in my sleep,
My mind is dyeing,
And as it does it is killing me,
I become weak,
My body fails,
And my words are misspoken,
My heartaches,
And my soul is being crushed,
By the weight of the pain,
The pain I cause others,
And the anguish of doing so,
For my soul longs to help,
But my mind changes my words,
And defiles my actions,
And all I do is slowly turned,
Turned to evil,
And I don't know what to do,
I can't fight myself,
I don't know how,
And those who could help me,
And teach me the ways to help myself,
All I have already pushed away,
And I am left now only with only my mind.

* * *

Why do these thoughts plague me?
I dream and they are there,
I am awake and still they haunt me,
I don't know why,
What is in me?
Why do I think these things?
I think of her,
I think of holding her to me,
Feeling the heat of her skin against mine,
It burns my soul,
I embrace her tightly,
We kiss and become lost,
Lost in each other,
Lost in our passion,
Lost in our love...
But is it love?
I don't know,
She is just a woman in my dreams,
She is not here,
Not now,
But I know she exists,
I found her once,
Alone,
But she hid that well,
And I fell for her,
Without knowing I had fallen,
And to the depths of her soul I have fallen,
Or is it the other way around,
For she has fallen as well,

But distance and life and words,
Separate us,
As I dream.

* * *

Thousands of voices,
Thousands of images,
The voices scream at me,
The sound is deafening,
But all is silent,
The images move so fast,
All this confuses me,
I don't understand,
What is happening?
The voices are still screaming,
The images become more real,
The world is becoming blurred,
My thoughts are not mine,
But I know they are,
I don't know why,
Something is wrong,
But I don't know what,
What is happening?
Why is it happening?
Why are they screaming?
What are these pictures of?
Why are they screaming?
Why are they screaming?
Why are they screaming?

Screaming.

Screaming.

Scream...

* * *

As I sit and think of what I have done,
I ask why,
Why did I lie?
I said not what I knew should be known,
And now all has changed,
I said not,
As to change not,
But I hid not my words,
So as not to lie,
Instead I said not,
Which is one and the same,
And now all has changed,
I spoke without talking,
Without telling detail,
I lied or one and the same,
I hurt the one whose voice I loved,
Whose person I shielded,
With a lie,
And now all has changed,
I said these words so as to be me,
But in actuality I denied myself,
I left out the parts that make me
I kept them aside,
And tried to hide,
For I wanted her to see me,
My personality,
Not me,
But are they not one and the same,
I lied,
And now all has changed.

* * *

In her voice I hear it,
Innocence,
I trust her,
She still believes in me,
Although she can't believe me,
She stops now to think,
To ponder how things are,
How they were,
Alone we both were,
But we had each other,
But now she finds that there always was another.

* * *

My heart has been ripped asunder,
I have caused another blunder,
My soul is lost in hate,
A hate that burns cool in the soul,
Fueled by love and caring,
All I love and live for,
It is now at unrest,
And now I cannot rest,
For I must prove,
Prove my love is true,
And that I truly,
Mean all that I say,
And Prove,
Myself,
In those eyes,
Which are full now of tears.

* * *

I think now to my self,
What shall I say?
What shall I do?
I know they care,
Or at least I think and believe so,
They just don't know what to do,
How to help,
They don't know what's wrong,
How could they,
I don't even know what's wrong,
I have looked for that answer for many a long nights,
And I know they would help if only they knew,
Knew how,
Knew What,
Knew me,
And could unravel my mind,
Which has been twisted,
And now is all tangled,
And I ask for their help now,
But what can they offer?
They don't know what is wrong.

* * *

Who says that you can't love more then one person at a time,
Who makes up these rules,
I love many people,
When the rules call for one love,
I love my friends,
I love those close to me,
I love all of those that walk the dark corridors of my mind,
They are all there,
But only one is allowed,
There are so many halls and dark places where I need their light,
But the rules disallow it,
So only one am I allowed to have,
Only one light in the gathering darkness,
One light against the darkness,
One light,
And it grows dimmer each day.

* * *

Liza

I don't know how to explain it,
For it is unexplainable,
For you hold a place in my heart,
Unique and wonderful,
I don't know how to share this emotion,
I don't know what to do,
I love being with you,
And I love you,
It's not my place,
It's not my job,
It's not my choice.

But I can't be with you,
I don't know what to do without you,
I love being with you,
I love you,
But still,
There is nothing I can do.

* * *

I sit here and think,
Think about my future,
And my choices,
I wonder what it holds,
I want to know what to do,
And more importantly who to do it with,
For so many choices do I have in my life,
So many who care,
Or so it seems,
I look over my options,
And I ask,
Should I go with the test of time?
Or the new and lighthearted,
The love that was true,
Or the love that is new,
I ask myself all of these questions,
And I know I cannot ask you.

* * *

I can feel it going,
The balance shall soon be lost
My equilibrium,
The balance between insanity and sanity,
I don't know what I shall do,
I don't know how I will react,
What will happen if I lose this balance?
What will I do?
What will everyone think?
What will they think when I go insane,
What will they say when I come back for them,
The ones who caused me all this grief,
The ones who deserve the retribution,
The ones I must repay for how they have shaped my mind,
Shaped my ultimate destruction,
And in the process they have shaped their own destruction,
I will not let it be swift,
I shall do as they did,
I shall draw the pain out,
Torment their waking moments,
As well as their nightmares,
I will receive the pleasure of their screams
And I will live for it,
I will live for their screams
And their blood.

* * *

This line I walk is getting thinner,
The border of my worlds are getting thinner,
The good and evil,
They are meshing together,
The dark is rushing in upon my light,
The war is being fought,
Who will be the victor?
Peace has won for so long,
But war is now here,
The darkness has gained so much ground,
The line is thin,
And I am about to step over it.