I wasn't there in the end.
I was trying to help,
But I knew that I couldn't,
I didn't know the answers.
The questions you are asking me are not answerable by me,
At least right now.
I have tried to think about it,
But I have made it nowhere,
I am running,
But going nowhere,
I talk and say nothing.
I think and know nothing,
My soul is disassociating,
The very parts that make it up are decomposing,
Rotting away,
The foundation of all that I feel,
All that you have helped me build,
What am I to do?
I just want to be with you,
Not necessarily as your other half,
But I want to be with you,
And if that hurts you then,
Then I don't know what,
I will leave it up to you,
I will part with you if it will help,
But I hope it will not,
I want to be with you,
I want you to be happy,
But you want to be somewhere else,
You can't stand my existence,
At least with everyone else,
But I am me,
No matter what,
What have I done wrong,
What am I doing wrong,
Why are you not happy?
You claim that I am always the happier of the two,
But this is not true,
I don't know how you are now,
But I am not happy,
I am not healthy,
I am not doing fine,
Or even any better then horrible,
I am fighting not to feel,
I need to feel,
I don't want to,
I just want…

You,

My friend,

My girlfriend,

They are the same thing,

I want the conversations,

I want to be able to hold your hand,

To watch you perform,

To be there,

To be your friend,

To be,

With you,

And I only wish you wanted me there.