My every hair is on end,
I know not why I have this feeling,
But I hope it is untrue
For this feeling involves you,
I felt it while I was alone,
I feel it in my soul,
I am scared,
Not for my safety but for yours,
Some thing is wrong,
Something has happened,
My body screams at me,
It senses something,
My mind says and prays that it is not true,
Nothing could ever happen to you,
I don't know what I would do,
How could something happen to you?
I sit here alone and wonder,
Are you ok?
Are you safe?
I pray for your safety,
Prays from the faithless,
May god still honor them,
For it is now that I need his reassurance,
I need to know that you are all right,
That you are not harmed,
I need to know that the light still shines in your eyes,
I need to know you are alive,
I need you,
I don't know how to explain this,
I know that I couldn't live without you,
I have made you a part of my soul,
I need you,
I love you,
I will do anything for you,
I will give my life so as to protect you,
And if anything ever happened,
I know not what I would do.

* * *

The sun slowly sets,
The end to one very long day,
Many interesting events,
Many smiles,
Many frowns,
I loved this day,
For it held everything my life should,
It held my highest hopes,
It held my darkest fears,
It held the hand that holds mine through those fears,
The hand I will help through all the tears,
It held loss,
It held rejoicing at reunion,
It held love,
It held life,
May each day of my life be able to hold all of these things.

* * *

Why every day,
Every night,
Must we have this fight?
You say I do not,
But I do,
You say I work not,
But I do,
It's all about you,
And its all for you,
But all the work I do,
Is still not enough for you,
I try,
I do,
But still it is not enough for you,
I wish I knew,
What it was I had to do,
In order to do what you want me to.

* * *

Like a band-aid on an open artery,
A single stitch holding my guts in,
My life failing,
The days grow long, but go so fast,
The pain in my bones grows,
And the infusions of joy,
Which is the blood of life,
Are running out,
And there are fewer donors each day.

When will the supply run out?

* * *

Mountains high,
Caverns deep,
No pass over them,
No way out of them,
No light shines in,
The way is so tangled and twisted,
Even if I could remember them all,
Confusion would come down and cause a new twist,
Worse then the rest,
You cannot escape,
You must go on in the dark,
Deeper into the mountain,
For who knows what lies at the center.

* * *

As the utter blackness swallows me whole,
Will anyone come to shed a light on me?
Their light of life and hope,
As I go forever,
Into the abyss of time.

* * *

A dream,
A dream of going out in a blaze of kindness,
An act to help all others,
But it will not be so,
Be it a blaze or a gunshot,
I see a lonely and stupid death,
And instead of helping,
I cause immeasurable pain,
Forcing a hate onto me for it,
A wish I had never been.
So as to never have gone.
Dead and disgraced,
Alone in time.

* * *

Trust,
No such thing,
For it all turns against you,
At the first easy chance,
And as you fall,
No one will be there to offer a hand,
To stop the fall into the abyss,
As you claw the air for any help,
To save yourself,
But no one is there to offer it to you.

* * *

What from a distance I mistook as a mere hill,
Rose to a mountain as I approached,
As I attempt to climb,
The dirt and rocks give way underneath me,
Making me fall back to earth,
Never giving up the climb,
For over the mountain lies the valley,
And it holds all that I desire and need.
So I climb again,
And more dirt tumbles away beneath me,
Trying to dislodge me,
And so the mountain slowly crumbles,
And falls to the ground,
Slowly as I climb again,
For one day it will be only a hill.

* * *

Endless pain,
Endless desire,
Endless night,
Endless hours of thinking,
All the result of one act,
How one simple act,
Can change it all,
One simple act,
Not meant to bond one to pain,
But to free,
The chains fall heavy upon one,
The chains that once held together happiness,
Now break and fall on one,
So that the other is set free,
Free to live,
As you struggle,
Clawing your way out from under piles of chains,
Before the weight crushes you,
You must get free,
You must get free…

* * *