So what am I to do I ask myself, I have fought this fight time and again in my mind and still nothing new has come. I wonder what is right and what I should do to fix that which is not right... I always come up with the same solutions. I either must change, be changed, or die. These are not very good options, at least not since I know what each one involves. In order to change I must give up that which I am. I ask myself if I am willing to do this for the betterment of society, the answer is yes, but then I ask to what extent will these changes go and more importantly, how will they be implemented.
    Let us look at the second choice, forced to change in order to survive at all, this is a less desirable option due to the fact that I would have no control over the ways in which I am being changed and therefore would not always be changed for the better as I see it.
    Finally my last choice is death, I think the problem with this option is clear and needs no real explanation.

    Now I ask myself which one of these three choices do I believe are being forced upon me, yes I know I said choices which is the opposite of forced, but I know what I am talking about. I believe that the death and the forced change are happening; I also believe that I am attempting the changing of my self, but this process is slow and not always effective. So let us look at the forced change and therefore also have a look at death.
    When one is forced to change who they are they are killed, how so one might ask, like this, the person you are, want to be, could be is taken away or changed and in so doing you cancel what did or would have existed, this is death, death of the being you were inside your head, not of the body. This would be a very bad thing indeed, for I believe that if you do not learn from your past and use this knowledge to improve yourself of your own free will then this forced change will most likely take place. As for who it is that is forcing you, it could very well be the person who you should be learning from, the person whose example you must not follow that will be "educating" you in how to live your life. This is not what I want to happen to me, however I do believe that this process has begun and as of right now I know of no way to stop it. As for why I think this has started, that answer I do know, I failed.

    Now you may be asking your self what I have failed at, this I also do not know, but it would seem to be the only logical conclusion. Along these lines I can only logically conclude that the situations I am having these problems in are also the ones in which I have failed: relationships (family, friends, others), school, work, life, etc. I realize that this covers a lot of ground, but it seems as of recent times to be quite accurate. So that's how it stands. What now do I do?